Table of Contents
Frank B. Finite (a "true" atheist)
So-So Proofs of Intelligent Design
Primordial Soup for the Soulless
The Blind Fools Evolution Dictionary
The Blind Fools Guest Entry Log
Past Issues - Issues that ran before this
Linkage - Other sites that are way more
Deities - Up Close and Personal
Getting to know the ones that
that Jesus character was plagiarized from.
B.F. Mithra, I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to speak with us today.
Mithra A IT'S MY PLEASURE TO BE HERE MISTER FOOL!
B.F. Whoa! Could you turn the volume down a few notches? Your thundering voice is piercing my eardrums.
Mithra A Sure. Is this better?
B.F. Much. Thanks.
Mithra A If there's anything else I can do, just let me know.
B.F. I will. It's been hard to get any info on you, but I see here that you were first god over the Indo-Iranians by 1400bc and continued your reign through the first century over the Romans.
Mithra A That is correct, I've been around a long long time and many have copied my accomplishments for their own selfish gain - such as that Jesus character. If I had anything to do with it, they all would be demoted down to mortal status for eternity. They are copy-cat scum in my opinion.
At that very moment door bursts open bumping cow-like Chia Pet off of sparcely populated bookshelf and mysterious figure angrily enters room.
Mithra B THERE YOU ARE (pointing at Mithra A) YOU BACK-STABBING GOD WANNABE POSER!
B.F. My ears! My ears!
Mithra A It's you! How can that be?!
B.F. Who is it?
Mithra B I'm the real original Mithra. This punk here stole my identity! (pointing at Mithra A again)
Mithra A Bull!
B.F. What?
Mithra A You're supposed to be dead Mithra B! The brakes went out on your ACME chariot and you rode off a cliff causing a puff of dust when you landed in the canyon below.
Mithra B How'd you know my brakes went out? That information was never released to the public!
B.F. What is going on here?
Mithra B Look here, temp . . .
B.F. "Temp"?
Mithra B Yeah, as in temporary?! As in mere mortal?! As in lowly finite being?!
B.F. Oh.
Mithra B Anyway temp, I was the first original Mithra. This guy here is a Johnny-come-lately and has no affiliation with me what-so-ever.
Mithra A Bull hockey!
B.F. Oh really?
Mithra B Yep, he uses my name with a base doctrine of astrological lore (and who doesn't I might ask?!) with some shared terminology. And that's it! He's nothing like I was in my glory days - but that's gone now thanks to him.
Mithra A Bull chips!
B.F. Just how different are you guys?
Mithra B For starters, I'm a contract lawyer.
B.F. You're a demon then.
Mithra B Nope I'm a god, but I do escort demons to hell in my spare time. I'm also Upholder of Truth and provider of a nice place to live. And I give cows to the people.
B.F. Cows?
Mithra A Cows?
Mithra B Yes, cows.
B.F. Then what about this other Mithra over here? (Mithra A sinking deep into cheap leatherette office chair trying to think of a way to escape)
Mithra B For starters, he can't even read a contract much less be the lord over them.
Mithra A Well, there's all those terms I don't understand - can you blame me?
B.F. I certainly sympathize with you there, Mithra A. I remember once I had a cell-phone billing dispute and they said . . .
Mithra B He also slayed a bull which I never did - I'm an animal lover you know. The only bull I ever slayed was downing a 20oz Schlitz Malt Liquor in six seconds flat.
Mithra A Hey, I love animals too.
Mithra B Yeah, you use them to do your dirty work, you scoundrel.
B.F. Is there anything else I need to know?
Mithra A What's really important here is that I'm the one that the Jesus creators fashioned their work of fiction after. That's what makes me important. You might call me the Jesus prototype.
Mithra B I'll call you the Jesus retard you girly super-hero cape wearing fool. No offense Editor.
B.F. None taken.
Mithra B Where did you get that cape anyway? Are you trying to be a god or a super hero? And why's it so big? Are you trying to compensate for something? Hmmmm?
Mithra A There's no need to get personal. And besides, you're supposed to be slow to anger.
Mithra B You stole my identity you cape wearing freak! What do you expect?!
B.F. I want to hear more about this Jesus thing. Go on Mithra A.
Mithra A Thank you. AS I WAS SAYING, I came before Jesus and there many details of my life that are paralleled in the Jesus chronicles.
B.F. Such as?
Mithra A Well, I was born of a virgin on December 25th in a cave - Just like Jesus.
B.F. Wow - that is quite a coincidence.
Mithra B Don't be so impressed fool, it's not quite that easy.
B.F. Oh really?
Mithra B Yeah, I've done my homework in preparation for my revenge on Mithra A. They say revenge is a dish best served cold and I've waited a long time for this.
Mithra A Who are "they"?
Mithra B That doesn't matter - all that matters is that they say it. And what else matters is that your whole facade is about to come tumbling down like a house of cards.
B.F. This should be fun.
Mithra B You bet your mortal toosh its going to be fun. For instance, what chapter and verse tells us that Jesus was born on December 25th?
B.F. (Starts to flip through Bible.)
Mithra B It's not in there you idiot!
B.F. Oh.
Mithra B This date was adopted by the later church from other religions who use it for sacred festivities being that it was at the time of the winter solstice.
Mithra A See! See! The fundies at least borrowed it from SOMEBODY!
B.F. Actually, it's consistent with God to take something corrupt, including a pagan festival, and transform it something that is more in liking with His character.
Mithra A Bah - humbug!
B.F. It's a wonderful life, isn't it? Anyway, what about the other allegations, Mithra B?
Mithra B He wasn't even born of a virgin nor in a cave. In fact, he was born out of solid rock and that process left a cave behind.
B.F. Is this true, Mithra A?
Mithra A Well, can you PROVE that the rock WASN'T virgin?
Mithra B No I can't.
Mithra A Then I plead innocent until proven guilty.
B.F. I guess the only parallel here is that you were a baby at one point just like Jesus.
Mithra B Guess again, fool. He was actually born a grown-up.
B.F. He certainly doesn't act like one.
Mithra B No, no he doesn't.
Mithra A Okay, fine then. However, I DID sacrifice myself for world peace. Then I was buried in a tomb and after three days rose again. Just like Jesus!
Mithra B Can you give us any resources from your followers indicating that you actually died?
Mithra A I'll have to get back with you on that one.
Mithra B In fact, isn't it true that you never died in the first place.
Mithra A Well . . . I . . .
Mithra B Looks like you're going to have to change your name to MYTHra, doesn't it?!
B.F. Okay, I've heard enough. I'm going to call the authorities on you right now, Mithra A.
Mithra A bounds from his seat and heads for the door. As he flees, he tramples on the cow-like Chia Pet lying on the floor thus crushing it. Mithra B was right behind him threatening to sic his lawyers on him. They were last seen running towards Pamplona, Spain.
B.F. You can run (I blurt out as I pick up my old black rotary phone and dial the police) but can't hide in a small town like this! (Then I snickered an evil-like chuckle to myself as the phone rang on the other end.)
