  Please add your entry to the  How else will I tell who is dropping in? If you have comments or questions, then just 
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Please add your entry to the How else will I tell who is dropping in? If you have comments or questions, then just
|
|
HTML by InfoFlex |
Graphic Enhancements by Flaming Pear |
All Graphics by JASC |
| Mars' Rule | An expert is anyone from out of town. |
| Weger's Definition | An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less, until he knows absolutely everything about nothing. |
| Warren's Rule | To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most. |
| Schroeder's Law | Indecision is the basis of flexibility. |
| Green's Law Of Debate | Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. |
| Burke's Rule | Never create a problem for which you do not have an answer. Create problems for which ONLY you have the answer. |
| First Rule Of History | History does not repeat itself --- historians merely repeat each other. |
| Dunlap's Law Of Physics | 1) Fact is solidified opinion. 2) Facts may weaken under extreme heat & pressure. 3) Truth is elastic. |
| Merkin's Maxim | When in doubt, predict the trend will continue. Unless conditions change. |
| Meyer's Law | It is simple to make things more complex, but complex to make things more simple. |
| Hanlon's Razor | Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. |
| Hlade's Law | If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person, who will find an easier way to do it. |
| Medical Principle 1 | Just because your doctor has a name for your condition, it does not mean he knows what it is. |
| Medical Principle 2 | The more boring & out-of-date the waiting room magazines, the longer the wait for your scheduled appointment. |
| Medical Principle 3 | Only adults have difficulty with child-proof containers. |
| Medical Principle 4 | You never have the right number of pills left on the last day of the prescription. |
| Medical Principle 5 | The pills to be taken with meals will be the least appetizing ones. |
| Third Law Of Repair | If you can't fix it, don't break it. |
| First Law Of Repair | If it ain't broke, don't fix it. |
| Fagin's Rule Extended | Hindsight is an exact science. Foresight is an inexact pseudo-science. |
| Law Of Nursing 1 | There are two kinds of adhesive tape: that which won't stay on, and that which won't come off. |
| Law Of Nursing 2 | All the bedpans are at the other end of the hall. |
| Law Of Nursing 3 | Patients need to have their sleeping pills on time, even if already asleep. |
| Barach's Rule | An alcoholic is someone who drinks more than his or her doctor. |
| Breda's Rule Of Sports Events | The people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last. |
| Moser's Law Of Spectator Sports | Exciting plays occur only while you are watching the scoreboard or out buying a hotdog. |
| First Law Of Travel | It always takes longer to get there than to get back. |
| Law Of Life's Highway | If everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane. |
| Lemar's Parking Regulation | If you have to park six blocks away, you will then find two empty spaces right at the building entrance. |
| Mckee's Law of STOP & GO | When you are in a hurry, the light will turn green as soon as you come to a complete stop. |
| Fremo's Law Of Automotive Repair | If you drop something in the engine compartment, it will never reach the ground. |
| Bromberg's Law Of Car Repair 1 | Metric and imperial tools can apparently be used interchangeably on bolts & nuts. At least once, anyway. |
| Bromberg's Law Of Car Repair 2 | Any task around an automobile, no matter how minor, involves getting covered in grease and oil. |
| Bromberg's Law Of Car Repair 3 | In an emergency, the only tool available is usually a hammer. |
| Gold's Law | If the shoe fits, it's ugly. |
| Finman's Bargain Basement Principle | The one you really want never goes on sale. |
| Hershiser's Rule | Anything marked 'NEW' or 'IMPROVED' isn't. It just means the price went up. |
| Mcgowan's MADISON AVENUE AXIOM | If an item is advertised as 'under $50', you can be sure it is not priced at $19.95 |
| Beryl's Law Of Careful Purchasing | The 'Consumer Report' on an item is published the week after your purchase. |
| Savignano's Law Of Mail-Order 1 | If you don't write to complain, you will never receive your order. |
| Savignano's Law Of Mail-Order 2 | If you write to complain, your merchandise arrives before they receive your angry letter. |
| Lewis' Law Of Supply | People will buy anything that limited to one to a customer. |
| Brook's Law Of Retailing | Security isn't. Management can't. Sales promotions don't. Consumer assistance doesn't. Worker's won't. |
| O'Reilly's Law Of The Kitchen | Cleanliness is next to impossible. |
| Law Of Kitchen Gadgets 1 | Multi-function gadgets will not perform any function adequately. |
| Law Of Kitchen Gadgets 2 | The more expensive the gadget, the less often you will use it. |
| Law Of Secure Packaging | The simpler the instructions (e.g. 'Press here'), the more difficult it will be to open the package. |
| Law Of Family Recipes | In a handwritten recipe, the most vital measurement will be illegible. |
| Inverse Law Of Culinary Magic | You are always complimented on the menu item that took the least effort to prepare. |
| Law Of Culinary Reference | The more time spent in preparation, the more likely the guests will pass the entire meal discussing other feasts. |
| Alice's Law Of The Kitchen | Whatever you prepare for supper, someone will have had it for lunch. |
| Working Cook's Law 1 | If you are wondering if you took the meat out to thaw this morning, you didn't. |
| Working Cook's Law 2 | If you are wondering if you left the coffee pot plugged in, you did. |
| Working Cook's Law 3 | If you are wondering if you have enough money for dinner out tonight, you don't. |
| Hamilton's Law For Cleaning Glassware | The spot you can't get off is on the other side. If that is the inside, you won't be able to reach it. |
| Walker's Law Of Laundry | There is always more dirty laundry than clean laundry. But if it's clean, it isn't laundry! |
| Skoff's Law | A child will not spill on a dirty floor. |
| Van Roy's Law Of Toys | An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. |
| Law Of Feline Appetite | The probability of a cat eating its dinner has absolutely nothing to do with the price of the food placed before it. |
| Parkinson's Law For Teenagers | The teenage stomach expands to accomodate the amount of junk food available. |
| Principle Of Fruit Purchase | If you buy bananas or avocados before they are ripe, there won't be any left by the time they are ripe. |
| Ballance's Law Of Relativity | The length of a minute depends upon which side of the bathroom door you are on. |
| Britt's Green Thumb Rule | The life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely with its price, and directly with its ugliness. |
| Kovac's Conundrum | When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. |
| Arthur's Law Of Love 1 | People to whom you are attracted invariably think you remind them of someone else. |
| Arthur's Law Of Love 2 | Other people's romantic gestures seem novel and exciting. Your own romantic gestures seem foolish and clumsy. |
| Arthur's Law Of Love 3 | A love note you finally got the courage to send will be delayed long enough for you to make a fool of youself in person. |
| Thom's Law Of Marital Bliss | The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount spent on the wedding. |
| Bedfellow's Rule | The one who snores always falls asleep first. |
| Ruby's Rule Of Close Encounters | The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. |
| Chett's Lament | If you help a friend in need, he or she will be sure to remember you ... the next time he or she is in need. |
| Dennnison's Law | Virtue is its own punishment. |
| Jacob's Law | To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human. |
| Edelstein's Advice | Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They are too busy doing the same thing. |
| Bocklage's Law | He who laughs last, probably didn't get the joke. |
| Basic Law Of Excess | If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing. |
| Roger's Observation On Murphyism | In a bureaucratic hierachy, the higher up they are, the less people appreciate Murphy. |
| Jaffe's Precept | There are some things which are impossible to know. It even impossible to know which things these are. |
| Muir's Law Of Interdependance | When we try to isolate just one thing, we find out that it is inevitably attached to everything else in the universe. |
| Ducharme's Axiom | If one views one's problems closely enough, one will recognize oneself as part of the problem. |
| The Last Law | If several things that could have gone wrong have NOT gone wrong, it would have been best if they had gone wrong. |
Vol I . Vol II . Vol III . Vol IV . Vol V . Vol VI . Vol VII . Vol VIII . Vol IX . Vol X
| Since May 02, 1999 12:45pm |
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