DISCLAIMER: I honestly do not own Joss Whedon, aka The Great Tripping One. I don't really own the Network Producers, as much as I'd like to; I'm just borrowing this one. AUTHOR'S NOTES: This story is written entirely in dialogue, and is what / think is going on behind the scenes at the WB headquarters. This is Joss standing up for his creation... MR. JOSS WHEDON: Come in! MR. NETWORK PRODUCER: Hello? Is this the office of one Mr. Waydon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? MR. JOSS WHEDON: Joss Whedon, please. MR. NETWORK PRODUCER: Just Whedon? Okay. I came to talk to you about your... show. May I sit down? MR. JOSS WHEDON: Make yourself comfortable. What about my show? MR. NETWORK PRODUCER: Well, Whedon, while it's true that it's been getting fantastically high ratings, has a hugely loyal fan base, is getting its own spin-off, and is fast becoming a cultural icon, we feel that it's not achieving it's full potential. And we here at the WB never want to pass up an opportunity to make things better. So they sent me over, to work with you and see what we can do. MR. JOSS WHEDON: What areas were you hoping to improve, exactly? MR. NETWORK PRODUCER: Well, we've been doing a lot of thinking, especially after this year's Emmys. We feel that your show should have won more awards than it did. MR. JOSS WHEDON: Uh, thank you. I think. MR. NETWORK PRODUCER: Now, what we came up with was; the reason that your show didn't achieve its full potential as a megahit is because it has a stupid name. MR. JOSS WHEDON: What? MR. NETWORK PRODUCER: Well, it does. I mean, 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'? I feel silly just saying it. Let's face facts, Whedon. Your show is never going to make it to the top with a corny-ass name like that. MR. JOSS WHEDON: You want me to change the name of the show? Now? Three seasons in? MR. NETWORK PRODUCER: It's never too late to change, Now, I have here a few name suggestions... MR. JOSS WHEDON: But what about individuality? People are attracted to a name that dares to be different! MR. NETWORK PRODUCER: Well, different is not where the big bucks are. Look. We brainstormed for a few minutes and here's what we came up with. You'll get the final choice, of course. "Making the Grave", "High School Hellhole", "Night Life", "Slayer: The Chosen", "Where the Vampires Roam"... MR. JOSS WHEDON: Um... MR. NETWORK PRODUCER: I particularly like this one: "Slaughter in Sunnydale". I came up with it myself. MR. JOSS WHEDON: I... MR. NETWORK PRODUCER: Now, along with the name change: I really think that we can get more action into that hour time slot of yours. I mean, the fighting you have is great, there's no doubt about that, but there just isn't enough of it. So maybe if you cut out all that useless dialogue you're so fond of, you can fit more action in. MR. JOSS WHEDON: Uh... MR. NETWORK PRODUCER: And while we're at it, we do need to cut a few characters to make up for that high SFX budget of yours. So get rid of the librarian. And that school boy. They just aren't buff enough to really attract the girls. Also, you can get rid of that witch-girl, or hacker, or whatever. She's too unrealistic; high-school girls aren't like that. Speaking of, your costumes are just too conservative. Try and show a little more skin, as far as the girls go. MR. JOSS WHEDON: But... MR. NETWORK PRODUCER: I knew you'd agree, Whedon. Oh. And stop dealing with all this 'feelings' and 'relationship' crap. Nobody understands it; stick with pure and honest lust. And stop having the Slayer be so virtuous; it gets boring real fast. In fact, how about you take out that geeky little girl altogether and replace her with a muscular, military-type, uzi-toting man. And you need more bombs. And more fires. And more explosions. And... MR. JOSS WHEDON'S .44 MAGNUM: Bang. -The End- Got any Friendly Advice for me? I want to know more about Joss... The exit is THIS way, Mr. Josh Waydon... The Brotherhood ][ Last Man Out ][ Blacklight Behind the Scenes ][ What's Mine Is Yours ][ 3 Thru The Merry-O Swing Set ][ The Healer ][ Black & White The Meek Shall Inherit ][ Rosemary For Remembrance