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Guestbook |
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Dark Angel Quotes
Here is my list of the best lines in the show - dialogue that is especially funny, memorable or classic. But as much as I like the writing on Dark Angel, there are just some lines that make you want to groan and/or cringe. Hey, no one’s perfect all the time. So after you enjoy the good stuff, you can laugh at the not-so-good stuff. Click here to read my favorite bad lines. If you don't see your favorite quote here, or have others you would like me to add, please email me. Thanks!
Click on the links below to go to a certain episode's quotes.
Season One
[Pilot] [Heat] [Flushed] [C.R.E.A.M.]
[411 On The DL] [Prodigy] [Cold Comfort]
[Blah Blah, Woof Woof] [Out] [Red] [Art Attack]
[Rising] [The Kidz Are Aiight] [Female Trouble]
[Haven] [Shorties in Love] [Pollo Loco]
[I And I Am A Camera] [Hit A Sista Back]
[Meow] [And Jesus Brought A Casserole]
MAX: Hope is for losers.
KENDRA: I feel almost human.
MAX: Yeah. Me, too.
EYES ONLY: Do not attempt to adjust your set. This is a Streaming Freedom Video bulletin. The cable hack will last exactly 60 seconds. It cannot be traced, it cannot be stopped and it is the only free voice left in the city.
MAX: I'm really glad we're having this conversation. You're right, I was angry at you but talking about it . . . the scales have fallen from my eyes and I realize now that . . . it was all my fault. Could you ever forgive me?
LOGAN: You have good taste. French, 1920s, attributed to Chitarus.
MAX: Whoever that is.
LOGAN: Oh. So . . .what, you liked it 'cause it was shiny?
MAX: No, because it's the Egyptian goddess Bast, the goddess who comprehends all goddesses, eye of Ra, protector, avenger, destroyer, giver of life who lives forever.
MAX: Kendra, this is a motorcycle. Its sole reason for being is to go fast, very fast. Not for you to use as a clothesline. Now, make no mistake. I love you as a friend and a roommate, but I love my motorcycle more. Stay away from the bike, okay?
PETER: We trying to ID the perp or your new girlfriend?
LOGAN: If I just got my ass handed to me by a size three I might be inclined to mind my own business.
MAX: I don't know how to break this to you, Normal. We're all looking for another job.
MAX: Girls kick ass. Says so on the T-shirt.
MAX: Are you high? I've got people looking to either put me in a cage for the rest of my life, turn me into a science project, or kill me. Probably all three. Now I've managed to drop off the radar screen and I plan to keep it that way.
MAX: So what do you think? Maybe after I betray the woman who trusts me and you grease her and her daughter we could, um . . . go on a date?
MAX (fighting with Bruno): Pathetic. Come on, you're not even trying.
CINDY: You're heterosexual. What's up with that?
KENDRA: No clue.
KENDRA: There's only one word for you and it starts with an "s", ends with a "t", and it's got a "u" and "l" in the middle.
MAX: "Sult"?
KENDRA: A dyslexic slut at that.
ERIC (coming out of the bathroom in a towel): Good morning, ladies. We didn't really get a chance to talk last night. I'm Eric, and you are?
KENDRA: Leaving. That better not be my towel.
MAX: Eric! I have to ask you a question. Can you be perfectly honest with me?
ERIC: I'll try.
MAX: Do you have an uncle?
ERIC: Absolutely.
MAX: Does he work for the sector police?
ERIC: Yes.
MAX: What does he do?
ERIC: Well, if there's a mess of some kind in the organization, he's in charge of cleaning it up.
MAX: Like internal affairs?
ERIC: More like janitorial . . .
NORMAL: Well, well, well . . . so far, your moron colleagues have come up with the following excuses for why you're strolling in here at the crack of noon - you had a dental emergency, your aunt died . . . again, and my personal favorite from this idiot - you were detained by the sector police for practicing witchcraft. Now, would you care to further insult my intelligence?
MAX: I overslept.
CINDY: "What drugs?" Hey! The pills you got Max hooked on live with the Tidy Bowl man now.
BLING: Got a thing for this girl, don't you?
LOGAN: Why does everybody keep saying that?
CINDY: Max, that's enough. Max. Damn, girl, what's in those pills?
MAX: Spinach.
CINDY: Bottom line - that SOB got what he deserved. He went splat.
LOGAN: I always knew that underneath that bioengineered, military-issue armor plating there was a beating heart.
MAX: Let's not go overboard here. I'm not signing up to join the Logan Cale brigade for the defense of widows, small children, and lost animals.
LOGAN: You could be field commander.
MAX: I think not.
LOGAN: You know, you were much sweeter when you weren't feeling well.
MAX: The bitch is back.
MAX: I don't want a used ride. I want my motorcycle.
ORIGINAL CINDY: It's just a machine.
MAX: It's an extension of my soul if there is such a thing.
MAX: I never pictured you as the married type. You're more the lone warrior. You know - windmills, armor.
MAX: Oh, please tell me you're not one of those people -- Because a raindrop fell in the ocean 10,000 years ago and a butterfly farted in India, you and I are sitting right here right now enjoying a cup of coffee that tastes like goat piss.
SAM: Anything's possible.
MAX: Unravel this mystery, grasshopper. What’s the sound of one hand hitting you upside your head, hmm?
LYDECKER: You look like you were around in the days before the pulse. Your parents brought you over to visit your little friends. Carpools to soccer games, art schools. And do you really think, Miss Glasser, that your childhood prepared you for the life that you have to live now?
MAX: My childhood wasn't quite like that.
MAX: You're such a gentleman. (slams the terrorist to the wall) Too bad I'm not a lady.
LOGAN: Ordering myself a new wheelchair. Looking for one with the jet thrusters.
LOGAN: So . . . that was Lydecker.
MAX: Yep, my own private Anti-Christ, up close and personal.
LOGAN: Shorter than I imagined.
MAX: But you know what really bums my ass out? I had a chance to swipe some towels from the hotel and I totally spaced it.
NORMAL: Yeah, well, I'd like to take off every June 12, but I don't.
HERBAL: What's June 12?
NORMAL: June 12 is the birthday of my personal hero and perhaps the nation's greatest visionary - George Herbert Walker Bush.
SKETCHY: You guys want to head back to Jam Pony?
ORIGINAL CINDY: He can't.
HERBAL: Not for a half hour.
SKETCHY: Why not?
HERBAL: Normal said if I made two more runs before lunch, he going to make me employee of the week.
ZACK: Did you look in the yellow pages under "black helicopter operations"?
LOGAN: Oh, another Manticore wit.
MAX: We'll play "pin the name on the barcode" later.
ORIGINAL CINDY: Well, just look on the bright side. Maybe this Mr. Sivapathasundaram brought us all just a little bit closer together.
NORMAL: Oh, God, I feel ill.
LOGAN: Isn't it against the superhuman code to use your powers to take advantage of we mere mortals?
MAX: Oh, I forgot. No fun for Logan Cale. The world’s coming to an end. Fight the power. Protect the downtrodden. Blah blah, woof woof.
ZACK: You shouldn't leave your window open if you don't want visitors.
SUNG: You know, I'm getting the sense that you are not a man to be taken lightly. Am i right about that, Mr. Ronald? Are you not a man to be taken lightly?
NORMAL: Uh . . . Mmm . . . Yeah. I mean, no. Uh . . . Uh, yeah, I most certainly am . . . not.
HERBAL: Um, you got to take comfort in the words of the great Bob Marley: "Me don't swim too tough so me don't go out in water too deep."
SKETCHY: That just didn't help me out at all.
MAX: If you die on me, I'll kick your ass.
NORMAL: Well, well, well. Look who decided to come in today.
MAX: Don't bust my chops, Normal, or I might snap and kill again.
KENDRA: Max, you can do this. I've watched you tear down and rebuild a motorcycle in under two hours.
MAX: Different skill set.
SKETCHY: What is up with Normal this morning? He's flossing, literally.
SUNG: What did you find out last night at the airstrip?
LOGAN: When some girls don't eat dinner they get real cranky.
BLING: If I ever hear you talk like that again I will beat on your skinny ass, wheelchair or no wheelchair. You understand?
TACOMA BLEED: Check this out. You and Gilligan better get on up out of here 'cause starting right now anybody ain't claiming the same set as me is going down quick . . . and wet.
MAX: Great -- another man on a mission.
LOGAN: I was wondering when we were going to get to the hitting part.
LOUISE: I'm gay.
NORMAL: In what sense?
MAX: Don't hold up the war on my account.
LOGAN: The world will still be broken in the morning.
MAX: Tough. I'm gonna have a hot bath. His weed's gonna have to chill. I mean, we stole the power first -- it belongs to us.
BRUNO: I would just like to go on record as saying that I'm unhappy with the treatment I'm receiving currently.
BRUNO: You got a thing for tying up guys, don't you?
MAX: I save it all for you, Bruno.
MAX: Dinner's on its way. Why don't you take a nap or something 'til it gets here?
BRUNO: I can't sleep!
MAX: You want me to put you under again?
BRUNO: I'm serious! I gotta call my kid.
MAX: You actually have offspring? Is it considered Homo sapiens?
LOGAN (on phone, clearly expecting Max): Hey.
ORIGINAL CINDY: Hey.
LOGAN (surprised): Hey.
ORIGINAL CINDY: You got Original Cindy here.
LOGAN: Oh. Hey.
ORIGINAL CINDY: We already did that.
MAX: You don't have to tell me to be afraid. I'm already there.
MAX: Are you dehydrated or something? ‘Cause you’re not making a whole hell of a lot of sense.
MAX: See, that’s what I don’t get. How can you promise you’re gonna love someone forever?
LOGAN: Well, it’s a declaration of intent. A vow.
MAX: You took it, and look how that turned out.
LOGAN: You and Uncle Jonas are going to get along famously.
MAX: Can I see the ring? Wow. Good clarity, colorless . . . I could fence this for ten thou, easy.
MARGO: Max . . . ?
MAX: Guevara.
MARGO: Guevara.
LOGAN: . . . of the Greenwich Guevaras.
SKETCHY: One thing you can say about Normal is at least he knows who he is.
ORIGINAL CINDY: A constipated, crusty, angry, rhythm-free, Republican white man?
ORIGINAL CINDY: Well, what’s in it for me?
NORMAL: Money. Lots of it. . . . Ten bucks.
JONAS: Of course, if you’re shacked up with him, you’re probably one of those free thinkers, too, and think I’m talking through my hat.
MAX (smiling sweetly): Not unless you wear your hat on your ass.
NORMAL: I can’t believe they actually came through for me.
DUVALIER: What you thought, they just was gonna let you die?
NORMAL: Yes, actually. They don’t like me too much.
DUVALIER: Know what the word “defenestration” means?
MAN: Isn’t that when you cut all the trees down?
MAX: No, I’m not familiar with the term “defenestration” . . . Ouch.
MAX: Logan Cale, protector of all that is good and true, advocating larceny?
LOGAN: No. I’ll call the store and have them charge it to me.
MAX: Forget it. It’s a waste of money.
LOGAN: No, it’s not. You look beautiful in it. In fact, you were the most beautiful woman there.
HERBAL: I am very well, thank you.
ORIGINAL CINDY: Forget to put water in the bong, boo? You talking strange.
ORIGINAL CINDY: Normal!
NORMAL: What?
ORIGINAL CINDY: There's something I've been wanting to say to you ever since the day I first started working here. I quit.
ORIGINAL CINDY: . . . $25,000 if you lose an eye and a leg or both eyes and a hand. And if you sign up now you can take advantage of this offer that won't cost you an arm and a leg. A few questions? Sure. What do you want to know? Excuse me? How much if you lost your what? What am I wearing? Freak!
ORIGINAL CINDY: So she's hitting it with the po-po and getting kinky with the handcuffs, huh?
MAX: Do you mind? I'm trying to purge that particular image from my memory.
MAX: How do I look in red?
ORIGINAL CINDY: Now let me see this barcode of yours. Sugar, that's kinda hot, aiight.
NORMAL: Hot run, 46 Euclid.
HERBAL: 46 Euclid's been incarcerated. Solicitation of a minor.
NORMAL: Oh, well, we'll return that to sender.
ORIGINAL CINDY: If you're not coming home, could you just call so I don't worry?
MAX: You called me, right? You remembered my number.
ZACK: It's not the same.
MAX: Yes, you can do it if you try.
ZACK: No, it's different with you. I mean, how could I forget . . . single thing about you? How could I?
MAX: Eyes Only just made himself another enemy.
LOGAN: Well, it was getting a little quiet around here.
ORIGINAL CINDY: By the way, some of those black-helicopter storm-trooper folks stopped by, asking about a transgenic teenage killing machine. I said you were out.
LOGAN: An X5 assassin in a family way.
MAX: How’d it happen?
VERTES: In the usual manner, I suspect.
MAX: Sounds like Manticore’s gotten its swerve on since my day.
MAX: Donald Lydecker, wherever you are, you can kiss my genetically-engineered ass!
MAX: What does Normal want with lingerie?
SKETCHY: I'm a businessman. I don't ask questions.
MAX: Class One, VIP, no-questions-asked sector passes. I had to hang upside-down outside the window for an hour to swipe these from police headquarters. I almost horked, I got so nauseous, and I hate horking. You're not bailing on me.
MAX: I don't mean to bruise your delicate male ego, but your uncle's cabin is back that way.
MAN: Welcome to Cape Haven.
MAX: . . .Where the men are men and the tourists are afraid.
TRUDY: Bathroom's through that door. Master bedroom.
MAX AND LOGAN: Where's the guest bedroom?
MAX AND LOGAN: I snore.
MAX: If I'd known this was gonna be an Eyes Only wilderness retreat, I wouldn't have come.
LOGAN: Thing about the wheelchair . . . builds upper-body strength.
MAX: It's good to know that when the superhero's otherwise occupied, the sidekick's ready to step in.
MAX: Herbal, you got some guns on you!
ORIGINAL CINDY: What? You never had a manicure before, boo?
MAX: No. Sounds too much like Manticore.
MAX: Somebody out there just doesn't want me to be happy.
SKETCHY: I pretty much get the drift here. You don't feature dudes.
DIAMOND: Let's just say Diamond's never met a man worthy of her kiss, but I know how you boys like a challenge.
MAX: What is it with guys and lesbians anyway? I mean, what's so damn fascinating about being unwanted by the opposite sex?
LOGAN: So they were really making out?
MAX: Mickey's cracked-out cousin thinks he's setting up house in our crib!.
MAX: Lydecker's posse's all "G.I. Joe, hut-hut-hut."
MAX (about the fight): They were just trying to get me to change long distance carriers.
SIDNEY CROAL: Pain in the joints or limbs?
MAX: No, but I'm beginning to notice a very acute pain in my ass.
MAX: Something did go sideways: Diamond.
LOGAN: Original Cindy's new, old, former, on-again girlfriend?
LOGAN: So why would a player like Croal be interested in Diamond?
MAX: Maybe they dated when she was going through her experimental period and it ended badly.
MAX (to Father Destry): You sniff out honeys in church?
BEN: Nothing went wrong with me! I'm doing what I was made to do, what we were taught to do!
MAX: Hunt people down to perform amateur dental surgery? I must've missed that class.
LYDECKER: You think this is all some kind of joke? These kids are like puppies you can bring home and housebreak? They were designed to kill. Coldly . . . efficiently . . . and happily. You think because she's so pretty that she isn't as dangerous? They're all killers. All they need is a trigger. You may think you have some kind of relationship between the two of you, but let me tell you something, son. She's not the girl next door. You have no idea what she's capable of doing.
SKETCHY: . . . And we're jumped by a pack of local hard bodies. I throw a few punishers to defend our girl's honor, but these dudes are large and numerous. I go down . . . eventually.
NORMAL: Yes, you kids could learn something from that man's example.
SKETCHY (coughs): Bite me.
MAX: Bless ya.
(The guard doesn't take the bait)
MAX: Great, how'd I get the smart one?
MYSTERY MAN: Max . . . is that short for Maximum?
MAX: Maximum?
MYSTERY MAN: As in maximum force? Ooh! Maximum girl? Woman. I meant maximum woman.
MYSTERY MAN: Aw . . . damn, got a screw loose.
MAX: No argument there.
MYSTERY MAN (to Logan): So, what's the chair do? I mean . . . (imitates shooting) Or are your powers mostly mental?
LOGAN: Mostly mental, yeah.
MYSTERY MAN: You're the brains. She's the brawn. What happened? You get bit by a spider? Struck by lightning?
(Mystery man unzips his pants, turns around and opens his long coat)
MAX: Wow.
LOGAN: I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking at here.
MYSTERY MAN: Not to be an alarmist here, but can we be certain that these drones aren't being deployed from some other dimension?
LOGAN: I don't think we're dealing with anything quite so esoteric.
JONAS: Logan . . . you're up early. I thought you Bohemian types only ventured out when the sun had set.
JONAS (Laughing): Junior, you watched too many X-Files when you were a boy.
MAX: You know, only a bored, rich, liberal, white guy would piss away a fortune to prove he wasn't a bored, rich, liberal, white guy.
TINGA: If you're talking about Zack . . . forget it. I left his ass in snowy Canada.
MADAME X: Mix of X5 and human DNA has almost exclusively resulted in offspring of spectacular mediocrity.
MADAME X: "Hello, Mr. Smith, your wife's a genetically engineered soldier escaped from a secret government lab and you're in terrible danger."
MAX: We got guys stationed at the east and west exits, the lobby and the roof. From 0900 to 1700, two more posing as repairmen in the apartment across the street.
TINGA: What, the old plumber gag? I thought that went out with J. Edgar Hoover.
MAX: Man loves the classics.
ZACK: Is this an invite only, or can anyone crash?
ZACK: If she's smart, she'll tell him to take the kid and go. Otherwise, they're going to wind up sharing a suite back at Manticore.
MAX: You're a real family values guys, aren't you?
LYDECKER: This isn't as big a tragedy as you think it is.
MAX: Whatever you have to tell yourself.
SEBASTIAN: Could always ask your in-house cat burglar.
LOGAN: She's not in the loop on this little project and I want to keep it that way.
SEBASTIAN: No reason she needs to know what the chip's for.
LOGAN: Well, that's sneaky. I like it.
MAX: Are you sure about all this? Pierpont Lempkin and the Taliban after some star wars widget and a robotic arm somewhere? Next thing you're going to tell me aliens are involved.
LOGAN: I wouldn't rule it out.
MADAME X: I went to bat for you and I think that I managed to fend off a full procedural review, so say "thank you." (walks away.)
LYDECKER: Pissy little bitch.
ORIGINAL CINDY: You . . . drop and give me 20.
LOGAN (in Max’s head): Can you make out with me while we wait?
MAX: What?
LOGAN: Can you make out anything past the gate?
LOGAN: Did you get it?
MAX: No, I just won a wet t-shirt contest. Course I got it.
RAFER: Oh, uh, did, uh, someone order a large sausage?
MAX (yelling and running away): Normal . . . I need to take a personal day!
ORIGINAL CINDY (to Normal): Max needs a personal day.
NORMAL: Take a week.
ORIGINAL CINDY: Damn. I didn't know this condition of yours was that bad.
LYDECKER: You forgot who you work for! (The hoverdrone kills Sandoval) Consider yourself fired.
LOGAN: You have nothing to be sorry for . . . or ashamed of. Cause I know who you are.
MAX: Logan . . . you've got nothing to be sorry for or ashamed of. It's never been about you being able to walk, not for me.
LYDECKER: No maid service. No wake-up call. No mints on the pillow.
MOTEL CLERK: No worries. We pride ourselves as much on our discretion as we do on our lack of amenities.
LYDECKER (to Madame X): You got a real set of brass ones.
MAX: Is this some kind of new torture thing? Lock people up in a cheap motel and babble at them until they crack?
ZACK (to Lydecker): You so much as breathe wrong, there'll be four of us to take you out.
LOGAN: Make that five.
MAX: Got a bad feeling you were going to tell me . . . you were my . . .
LYDECKER: Father? I would never presume to pollute the gene pool.
MAX: I can't tell you what a relief that is for me. I mean what a cliché that'd be. Huh?
ORIGINAL CINDY: Damn, that's some sibling rivalry.
ZACK: Fight them, Maxie. Promise me you'll fight them. X5/599. I've got a heart for you.