02.28.03
I'm in the car, waiting for my boyfriend to finish up work. He finally emerges, and before he even gets in he's rolling his eyes. "What is this?" he asks, loud enough to be heard over the thumping bass beat.

I bob my head happily. "It's KDL! L.A.'s new party station!" Dip trip, flip Fantasia. Bob. Bob. Swivel. He all but gags as I bounce in the passenger seat and totally ghetto-fy what was once a luxury automobile. I'm convinced that it stopped being a luxury automobile the day I drove it off the lot, but the boyfriend thinks the transformation was more recent; perhaps when I spilled the chocolate-banana milkshake in the back or when I attached a license plate holder that read DIE HARD CUBS FAN.

I like to believe that I have eclectic tastes in music, because I listen to rap, hip-hop, classic rock and alternative. In fact, the opposite is true. I like whatever the media tells me to like. Seriously. Play it enough times, and I'll accept it. Destiny's Child? I'm all over that. John Mayer? Gifted songwriter. Kylie Minogue? She's great. I'm sure this is the real reason I never include that 'Music' section when I update my LJ; while everyone else has really esoteric, cutting-edge selections I'm probably grooving to Glass Tiger or Lionel Richie.

Right now the boy is at the windowless Indian restaurant down the road, and I'm trying to work on the next chapter of 'Wayward' but none of the characters will do what I want. In a little while I'm going to try to post that ask-me-anything poll that's making the rounds, although I'll plagiarize katiedack and qualify mine: anything, except my name, address or phone number. Um, unless you're Kiefer Sutherland. In which case, call me!

02.26.03
Logged on at lunchtime today to check my email, and saw the news on the front page of Yahoo!.

Before you politely inquire what rock I've been living under -- yeah, I knew this was coming. I mean, I did. And I thought I'd accepted it. In fact, I thought it was time; the show had had a good run, I wanted to see it end with a bang instead of a whimper...

I wasn't ready. I'm not ready now. Not for any rational, carefully-considered reason or particular optimism about the further potential of the show, but because I don't want it to end. It makes me sad. I feel like I'm losing a friend. My mom, astute woman that she is, pointed out today that I've been hit recently with upsetting news about my actual living, breathing friends (some of you know what I'm talking about). I realize that I'm probably projecting my reactions about that onto the much-expected demise of a television show. I realize it's silly to feel bad about this when, frankly, there are so many other things to feel bad about. But if I get a littly nutty on the subject, at least you guys will be a fairly understanding audience.

And if I'm being honest, that's really part of my strange sense of loss: the fear that the community I've become a minor member of -- calling it a 'Buffy' fandom doesn't seem to do it justice -- will disappear along with the show. If you'd told me, a little more than a year ago, that I'd encounter the incredibly funny and kind and talented people that I have through this, I wouldn't have believed you. (Of course, I also wouldn't have believed that I'd write a fanfiction featuring the BuffyBot crucified atop a telephone pole. Good times.)

So I guess this is my clumsy, makeshift eulogy not to the show (I don't think in eulogies one is supposed to talk this much about oneself) but to an unexpected joy in my life and the online friends I've made as a result. You're all amazing. And sexy. You're all very sexy. I'd totally do you!

Sorry for the ramble. Next entry will return to our regularly scheduled programming (Have You Seen My Red Fleece Pants? and why Fannie May mint meltaways are the world's most perfect food).

02.25.03
It's 4:45 a.m. and I'm waiting to drive my dad to the airport. So this is just a quick update to post something I didn't mention yesterday:

To the guy in Coco's yesterday who was staring at me throughout my meal -- dude, that is not cute or flattering or sexy. Okay? It's creepy and annoying, especially since that man I was having breakfast with? My father. Twisting around in your booth as I left the restaurant was not a testimony to my hotness (unless fleece pants and hoodies and a refreshing lack of makeup get you going) but rather your sketchiness.

Well. I feel better. Can't believe I have to go to work today, though. What's up with that?

02.24.03
I think my boyfriend might break up with me and start dating my dad. They're in the living room right now, bonding over some History Channel special hosted by R. Lee Ermey. We just had an earthquake and now they're exchanging trivia about seismic activity around the world. I'm in the bedroom, getting kind of freaked out.

Thanks to everyone who said nice things about Wayward. Going comment-free has been a good experiment for me, but at times like this it feels like I'm sending my fic out into the void. Which is silly, because all of Roundabout was written before I had a LiveJournal. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a dirty whore for feedback. Or...okay. I'm just a dirty whore. But my mom says I'm pretty.

Pizza's here!

02.23.03
Hey, missmurchison got a LiveJournal! I'm so excited! It's always good to have several mediums through which I can stalk her.

For the last week or so I've gone comment-free in my own LJ. I was becoming worried that I wasn't sufficiently amusing/profound/insert self-critical value judgment here. It's been an interesting experiment, but I'm hoping that before my current story is done I'll have the intestinal fortitude to open up commenting again.

Right now my dad is in the kitchen making a pork roast and deviled eggs. I had to buy him a bunch of cooking utensils at Wal-Mart but I did manage to talk him out of the electric mixer. Because I don't care how easy instant pancakes are to make -- once he leaves, the box will remain untouched. As has the corn muffin mix my mom left the last time she visited. Today we drove up the Ortega Highway through the mountains, and he was very happy. It's so good to have him here.

02.20.03
I uploaded the first chapter of my new fic, Wayward. It's very strange, and I'm not sure of anything about it except that it's been in my head for a while. Set very loosely after 'Get It Done'.

My dad's visit is going very well. Today we're going out to Lake Elsinore and tomorrow to L.A. He and the boyfriend have already have several extended conversations on such subjects as tactical blunders in World War II, the mathematic principles in the 1954 film 'The Dambusters', and football.

02.20.03
SPWAP

So, I feel I should fill you in on what I see as the hot new 'ship in the 'Buffy' fandom: Spike/Principal Wood/Angel/Piglet.

Now, I know what you're thinking --

Angel?

But Piglet, you argue, Angel is lumpy and monosyllabic. Angel couldn't generate sexual chemistry if he had the entire Fermi lab at his disposal. Angel, you say, is a dork.

I understand. I do. That's what I thought, too, until sisabet showed me her 'Angel' video-in-progress. Oh. My. Angel? Is a pimp. Okay, people? I'm just preparing you, because when she drops this vid things are gonna change. Uh-huh.

Hey, my dad's coming in tomorrow! And I'm almost finished with chapter one of my new fic. It's doesn't branch off specifically after 'Get It Done', but damn how I'm loving the stories that have come from that ep.

Anyway, Spike/Principal Wood/Angel/Piglet. Expect to see lots of angsty NC-17 vignettes, tribute websites, and angry forum flame wars over this one, folks. I'm telling you, it's the new stilleto heel of smut.

02.17.03
I am sitting here watching the finale of 'Joe Millionaire'. I feel so dirty. But not "Oooh, my naughty toes!" dirty. Golly, women are awful. And I actually find Evan (a.k.a. Joe) kind of greasy. Maybe that's because he seems like the kind of guy who's too dumb to practice proper personal hygiene.

I'm also attempting to download 'Buffy' and 'Angel' episodes from alt.binaries.multimedia.buffy-v-slayer, and it's very confusing. Well, probably not to other people, but to me. All the files have names like "Part Eleventeen of Six Gabillion - READ THE NFO, BEYOTCH!" sisabet had a really good post about this on the Band of Buggered Forum, but I can't find it now so I'm just sort of muttering irritably to myself.

Edited To Add: Thanks to jainieg and a few old posts from Myrtle and Eunice, I have officially downloaded 'Get It Done'. And it works. I'm not used to this sort of success, and I may have to lie down. Thank goodness it's bedtime.

02.15.03

This picture is from an online card my boyfriend sent me for Valentine's Day. It's the sweetest thing I've seen in a long time, and that's including the baklava I had yesterday for dessert.

He's out playing football now, and in a bit we're going to head up north to see some friends. I'm glad and strangely relieved; I've been really awful lately about keeping in touch with people but haven't done much to change the situation. I seriously have a mental list of people I need to call or email or meet up with and it just keeps getting longer. One at a time....

My dad is coming to visit on Friday and I can't wait. He's an amazing person; he's done so much with his life and is constantly, constantly giving. He left high school in order to support his family but eventually received an M.B.A. from the University of Chicago. Now that he's retired he does hospice care in our hometown and received an award for it last year. He and my boyfriend get along famously; so much so that they may spend the entire weekend watching old war movies on the History Channel and exchanging bits of trivia. That's fine with me; I'm just crossing my fingers that my dad's patented non-observance will prevent him from realizing that I've lost ten pounds since he saw me at Thanksgiving. Hopefully I can distract him with the joys of 500 cable channels.

I totally want to see 'Daredevil'. Is that wrong?

02.13.03
I've been pretty depressed lately, and I think it's because I'm not eating potato chips for breakfast anymore. For the sake of humanity and my own psychological well-being, I may have to start that again. Salvation may also come in the form of Gino's East pizza, imported straight from Chicago -- my friend who went to high school with me and now lives in Burbank called to say that she and her husband had come into possession of said goodness, and did we want to share? Needless to say we'll be going up there this weekend.

How 'First Date' gave me a happy. I felt like I was seeing the Scoobies I liked and remembered. I adored Willow's line about how Buffy would have to "dress for the ambiguity." Don't I know it, Will. Story. Of. My. Life. Well, except for high school where I had to wear the uniform but that's really off-topic, isn't it? I was also oddly touched by the scene in the Taj Mahal -- er, Summers' bathroom, with Anya trying to clean Buffy's shirt. That's actually a genuine girlfriend thing, and it was nice to see.

And, of course...."...still in love with Spike?" I'm telling you, there was more Spuffiness in this episode than there was in the second half of Season 6. And I'll admit, I vacillate between liking Noble!Spike and missing the old Spike's snark. But the alternative ('Seeing Red', anyone?) is much worse, and I find that I can totally buy his character now if I just ignore most of last year. Just skip right from 'The Gift' to now.

Andrew. I love you.

Nikki's back! Go Nik-ki, Go Nik-ki....Okay, so I would have preferred the original actress but I'm just glad she was resurrected at all. And yeah, I know that it's really The First and all but still -- Nikki!

I want to write a story about Spike and Nikki, set in the present time. It's sheer insanity and I'm fighting the urge but bits and pieces are trickling out nonetheless. I've wanted to do this for a long time (ask kittyb90 and Miss Murchison) but this episode just confirmed it.

I'm also watching '24'. I don't think it's a spoiler to say that I love BadAss!Kiefer, and I'm frankly just happy to see him working steadily. I worry about all my boys from the Brat Pack.http://home.mchsi.com/~missmurchison/Chiaroscuro.htm Finally, Miss Murchison's Chiaroscuro was awarded Best Romance Fic at the Bite Me Awards. If you haven't read this story yet, go. Now. I'll wait.

02.02.03
I haven't updated for a while, mostly because of work. Which I'm not going to talk about -- instead, here are other newsworthy items:

Bacon Vindication
After the recent discussion, I decided to try out regular (vs. packaged-for-the-microwave) bacon. Jeez, what a production. It didn't cost any less than the boxed kind, it leaked grease everywhere, and it was really fatty. Now, normally I'm not a girl who turns down a good helping of lard but this made even me a little queasy. Then, as through a fog, I recalled a dim vision of my mother cutting fat off bacon. Which I did. But it still took a hella long time for the whole deal, and it made me remember why I don't cook. Microwavable bacon, I return to your loving embrace. I'm sorry I ever strayed.

Have You Been Behaving Yourself?
Yesterday I went to Carlsbad to meet with my across-the-street neighbors from back home. They drove out here to visit their son, and asked my mother if she had anything she'd like them to give me. "Yes," my mother said, and loaded them up with a Christmas present that had been too large for me to take on the plane back to Cali.

The lunch was very nice, as they're incredibly lovely people. But I couldn't help thinking it had something of the quality of an interview -- like, I had to come up with a damn good reason for still being in California, and what was my boyfriend doing that he couldn't be with us today? And, why didn't you eat your croissant? (Because I was too nervous. And now I keep thinking about it. The Croissant That Got Away.) Anyway, I had a nice if nerve-wracking time, and I even refrained from stopping at McDonald's on the way back.

Shameless Self-Promotion
You know, I had a lot of stuff banging around in my brain that I wanted to write about. Now I'm coming up with only the most banal stuff. Oh! Here's something.

Roundabout was nominated for a Timeless Award. I'm fairly certain I won't win, if only because they sent me the notification about two weeks ago and I'm just now putting the banner up. But I appreciate it, despite my belated response.

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