02/26/01 - It's a woman's perogative to change her mind. That's pretty shallow talk there. Anyone can change their mind. Perogative has nothing to do with it. Maybe I'm just using that phrase to hide the fickle part of myself. Fickel, now there's a good word. It has me thinking teenage thoughts ... nevermind. I'm not sure how I want my web site. I seem to be changing it a lot. I can't leave it alone. Actually I'm having a great time exploring and creating with it. The trouble is it's a bit like my writing. I'm having trouble finding my voice. How can that be? Shouldn't I know my own voice? I have seen some very nice on-line journals lately. There are some that I feel very moved by. And you know what? It's not so much what is said in those journals, it's the feeling you get when you are there. That's the voice I want to hear ... the voice of my feelings.
02/24/01 - I am realizing that I am as crazy as I thought I was. I am identifying with the kooks on the train today. There is no way for me to fit in mainstream USA, although I don't look all that wierd from the outside. It's the inside that gives me away. The kooks I'm looking at, they are actually strange looking. Maybe, just maybe, they are totally mainstream inside. Maybe all their creativity lies on the outside, while my creativity is hidden deep inside. I like the kooks. They must identify with me somehow, know I'm one of them. They always seem to talk to me freely. I see them as characters for my stories. Then I wonder, who will ever want to read stories about kooks? Do kooks read?
02/23/01 - I am not attached. I am not attached. Words that date me. Words from the Be Here Now guru Baba Ram Dass. They are comforting words. The Child crashed my computer; I lost everything. It seems he wanted to delete a game named Command so he went to Find Files, found all the files named command, and deleted them. Without Command, your computer is nothing. So, I start over from scratch. That's a good thing really as ... I Am Not Attached!
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