04.30.03
A list: of fanfic authors to whom I need to send feedback. This is partly a way for me to keep track of my phenomenal slothfulness for posterity, and also an opportunity to pimp.
Fallowdoe; Spiegel Im Spiegel - I emailed her when I was in the middle of this story, but now that it's over I need to do it again. This fic is desperately beautiful and haunting, and it retains one of the factors that's most important to me in any story -- hope.
Lyric; A Stillness of Heart - Spike and Willow and comfort and moving on. They're endearingly awkward in their affections and it makes me melt.
Jainie G.; Scraps (unreleased) - Jainie is single-handedly converting me to Spike/Faith with this story. It's so nice to see these two happy, and evolving and yet retaining their essential edginess. Also, the sex? Hot and heartbreaking.
Amy; After The Dance and Spinning - Spike searches for forgiveness from his two beloved girls. Buffy and Spike's new, tentative, often rocky relationship is explored with delicacy and caring.
Miss Murchison; A Glorious Morning I Have Seen - Tender, sexy fun with Spike and Joyce. I would like to point out, however, that she clearly thought I was insane when I suggested it.
Gwyneth Rhys; The Price For Flight - I adored Spike's inner monologue here; it was so true to his character and so very guy-like and refreshingly snarky, as well. And Gwyneth also has a knack for showing Buffy's foibles -- from the eyes of another, no less -- while always keeping her loving and strong.
Barb C.; Necessary Evils - This makes it into my Top Five 'Buffy' stories of all time. It's amazing and funny and wonderful and realistic. So why haven't I told Barb this? Well...I've tried. Kind of. I've actually sent feedback on other stuff, but each time I managed to put my foot into my mouth horribly and felt bad afterwards. Now even enjoying her fic is like a guilty pleasure. But I refuse to be cowed by my own cluelessness! Note to self: must get backbone.
Anne Hedonia; Done To Death - The author's summary is better than mine could ever be: "You could always leave Tara unattended, without much worry about her catching anything on fire...except tonight." This story is just...uplifting, and I hope that doesn't sound too cheesy.
This list is in no way exhaustive, as my efforts at procrastination know no bounds. But hopefully by posting it, massive guilt will kick in and I will start the e-worship process.
Finally -- the string cheese wrapper says 'Peel Here'. And yet I cannot. It is humbling to match wits with a synthetically manufactured dairy product and come up lacking.
04.28.03
My 'Mr. Personality' Post.
Yeah, yeah. Keep laughing. You know you wanted to watch it too, even if it was just to see Monica Lewinsky make a blatant try for moral superiority. 
truecrystal's hysterical comments inspired me to watch it -- truecrystal and I have come up with, objectively, the best idea for a book, ever. She is obviously brilliant and I will follow her anywhere, even to FOX.
Hayley seems like a nice enough girl; very pretty and pleasant with an oddly crooked mouth that I couldn't stop staring at. It gives her face some character, though. She very politely tolerates it when Monica cuddles with her on the couch and giggles like they're girlfriends or something. Meanwhile poor Hayley's thinking, "Must remember to wash my hands after they stop filming."
The guys, unsurprisingly, were fairly ass-like. Brian the attorney (blue mask) was a complete and total dickwad -- I've known guys like him before (in law school, come to think of it) and his hostility toward Hayley and disrespect toward women in general made me cringe. He tells the other contestants: "I had a nicer time with that [hula dancer] at the party than I've had with Hayley." No shit, dude! She gave you oral sex! I just adored Monica acting all shocked when Brian and his hip-wigglin' honey disappeared into the bathroom. Monica's all, "A...a blow what? I don't get it! Are they...oh, my stars!" Anyway, Brian is not long for this show.
Earlier, some other tool named Stan was acting like a total dumbass. His dumbass-ness peaked at the party, but I am going to focus instead on his behavior on the boat, because my rant implicates Hayley as well. Okay -- Stan was totally out of line in basically grabbing Hayley and dragging her underneath his great, toolish torso. No question. But ya know what you do then, Hayley? You gently but firmly -- or even harshly but firmly -- remove his meaty paws from your person. You are fully within your rights to do that. Because he was touching you and you were clearly uncomfortable with it. Instead you roll your eyes and laugh weakly and sink awkwardly into his squishy embrace. It was a hard lesson for me to learn, too; that a guy is not automatically entitled to manhandle you even if he makes it cutesy or acts as if it's 'understood'. [/rant]
Brian takes his toys and goes home before Hayley can boot his ass. Monica acts horribly embarrassed and nervous at this development. Relax, Mon. Just pretend you're in the Oval Office. Next week: more mortifying incidents; Hayley contemplates becoming a lesbian. Well, if she's smart she does.
ETA: Has anyone seen my Quake 3 CD?
04.26.03
A Meme, because it's Friday night and I live for such excitement.
Hehe. I originally wrote 'suck'. I'm twelve.
I've been working on a post about the move to Colorado (cue general mumbling around LJ-Land: "Uhhh...you moved? Um, go you!") but my post turned into a page, and then it turned into a site. Really. With sections and thumbnail images and everything. Still, for those of you who plan to skim whenever the hell I put the sordid tale up, the whole experience can be summed up thusly -- the term 'crank shaft', while possessing such gorgeous smutty potential, is sadly bereft of anything but horrible financial and vehicular connotations.
And now, stolen with thanks from renenet:
It's All About Meme, Or Didn't You Get The Memo?
What color are your kitchen plates?
Charcoal. They're stoneware. I picked them because I have a very strange and psychologically unhealthy need to match. I wear a lot of black, and I just couldn't very well have plates that were eggshell blue, now could I? Why are you looking at me like that?
What book(s) are you reading now?
I just finished Jennifer Crusie's Faking It, and I'm going to read it again from the beginning. It's brilliant and hysterical and full of love.
What's on your mouse pad?
I don't have one. It was just one of a lot of things I found I could do without.
Favorite Board Game?
Hmm. Maybe Life, because you can imagine all this backstory drama. "What do you mean you're pregnant? I just lost my job at the factory!" As a child, I also thought Monopoly was quite sophisticated.
Favorite Magazine?
People is, simply, the best reading material ever. It satisfies all my literary needs. Really. Have you seen this week's cover? 'Madonna's Private World'. Plus -- Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy broke up! I mean, it doesn't get any better than that.
Favorite smell(s)?
Gasoline, cigarette smoke, Jack Daniel's whiskey. Smells I associate with my father which suddenly do not paint him in such a flattering light. Truly, my dad is wonderful. He bakes me cookies, and spends his days working with hospice patients all over the Chicagoland area.
Also, my boyfriend's infrequently-worn aftershave.
Least favorite smell(s)?
Marijuana. And incense, because it reminds me of marijuana.
What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
"Where are my glasses? Is there any fried zucchini left from last night?"
Favorite Colors:
Black. It just makes things easier. Followed closely by red, all shades.
Least favorite color(s):
Anything in the pastel family.
How many rings before you answer the phone?
I have phone fear. At my last apartment, I actually had my home phone plugged into a non-working modem for months and never noticed, because I always had the ringer and answering machine turned off anyway. Anyone who needs to reach me uses my cell phone. That I answer promptly.
Future child's name?
I think Delphine is pretty. I'm not sure if it would be right to saddle a child with that, though.
What is most important in life?
Refined sugar.
Of all the possible circles of Hell, which are you most likely to be assigned to?
Probably the Third (Gluttonous).
Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate, then vanilla. Then chocolate again.
Do you like to drive fast?
I drive fast because it's the right thing to do.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
During really bad times in my life, I do. It seems like a pretty clear example of regression. Normally I keep my stuffed animals nearby (I've kept every one I've been given since birth) but not in bed with me.
Storms - cool or scary?
Cool, definitely.
What was your first car?
Black Jeep Cherokee SE.
If you could meet one person dead or alive, who would it be?
Hmm. Probably some relative or another. The author Lucy Maud Montgomery. Violence and security expert Gavin de Becker.
Favorite alcoholic drink?
I actually don't drink. Which makes it that much harder to blame my bursts of idiocy on alcohol. Need to work on that.
What is your sign and your birthday?
Scorpio, November 3.
Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Honey, I eat the stems of pipes.
If you could have any job, what would it be?
I always thought that being a limousine driver would be cool. I got to know Los Angeles pretty well. When I revealed this to my friend Teri, she immediately responded that I would look damn cute in that black uniform with the little cap. That was enough of an endorsement for me.
If you could have any hair color, what would it be?
My current color suits me fine, I think.
Have you ever been in love?
Yes.
Is the glass half-full or half-empty?
(Piglet stares at glass suspiciously) Hmmph. There's a hole at the top!
Favorite movie?
As if I could narrow it down. 'L.A. Confidential', 'The Lost Boys', 'The Truth About Cats and Dogs', 'Olivier Olivier', 'Queen Margot', 'Smilla's Sense of Snow', 'Tommy Boy', 'Animal House', 'The Goonies', 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off'....
Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?
Yes.
What's under your bed?
For once, nothing. But then, I've only been here for five days.
What is your favorite number(s)?
8. As a child, I made up (though I don't remember ever consciously doing it) personalities and histories for all the numbers. 8 was the underdog, in love with the pretty, bubbly 5 who was (enter dramatic tension) with 9 -- a bit of a no-good manipulator. 6 was a rather insecure schlub, but 7 was a good-time fellow; he always had a smile but couldn't be counted on for anything. 1 was, well, 1. 2 was a helpful, intensely loyal sort -- earnest and morally upright but essentially powerless. 3 was a bit of a scamp.
Strangely, none of this improved my performance in arithmetic although it does explain why I was so very 'out of it' during the duration of my academic career.
Favorite sport to watch?
Basketball. I grew up on Michael Jordan, God's most perfect human being. Not that I am biased.
What is your single biggest fear?
Financial ruin.
Favorite song?
'Jane's Getting Serious' by Jon Astley.
Favorite TV show(s)?
Currently? 'Buffy'. In the past? 'Hill Street Blues', 'Crime Story', 'Wiseguy', 'Roseanne', 'Action'....
Ketchup or mustard?
Ketchup.
Hamburgers or Hot Dogs?
Hot dogs.
Favorite Soft Drink?
Diet Pepsi. It is my drug.
The best places you have ever been?
Unconscious.
Oh, you meant geographically? Well, I'm pretty damn happy to be here in Colorado.
What screen saver is on your computer right now?
I don't have one. Screen savers discombobulate me. To me, it's like having my PC fold its arms and tap one foot impatiently.
Burger King or McDonalds?
I am Ronald's dirty whore.
Do you know someone right now that you could fall in love with?
Yes.
What did you do yesterday?
What's your favorite food? To pick a favorite would be blasphemy. I like cereal and Quizno's Turkey Ranch and Swiss sandwich and gummi worms and deviled eggs and...there's a list somewhere.
Where do you see yourself in twenty years? Sitting in front of the computer, like I am right now.
If you had the choice of any superhero power to possess, what would it be? Invisibility.
What's the weirdest dream you've ever had? Ehh. My dreams tend not to be so much 'weird' as 'horribly disturbing'.
Who is your favorite classical composer? You've gotta be kidding me.
04.22.03
Added Chapter 6 of Wayward.
04.21.03
For wesleysgirl - I've never written slash before. This will become patently obvious. (Piglet crosses her fingers) Here goes nothing:
All That You Leave Behind (Spike/Giles)
Absolution (Angel/Wesley)
04.17.03
It's my last night in Los Angeles, so of course I spent it at a strip club.
The boy had business in the city, and I had to give some smog test paperwork to Mike the bouncer. Mike works the door at several clubs in L.A., mostly along the Sunset Strip. But tonight he was at a 'gentleman's club' in Westwood. I had never been inside a strip club and I was very curious about what it would be like.
Apparently this one was fairly upscale -- big, overstuffed leather chairs, several V.I.P. rooms and a generally classy decor. The staff was incredibly nice to me, although when Mike introduced me to the manager the guy looked me over and said, "Is this over eighteen?" Let's watch the personal pronouns there, buddy.
The girls were absolutely gorgeous, and when they weren't dancing they'd lounge around the floor area in these adorable matching bra-and-panty sets that frankly I was a bit envious of. Having a body that looked that good in the lingerie would be nice, too. Anyway, this was a full-on (er....off?) club, meaning the women got completely undressed. Here's how it works: if the dancers only go topless, then the establishment can serve alcohol. If take off all their clothes, then it's dry. Which I guess explains why my boyfriend bought me a $6.50 Diet Coke. He was eminently bored, as was Mike, but I was riveted. The songs were peppy (the better to dance to, I imagine) and the clientele was very polite and well-behaved (thanks to Mike and his colleagues) and the ambiance was appropriately shadowed (I look best in dim lighting). An all-around good time.
I realize that I sound pretty flippant about this, and I'm not denying that there's probably a much less attractive facet to this profession. But it wasn't on display tonight (though just about everything else was), and to be honest I've witnessed enough of L.A.'s seamy underbelly to last me indefinitely. From some people's vantage point, I'm sure that at times I was part of L.A.'s seamy underbelly. So as possible evenings in this city go, tonight ranked pretty high. Pretty girls, fun music, my boys at my side. Goodnight, L.A. Goodnight, me.
04.16.03
Assorted things I have to do today:
Piglet: Will it ever?
jainieg to post 'Scraps'.dettiot -- How could a former Catholic schoolgirl resist?
A Meme Of The Seven Deadly SinsANGER
Who did you last get angry with? My boyfriend.
What is your weapon of choice? Vicious, cutting words, but only if a copper pipe isn't readily available.
Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Excluding the knock-down, drag-out fights I had with my brother when we were kids -- no. If I hit a guy, regardless of size or provocation, I had better be prepared for him to hit me back.
How about of the same sex? Again, not since childhood.
Who was the last person who got really angry at you? My boyfriend. We're at the height of an interstate move, so at this point we're having horrible arguments about things like telephone lines and glassware.
What is your pet peeve? Peeve(s). Plural. There are so many....right now I'm thinking of people who are deliberately unkind, slow drivers, and the fact that I haven't eaten anything this morning.
Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I am a professional grudge-keeper. Ask that skank Renee who pushed me off the swings in third grade.
SLOTH
What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? Geez. Floss? Exercise? Turn the other cheek? Check the mail?
What is the latest you've ever woken up? Five in the afternoon.
Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? (Laughs nervously) My gorgeous and brilliant and nice doctor friend, and her gorgeous and brilliant and nice engineer husband, to tell them that I'm moving. I still have thirty-six hours left in California. I can do it.
What is the last lame excuse you made? Yesterday -- "Dude, I wish we could have gotten together but I've been so slammed lately." Technically true, but it's an excuse I've been making fairly often so its lameness increases with each presentation.
Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? Don't think so.
When was the last time you got a good workout? Hee. Hee hee. I took the garbage out yesterday. Does that count?
How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? Didn't. Massive free-floating anxiety ensures that I wake up one to two hours before necessary. I call it the 'stress schedule'.
GLUTTONY
Meat eaters: white meat or red meat? Red. Bleeding on to the plate, if possible.
What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? I don't drink. So...a few sips, I guess.
Have you ever used a professional diet company? I don't think that's how McDonald's is categorized.
Do you have an issue with your weight? Several. I repress them along with all my other psychoses.
Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Ssssweeeeeeeets.
Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought food!? No, but occasionally I tell my boyfriend what part of his body I would eat first. I mean, if I absolutely had to.
LUST
How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? Umm...Two? Three?
How many people have seen you naked (not counting physicians/family)? The same amount, I'd guess.
Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Yeah. I'm twelve.
Have you "done it"? Watched 'Temptation Island'? I confess. Remember Taheed and Ytossie? Remember whiny Andy from the first season? Remember the host, Mark L. Walberg, who could barely contain his utter revulsion at these dirty fame-whores as he mentally chanted "Mortgage for house in Toluca Lake. College tuition. Mortgage for house..." Good times.
What is your favorite body part on a person of the gender of your choice? I like the butt and I cannot lie.
Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? No, but thanks for suddenly making me feel inadequate.
Have you ever had to get tested for an std or pregnancy? No.
GREED
How many credit cards do you own? Three.
What’s your guilty pleasure store? It's a toss-up between Barnes & Noble and Best Buy. So...maybe amazon.com?
If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?
Distribute it among friends and family, after getting the body work done on the Jeep.
Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich. Then I'll buy fame, perhaps by hosting my own installment of 'Girls Gone Wild' a la Snoop or simply hanging out at The Lounge and getting knocked up by Colin Farrell.
Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Are you kidding? That's my fantasy.
Have you ever stolen anything? Probably, but nothing's coming to mind. Except for countless hearts, of course.
How many mp3s are on your hard drive? 862. I checked when I was downloading.
PRIDE
What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Ummm...I once protected a little kid trying to get into his apartment building from a crackhead who was blocking the entrance. But the crackhead was more loud than threatening. I was also awarded a full scholarship to law school.
What is one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? Graduate high school, I imagine, because the odds seemed so very slim. Here's to the persuasive power of the SATs.
What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? I'd like to publish something. Anything. I'd also like to have eternal life and the power of invisibility.
Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? I don't get annoyed by coming in last place. My mind does not have places, only 'before food' and 'after food'.
Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? Hardly.
Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? No.
What did you do today that you're proud of? Brushed my teeth.
ENVY
What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? My doctor friend mentioned above has the most flawless, creamy skin that's a dark coffee color. I want it. I must have it. I'm paler now than when I first arrived in Los Angeles.
Who would you want to go on "trading spaces"? This is one of those home shows, right? I'm not familiar with the concept. Can I have my mother re-do Madonna's house? Just because watching two Sicilian divas in such close proximity would be funny.
If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Buffy.
Have you ever been cheated on? Not to my knowledge.
Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Just about all of them.
What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? Effortless social skills. And tidiness.
Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? No, because it seems like a lot of work just to fill out. I'm too lazy to be envious.
Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? The Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
04.14.03 - Evening
I am so stupid sometimes.
I lost the title to the Jeep. Through four moves and six years I have faithfully carried this tiny slip of paper with me, knowing that I will need it someday. That someday is now. And I know I lost it within the last twenty-four hours. It was in my stack of Important Papers Not To Get Packed, and...now it's not. One of three things could have happened:
I don't even know how to go about replacing a vehicle title. I was supposed to sell the Jeep to Mike the bouncer this week. It's going to be difficult to sell a car that I can't prove is mine. Why do I do these things?
Shoot me, stuff me, mount me.
04.14.03 - Afternoon
An update on the move. I know you were wondering.
Jose and Antonio have taken the front door off the hinges. I am studiously looking in the other direction. Actually, I'm hiding out in the guest room with the laptop and a couple of Krispy Kreme donuts -- I went out this morning and bought three dozen, expecting these big burly moving-type guys to gobble them up. They've each taken, like, one. Are they on the protein diet? Are they just messing with my head? No matter. I shall take refuge in a cruller.
Special gay loving to brynnmck and kittyb90 as soon they will know my relocation pain.
04.14.03 - Morning
Cardboard City, or an ode to boxes with lids.
It's pouring rain outside. Do movers even come when it's raining? I have no idea. And I'm starting not to care -- my job is done. Everything is packed. Everything is in some kind of box, most likely one of the nice Staples boxes that come with lids. It's a wonderful concept. I shove stuff inside, slam the top down and it's out of sight, out of mind. There could be linens, kitchenware or high-grade heroin inside. Once the lid is on, it's simply a contained, streamlined 15% recycled materials secret. I suspect the aura of mystery will lose its novely once I have to unpack, but I refuse to think about that. Right now I'm simply going to hide out in the closet of the master bedroom and examine my surprisingly limited move-related injuries (one three inch by two inch bruise on the upper thigh; one broken nail; one battered psyche).
Final note: remind me if I ever move again to simply send the boy to Iceland for a week and call him when it's over. Much better that way. I wonder if there are any Slim Jims left in the cabinets...
04.09.03
So there's this as-yet-unreleased fic that I've been reading for a while now, and I'm pimping it here in the hopes that jainieg will start posting.
It's Spike/Faith, NC-17, and oh-so-delicious. It's easy, I think, to degenerate to stereotypes with these characters -- Faith in particular. But Jainie depicts a realistic, gritty but tender relationship between these two that makes you root for them in the best way. It's free of Buffy- or just about any character-bashing; instead it functions as a sensual, contemplative study of wounded people watching over one another. Strange as it sounds, 'Scraps' (working title) is a fic that makes me glad to be a human being, because it evokes our capacity for grace and compassion and finding beauty among the ruins.
In other news, truecrystal's LJ has a really worthwhile discussion about race identification in the current global and domestic climate. The original post is refreshingly frank, and the comments are diverse. Go; read; contribute.
Wow. Apparently everyone's been productive today but me. In my own defense, I must point out that I purchased a new kind of candy at Big Lots last night, and am devoting all my available energy to analyzing it. 'Dino-Sours'. 26 oz. container. $1.99. Will keep you updated on my progress.
04.08.03 Now this is more like it -- in about twenty minutes I'm going out to a real dinner, with a friend I haven't seen for a while (and won't see again soon). Also, the Super K-Mart by our house is closing and my boy bought me the Buffy XBox game at, like, a zillion percent off. And finally, I signed up for that Flash-Fic Challenge (thanks marguerite_26, in the hopes that it will get me motivated on 'Wayward'. Oh, and also to contribute to the fandom and all that.
Off to the trough. Take care, all.
04.07.03
So, I just got back from this hideously expensive meal with my boyfriend and another couple. It was 'Pan-Asian California fusion cuisine', which translates to 'No fried rice'. Some of the features on the menu included:
aromatic game consomme - I expect my food to have a certain pleasing smell about it, but being informed of such makes me concerned over the chef's definition of 'aromatic'.
topless oysters - I get what they mean, but too much time spent with lovebytez and nautibitz prompted a fairly bizarre mental image of this particular dish.
Chinese mango papaya chow chow - I have nothing to add.
So, while the other girl went into the bathroom to throw up I tried vainly to find the meat among my artistically arranged sun-dried tomatoes and water chestnuts. And I know I sound really whiny and petulant, but the truth is that exotic and adventurous food is wasted on me. I have a bland palate and extremely pedestrian tastes; I'm the girl who takes apart her pizza because the tomato sauce is too spicy. So I feel kind of bad, because I know someone else would totally have appreciated this evening, and I'm just cranky because when it comes to food, I value quantity over quality.
The night wasn't a total loss, because midway through the meal that Bush song from 'Dead Things' came on the restaurant stereo system, and I was briefly transported to my Happy Place (Spike, Buffy, tragic crypt-door yearning, him disposing of a body for her which I frankly think is the ultimate testament of devotion; I have trouble getting my boyfriend to take out the garbage, for crying out loud).
Anyway, now I'm home and still hungry so I'm eating Cheetos. And I realize this is probably a really dumb question, but how do I add posts to my 'Memories'? And can I add other people's posts? 'Cause I don't find what I say very memorable, but y'all are a funny and clever lot. Sexy, too. Oh, yeah. Especially you. You, over there. Mmm-mmm....
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