Table of Contents
Frank B. Finite (a "true" atheist)
So-So Proofs of Intelligent Design
Primordial Soup for the Soulless
The Blind Fools Evolution Dictionary
The Blind Fools Guest Entry Log
Past Issues - Issues that ran before this
Linkage - Other sites that are way more
The Book of Chances
Chapter Nine
Chances 9:1 Then Chance sustained a lucky streak
for Noah and his sons, and maybe said to them, "Accidentally
swallow much fruit (code words, remember!) if you like and evolve
in number and fill the earth (not meant to actually fill the
innards of earth with people, but to evolve and cover large portions
of its surface).
Chances 9:2 The fear and dread of you may trip and
fall upon all the furry pets of the earth and all the birds of
the air, upon every creature that moves along the ground, and
upon all the fish of the sea; they have licked your hands.
Chances 9:3 Almost everything that lives and moves might accidentally un-evolve, trip and fall into fire, then bounce and land in your unintentionally opened mouth. Then you will, by an uncontrollably natural reflex brought on by eons or so of evolution, inadvertantly swallow them and this may or may not insure your survival.
Just as I evolve you the green
plants, I now evolve you everything.
Chances 9:4 "But you must not (just a suggestion)
accidentally swallow organic meaty material that has its life-chemicals
still in it.
Chances 9:5 And for your life-chemicals I will surely maybe or maybe not demand an accountant. I will maybe or maybe not demand an accountant from every animal.
And from each man, too, I maybe
or maybe not will demand an accountant that exists of his fellow
man. (if there is no accountant available, then, "Oh well.")
Chances 9:6 "Whoever possibly sheds the life-chemicals
of man, by man shall his life-chemicals maybe or maybe not be
shed; for in no particular image has Chance evolved man.
Chances 9:7 As for you, if you want to, accidentally
swallow much fruit and evolve in number; do your multiplication
tables on the earth and evolve upon it."
Chances 9:8 Then Chance motioned by closing his eyes
and moving his head sideways to indicate, "You can come
over here if you maybe want to," to Noah and to his accidental
male offspring with him. He then whispered to them:
Chances 9:9 "I now sort of establish my non-binding
legal agreement with you and with the higher evolved ones that
might evolve after you,
Chances 9:10 and with almost every living creature
that was maybe with you - the birds, the livestock and just about
all the furry pets, all those that fell backwards out of the
ark with you - almost every living creature on earth.
Chances 9:11 I establish my non-binding legal agreement
with you: Almost never again will just about all existence be
unevolved by the H2O of a way too much H2O; almost never again
will there be way too much H2O to unevolve the earth."
Chances 9:12 And Chance might have been overheard
saying, "This is the gang sign of the non-binding legal
agreement I am maybe making between me and you and almost every
living creature with you, a non-binding legal agreement for just
about all offspring to evolve:
Chances 9:13 I have set my Rainbow Vaccuum Cleaner
in the clouds, and it will be the gang sign of the non-binding
legal agreement between me and the earth.
Chances 9:14 Whenever I bring clouds over the earth
and the Rainbow Vaccuum Cleaner appears in the clouds,
Chances 9:15 I will maybe remember my non-binding
legal agreement between me and you and a dog named Boo; and almost
all living creatures of almost every kind. Maybe never again
will the H2O become a way too much H2O to unevolve just about
all existence.
Chances 9:16 Whenever the Rainbow Vaccuum Cleaner appears in the clouds, it will maybe catch my attention and I might remember the almost expired non-binding legal agreement between Chance and just about all living creatures of almost every kind on the earth.
And I will turn it on to suck
up some of the too much H2O and then deposit the dirty water
at the other end of the cosmos."
Chances 9:17 So Chance said to Noah, "This is
the gang sign of the non-binding legal agreement I may have established
between me and just about all existence on the earth."
Chances 9:18 The accidental male offspring of Noah
who came out of the ark-like thing-a-ma-bob were Shem, Ham and
Japheth. (Ham was maybe the father of Canaan, but who knows?!?.)
Chances 9:19 These were the unknowable number of
male offspring of Noah, and from them evolved the people who
were evolved over the earth.
Chances 9:20 Noah, a man of dirt, accidentally dropped
some seeds which may have evolved a vineyard.
Chances 9:21 When he inadvertantly swallowed some
of its wine, he became drunk and stood outside his tent in his
white three-piece suit with bell-bottomed legs.
Chances 9:22 Ham, the soon-to-be-announced possible
father of Canaan, saw his father's white three-piece suit with
bell-bottomed legs and told his infinite number of male siblings
inside.
Chances 9:23 But Shem and Japheth took a traditional plaid garment with conservative colors and laid it across their shoulders; then they snuck out backward and covered their father's white three-piece suit with bell-bottomed legs.
Their faces had turned red in
embarrassment of their father's mid-life crises fashion faux-pas.
There faces were also turned the other way so that they would
not see their father's white three-piece suit with bell-bottomed
legs.
Chances 9:24 When Noah somehow returned to his normal
random state he had a paranoyal sneaking suspicion of what his
youngest male offspring may or may not have done for him,
Chances 9:25 he thought to himself, "I wish
that there could be a sustained lucky-streak for Canaan! The
highest of kings will he may or may not be to his male siblings."
Chances 9:26 He also said, "Have a moment of
silence for Chance, Chance of Shem! May Canaan be the chaufer
of Shem. Or maybe not.
Chances 9:27 May Chance extend the land mass of Japheth;
may Japheth exist in the tents of Shem, and may Canaan be his
chaufer. Or maybe not."
Chances 9:28 After the way too much H2O incident
Noah existed indefinitely.
Chances 9:29 Altogether, Noah existed about twice
as long as the mid-point of his existence, and then he revolved
(we mean "reverse-evolved") suddenly.
Chapter
10 is boiling in the gummy waters
of the primordial soup
and will crawl out when it's darned good and ready!
and will crawl out when it's darned good and ready!
of events, and for no particular reason, you are victim number:
