  Please add your entry to the  How else will I tell who is dropping in? If you have comments or questions, then just 
|
|
 HTML by InfoFlex |
 Graphic Enhancements by Flaming Pear |
 All Graphics by JASC |
Please add your entry to the How else will I tell who is dropping in? If you have comments or questions, then just
|
|
HTML by InfoFlex |
Graphic Enhancements by Flaming Pear |
All Graphics by JASC |
| Ferguson's Precept | A crisis is when you can't say "Let's forget the whole thing". |
| The Unapplicable Law | Washing your car to make it rain does not work. |
| Murphy's Saving Grace | The worst is the enemy of the bad. |
| Naeser's Law | You can make it fool-proof, but you cannot make it DAMNFOOL-PROOF. |
| Drazen's Law Of Restitution | The time it takes to rectify a situation is inversely proportional to the time it took to do the damage. |
| The Queue Principle | The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the WRONG line. |
| Flugg's Supermarket Rule | The slowest checker is always working at the quick check-out lane. |
| Witten's Law | Whenever you trim your fingernails, you will always find a need for them an hour later. |
| Hutchinson's Law | If a situation requires your undivided attention, it will occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction. |
| Law Of Letter-Writing | The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the letter. |
| Jone's Law Of Zoos & Museums | The most interesting specimen or exhibit will not be labelled. |
| Perkin's Postulate | The bigger they are, the harder they hit. |
| Stewart's Law Of Retroaction | It is easier to get forgiveness afterwards than permission beforehand. |
| Loftus Law On Personnel Recruitment # 1: | Out-of-town talent always seems better than home-grown talent. |
| Loftus Law On Personnel Recruitment # 2: | Personnel recruitment is a triumph of hope over experience. |
| First Rule Of Superior Inferiority | Do not let your superiors know you are better than they are. |
| Whistler's Law | You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge. |
| Gottlieb's Rule | The boss who attempts to impress employees with his knowledge of intricate details has lost sight of his objective. |
| First Rule Of Negative Anticipation | You will save yourself a lot of needless worry if you do not burn your bridges until you come to them. |
| Thal's Law | For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision. |
| Law Of Probable Dispersal | Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. |
| Luposchainsky's Hurry Up And Wait Rules | If you are early, it will be cancelled. If you are on time, you will have to wait. If you are late, you will be too late |
| Gourd's Axiom | A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. |
| Hardin's Law | You can not do just one thing. |
| Hecht's Fourth Law | There is no time like the present for postponing what you do not want to do. |
| Grossman's Lemma | Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday. |
| Dehay's Axiom | Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later. |
| Wethern's Law Of Suspended Judgement | Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. |
| Ray's Rule Of Precision | Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe. |
| Second Law Of Repair | You can't fix it if it ain't broke. |
| First Rule Of Intelligent Tinkering | Save all the parts. Especially any parts left over at the end. |
| Law Of Office Murphology # 1 | Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. |
| Law Of Office Murphology # 2 | Office machines which work well during office hours will break down while doing personal work after hours. |
| Law Of Office Murphology # 3 | Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the serviceman arrives. |
| Law Of Office Murphology # 4 | Envelopes and stamps which won't stick when licked will stick to other things when you don't want them to. |
| Law Of Office Murphology # 5 | Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where left to where they can't be found. |
| Law Of Office Murphology # 6 | The last person who quit or was fired will be held responsible for eveything that goes wrong - until the next one. |
| Devries' Dilemma | If you hit two keys on the keyboard, the one you don't want hits the paper. |
| Hutchison's Postulate | For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. |
| Pfeifer's Principle | No one keeps a record of decisions you could have made but did not; everyone keeps a record of your bad ones. |
| Matilda's Law Of Sub-Committee Formation | If you leave the room, you are elected. |
| Smith's Laws Of Repair | 1) Access holes will be 1/2 inch too small. 2) Holes the right size will be in the wrong place. |
| First Rule Of Intelligent Tinkering | Save all the parts. Especially save all the apparently excess parts. |
| Basic Rule For New Workers | When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly. |
| Finagle's Eighth Rule | Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else. |
| Finagle's Creed | Science is theoretical truth. Do not be misled by real-world facts. |
| Handy Guide To Modern Science | If it's green or wriggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics. |
| Lerman's Law Of Technology | Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time & money. You are never given enough time & money. |
| Thumb's First Postulate | It is better to use a crude approximation and know the truth, +or- 10%, than demand an exact solution and know nothing at all. |
| Thumb's Second Postulate | An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex, incomprehensible truth. |
| Grelb's Law Of Erroring | In any series of calculations, errors tend to occur at the opposite end to the end where you start checking. |
| Fifth Law Of Unreliability | To err is human, but to really foul things up, you need a computer. |
| Greer's Third Law | A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do. |
| Steinbach's Guideline For Programming | Never test for an error condition you do not know how to handle. |
| Watergate Principle | Government corruption is always reported in the past tense. |
| Alinsky's Rule For Radicals | Those who are the most moral are farthest from the problem. |
| Evans' Law | If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, then you just don't understand the problem. |
| Rule Of Defactualization | Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies. |
| Glyme's Formula For Success | The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake sincerity, you have got it made. |
| O'brien's Law | Nothing is ever done for the right reasons. |
| Dood's Rule For Dealing With Government | When the government's remedy does not match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy. |
Vol I . Vol II . Vol III . Vol IV . Vol V . Vol VI . Vol VII . Vol VIII . Vol IX . Vol X
| Since May 02, 1999 12:45pm |
|