Here I will try to put down my thoughts and feelings about being fat and on a weight loss diet for most of my adult life! Trying to change my attitude and call it a woe/wol and not a diet.
2/3/04 I have been sleeping good and am not having any problem staying on woe/wol. My constant hunger pains and munchies and restless ness is pretty well controlled. I finally got my Dr. Bernstein's book Diabetic Solution and it is excellent. If I had my way, it would be mandatory reading for all new diabetics... I have been writing my Insulin and Blood Sugars in my diabetic log now, I no longer need to write everything in this journal website to keep track of them. If I back slide I will restart again. I have also been doing excellent with my meals, tomarrow I finish induction and can start gradually uping my carbs like Dr. A says we can. At anytime I stop losing, I will go back to the last level I lost at. That is assuming I will loose, tomarrow is MWI and I have my fingers crossed. I also got my l-carnatine and CoenzymeQ10 a few days ago and have been taking them religiously. My only problems is keeping up with my water intake, although I am not far off and tomarrow I will start my exercise program again, riding my bike one mile per day and gradually increasing it until I am riding around 3 to 10 miles a day. I will need to go very slowly so I don't trigger another fibromyalgia attack.
I now have 12 members in my TonsofFun group. I am really excited and hope to build it up to a great support system for all of us. I have been adding things regularly and we will have our first chat tomarrow night.
My Friend Eldean is in Critical Care Unit at St. Petersburg, my prayers have been going to her for a speedy recovery. I painted my first project for my Donna Dewberry One Stoke System on a gift bag and she was the very first recipient to get one of my prize paintings.
Bill and I went to see Avery and Jim today and than went to see a beautiful sunset today with Liz. It was a nice spot that has very little traffic, we may go there more often. Avery will be at Jim's next weekend too and then he will be moving to New York with his mother and sister, his maternal grandmother is moving there and Michelle is moving there too, to be near her and her elderly grandparents. Jim is heart broken, but believes that it is a wonderful place to raise children. He hopes to be able to go and get him when he goes to Ohio to visit and have him come down for summers and other vacations. His ultimate hope is to have him decide to live with him when he gets old enough to make his own decisions.
1/28/02 Well I slept again, not as good as last night, but it was sleep, woke up feeling pretty good, pain less, stiffness less, so maybe flare is starting to wane. Took my morning spa and was ready to meet the day. (NOTE: My spa helps my pain more than anything, Bill can tell how bad a day I am having by how many spas I take!) Worked in garden, watering and a few odds and ends, as long as I paced my self and went real slow, not bad. Around 1pm started to noticed my energy leaving and brain fog returning. I tested my blood sugar and it was only 70. So I need to make sure that I eat at least every 3 and 1/2 to 4 hours to avoid low blood sugars. One of my keys to remember, small frequent meals.
Entered a lot of my usual food in FitDay in the customization section, what an eye opener. Many of my usual foods have many more carbs that I realized (Denial??) I need to find a good recipe for a salad dressing I like (French Dressing, So I will check Dr A's new book) Practiced my painting and I am please with my rose bud, will be glad to learn more stokes. Tomarrow I go with Terry and Mary for our painting lesson, will stop at Pharmore afterwards to see the price of L~Carnatine... I think their prices are probably the best in town. Cleaned some more and still getting all of my medications together so I can check and catalog what I have, it is time to throw a lot out. (In fact way past time, they probably no longer work!) I still need to keep lists everywhere to help me remember things and stay focused. I have a list by my medicines to write down when I take them, A list by my insulin to write down my log and food requirements, list by my computer to remind me of my routine tasks... Will be so glad when this confusion and memory improves... Hopefully SOON.
1/27/02 SLEPT!!!! WOW WHAT A Difference, I finally crashed watching TV, slept for several hours, got up and went to bed, and went back to sleep with minimal probs, up to Pee only once and didn't get up until 10:30. Feeling a little better, will just hang cool today. Going to have a cook-out with Jim, Avery, Jim's girl and miraculously Bill is going along. Will write more later. Feeling a littler calmer and mind not racing as much so hopefully the acute manic attack is over... Checked still in Ketosis and weight* 270, knew that was a fluke, tomarrow I go to Publix for an actual reading, then will decide if I am going to weigh daily or just weekly. Bill thinks I should weigh every day, that I just should plot the trends.
11p Stopped at Publix to get some stuff for the cook-out and weighed and I am down to 267.5. <smile> Had a wonderful time at the cook out but still very tired, had to go and take a nap, still feel dizzy and brain fog, hope this goes away soon, afraid to drive like this. (was there from 3pm to 6:30pm) Took some pictures of Jim and Avery, he wants to capture this moment in time, esp since Avery will be leaving soon and who knows when we will get to see him again. Diana and her grandson, Morgan were there, Avery really liked having a playmate. See Pics of Jim and Avery on the Picture Page. Watched TV a little but going to bed now and pray that I will sleep again tonight.
1/26/02 - Again very little sleep - I had a terrible dream when I took one of my short bursts of sleep, dreamed I collapsed because I have been so exhausted and fainted and when I woke up Bill was dialing 911 - I know it is because I have been feeling so exhausted and frightened. After reading my Energy book last night, I hunted all over the house for co10enzyme and found it in some of my other pills called alert and started taking them... I could not find any of the carnitine, started taking my body balance and other meds... will write down the others... I am in panic. worked in the garden a bit and then came to work on my groups, this site and just a mishmash of stuff, my mind is racing, brain fog, can't concentrate, just being miserable, pain, stiffness, sweating like a pig, fibro flare and manic flare... 3p symptoms really bad, ate a little, cheese and pepperoni and became more calm, my blood sugar must have been low too, with my brain fog, I could not figure that out... See MEAL Log.. Bill very worried, blaming all my jet lagging to Ohio and California, know that the firing of my boss and Avery going to leave really affected me, this has been working up over a period of time... Must interrupt.
10pm felt a little calmer after the 3pm attack, watch tv, took a small nap and just tried to do small things to keep moving a little... This Morning when Bill weighed me with the 2 scale, I was down to 265, not getting excited, because I think it was a fluke, if brain fog hadn't been so bad, would have run down to Publix to weigh... I am feeling a little calmer now, worked on my afghan for Roxie, almost have the first pillow cover crochet, will have to go get the things to finish it, want to go to Wal*Mart to buy the carnitine but have to finish looking to make sure I don't have any, too tired to look now, did get one cupboard cleaned out... Hate these racing thoughts.
1/25/02 Again very little sleep! Today was very frustrating. First I went to Preston's with Terry, we accomplished a lot in two hours, but I was too fatigued to do anymore so we quit. He was very understanding, she was tired too. I went to a Book Store afterwards to get Dr. A's book and Dr. B's book, I have been saving my pennies for them. Well it is not a good idea to go to a book store, when you are so fatigued you can't hardly more, have an full bladder, unbearable pain and dizzy. The people at the front desk very very helpful, they looked up in the computer where the books I wanted were located and pointed me in the right direction. When I got there, I was just overwhelmed. So many choices, so many shelves, so much confusion to me with my brain fog... And of course the book I wanted was on the bottom shelf, so I just sit down on the floor and looked around and cried. I was too tired to get back up so I just read a lot, there were books there on fibromyalgia, sleep disorders, Chronic Fatigue Syndrone, everything but the book I wanted, Dr. B's book on Diabetes. After a while I gave up, got Dr. A's newest edition of DANDR and went to checked out. I might add when I first went in the store, the first book I saw was called From Tired to Terrific in 10 days using Natural Energy by Coleman. This has happened to me many times, in the past, I just open my self up to what I need and God provides it to me. It is remarkable what happens when we listen. I went home and chilled the rest of the day. I am very concerned that I not only has my fibromyalgia flared up, but my BiPolar is flared up too. I am wondering if the Ketosis has anything to do it, or induction. The good news is I am in Ketosis and my cravings and withdrawal symptoms are much less.
1/24/02 Again no sleep last night... went to bed around 6:30 or &am.. and slept until 10:30... Wrote to Stacie Schaieble from channel 8 about the insurance not covering Charlayne's expenses for her diabetes because *It is a life style* decision, this really ticks me off. I also wrote to Steve Jerve and asked him if I could come and watch them do the weather. Got my IDR check today, early again this month, thank goodness we were out of everything. I went to sav-a-lot and spent $82.00 Yikes, but the good news is I stopped at Publix and weighed and I lost another 1/2 pound, Hey it might not be such a much, but I will take it. I am finally starting to loose some of the withdrawal headache and stomach ache. I am still nauseated a lot, bought some antiacid to see if it will help, but the thought of taking it makes me sick to my stomach. Ha Ha... Also still very stiff and sore from Arthur and Fibro, took two pain pills and they make me so nauseated too. Yikes... I read some of the articles on the Fibro site and a lot of doctors still think it is a psychiatric diagnosis, boy oh boy, wish they could spend one week in my body, boy would they change there minds!
So far my insulin requirements are staying constant... making me think the insulin reaction was just from going too long without food, will continue to check frequently to see if I can reduce doseage...
1/23/02 Boy oh boy was I tired, stiff and a lot of pain today because I had very little sleep, I don't know if it is my fibro acting up or my excitement with the new groups and trying to do so good on the woe/wol... I had a bad insulin reaction because of it. I finally ate at 6:00am and took my insulin, slept until 11am and then didn't eat right away and at 11:30 I had a bad reaction, (guess I should call it hypoglycemia, cause it dates me when I say an insulin reaction, well if I hadn't taken the insulin, the blood sugar wouldn't be so low... duh ) any how I was afraid to take much again and my evening one was 182... go figure. Taked to Hopeful again for about 2 - 2/12 hours... we started another group. hahaha or rather I joined one of her old ones. Lifetime I also joined a fibromyalgia one that has lots of information on it. Fibromyalgia. I know mine would be much better if I could afford the medication to controll it, but since I can't I take a lot of spas... they help a lot. Also I think I have an ulcer, besides the usual pain I have from my VGB, a lot of times after I eat, I get pains in the epigastric region and constant nausea, I can hardly take my pain pills (Vikodin) because of the nausea... I am also concerned the constant overloading of my little stomach and vomiting is giving me esophgeal reflux disease. Boy oh boy when I win the lottery one of the first things I do is have my VGB reversed. If you are considering having it, think long and hard... I am miserable after every meal and can not eat with out being in pain and miserable and ending up vomiting... My stoma gets blocked so easily. Anyhow I am pleased with my progress, need to increase my water intake. Still getting the headaches and stomach aches from the carb withdrawal.. should be better tomarrow and I will also check to see if I am in Ketosis tomarrow.
1/22/02 I could not sleep last night so was working on my web page when Trina came on line, we chatted for hours... We started groups on Yahoo and it was so much fun, she started winnersinthemaking and I started TonsofFun. I have been working on mine all day. I finally went to bed around 6:30 and slept until 11am and went out side to work and look around and forgot to eat, therefore I had a very bad insulin reaction, this really screwed up my carb count for today. UGH Rode my bike once and hope to ride it again, need to work on my water intake. We practiced weighing with 2 scales and with a little practice it will work, saving me a trip to Publix and I can weigh more often! :>)
1/21/02 I went to my first one stroke painting class with Mary and Terry. (Cost $15.00 for the kit and $5.00 for the class. I do not have too much talent in this department, I need to develope it and practice practice. I then went and got my Depo Medrol shot at Dr. Powell's and weighed. I weighed 269 both at Dr. Powell's and Publix so I lost 4 pounds since last month. Yea... I can do it. Just takes lots of hard work. Got a letter from Trina and we are going to have our Atkids gathering on Feb 16th at St. Petersburg. She has a new member for our little group. A lady called Quigley from the Atkins board. I signed up to go to Port Caveral for gambling on the 7th of Feb. That will cost $31.00 and is an all day trip. Layed down after supper and slept until 10:30pm, too late to do exercise! Did better on diet. was 35 Carbs, wanted to keep to 20 Gm
1/20/02. I again restart my weight loss journey. Audrey has agreed to be my support buddy and we are going to coach each other to stay on course and to reach our goal. I don't know if she is as desperate as I am, but I know that we need each others support.
Today I have continued to try and increase my exercise tolerance and gain more strength. I was unable to sleep very well last night so I watched TV almost all night again, going to bed at 4:30 to 5:00am. This I am trying to get away from so that I can spend more time in the sun and moving. I finally got up at 12noon and so far have not taken a nap. This is good for me, but I often crash the next day. My usual getting up time is around 10am and going to bed is around 2am, and I take two naps a day. I am trying to decrease the time that I sleep to one hour naps rather than 2 hours naps. I think this will help me to gain back my strength, but I walk a fine line between being fatigued and exhausted.
I worked in my garden a little, did some more cleaning, took down the Christmas Tree and Christmas decorations. I answered some emails and sent a letter to Chrissie and Alan asking them to send me some information so I can start the mailing list in Access.
I received a nice letter from Trina, unfortunately her Mom is not much better, (she had a stroke a couple of weeks ago and her left side is paralyzed.)
I started to work on the granny square pillow for my sister Roxie, I had hoped to have it one for her birthday tomarrow. (the 22nd)... I have most of the granny squares done for her afghan, but have not put it together yet. As usual I procrastinate. She just got a computer so I am going to send her a birthday card via email.
I started this web page as a tool to help me loose weight. I hope that I keep it up, my usual modus of operandum is to start gung ho and than loose interest in a couple of weeks, well my health depends on my loosing weight so I will try and keep this journal up. I have noticed in the past when I am good with my record keeping, I do much better with my weight loss.