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Episode 6:

It's a Plan!

Belle and Chrissy followed Mrs. G to the breakfast nook.

"We want to frighten Rupert," Belle said, plopping down onto her favorite chair. "We want him to think he'll be stuck with two mothers-in-law in the house at the same time!"

"So we sent him a mailgram and signed it with Jane's mother's name!" Chrissy chimed in. "It reads, 'Have to come one month early. Arriving Wednesday. Telephone out of order. Love.' What do you think?"

"Especially that touch about being unreachable by phone!" Belle smiled at an image in her mind.

"And backed it by an elaborate and very authentic itinerary from our travel agent," Chrissy continued.

"Oh, dear! Let me get this straight now." Mrs. G leaned back in her chair. "Rupert's fear of being stuck with two mothers-in-law will exceed his fear of Nancy, which will make him call Nancy and work on her, which will convince her to come and pick up her mother —"

"Fear is wonderful for concentrating the mind," Belle said.

"Isn't it a touch Byzantine, dear? Reminds me of the time you climbed up the telephone pole to run a line from the administration office to your third-floor dorm. You couldn't just make your calls below the pole. Nooo! You had to run the line across the walk, into the first floor window, up along the radiator pipes, to the third floor, to the —"

"Mom! That was a hundred years ago. And the foreign exchange girls were so desperately homesick. And I already took a lot of punishment for it — with dignity and grace."

"The nuns were most upset with you!" Chrissy giggled.

"I had my hands full talking them out of expelling you! And I had to pay for phone-calls to Hong Kong!"

"Well, this scheme is airtight."

"We even sent a mailgram to Jane's mother," Chrissy said, "advising her Jane's phone is out of order and not to call for a week. Just in case!"

"You know, Jane's mother is not an idiot," Belle observed. "When Jane's mother-in-law was selling her home, which had become too big for her to handle, she told Jane she wanted to buy a small condo. So Jane tells her own mother. And her mother says, 'OK, I'll make you a bet: If she gets a condo — or even mentions the word condo again — I'll eat my stockings!'"

"Well, she was right," Chrissy said. "It turns out a neighbor told the mother-in-law, 'You crazy? You have three children. Just take turns visiting each one!' And she took the advice!"

"Ahh, old age," Mrs. G mused theatrically. "For in all the world there are no people so piteous and forlorn as those who are forced to eat the bitter bread of dependency in their old age, and find how steep are the stairs of another man’s house. Wherever they go, they know themselves unwelcome. Wherever they are, they feel themselves a burden —"

"Mom!"

"Where did you dig that up?"

"The Internet, of course, sweetheart. Now let's check how that handsome lobster's doing."

***

On Saturday morning, Mrs. G was wrapping up brioche dough and Chrissy was labeling the packages, when the computer on the kitchen desk came to life with three cords from Beethoven's Fur Elise. A window formed on the screen and Belle's picture appeared.

"Mom, are you there? Is Chrissy with you? I couldn't reach her at home. Turn on the camera!"

"We are both here, dear. She's helping me freeze pastry dough for the benefit."

"The roof has fallen in!"

"Calm down, sweetheart."

"I just got a call from Jane. It turns out Jane's mother sicced Bell Atlantic repair guys on their phone, and now Rupert has become very suspicious and is giving Jane the silent treatment, and Jane —"

"You're starting to babble, dear."

"What if they get divorced? I feel so guilty I was going to throw myself out the window, but I live on the 18th floor!"

"Well, why don't you come on over? I have a nice window here over grassy lawn, and afterwards we'll have smoked chicken and salad and a surprise dessert for lunch."
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Episode 7: Just Desserts!

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Note: Mrs. G's quotation about old age is from "Dorothy Dix, Her Book" by Dorothy Dix.