Suspension of Disbelief


Gandalf clears the puck.

May 9, 2004

MORIA, Middle Earth— Considering both of their defence...beings were suspended, the Dom-Land Caribou played remarkably well against the Moria Orcs, winning 0-1. The Orcs were similarly depleted as some of their team members had died from the cave blight. The rest of the team has recovered and HAZMAT has eliminated the source of the cave blight.

Despite vehement protests and one threat of sporking, Legolas and Gimli were each suspended one game by the league for a "flagrant and ulitimately lethal" third-and-fourth-man-in penalty* for attacking Lurtz during last week's match.

"It was justified!" said Gimli brandishing a spork with one hand and a hockey stick in the other. The room cleared quickly, and MEHA officials requested the dwarf leave his equipment with the secretary at the front desk. The request had to be repeated several times since it was made from behind the hastily closed door.

"We knew there might be suspensions," said Aragorn, "but we hoped it would be on the other team."

"YEAH!" said all the hobbits at once. The league has formally reprimanded Frodo for his language at the press conference. Pippin, quite recovered from last week's trauma, is the newest and most enthusiastic member of the "Hobbit Vendetta." Surfer Kitty is now a permanent resident in Pippin's locker at home and in his equipment bag on the road.

Gandalf somehow escaped suspension, although he too was involved in the scuffle.

"I made them an offer they couldn't refuse," said the wizard.

"I don't even want to know," said Legolas.

"Get that autograph hand rested up, Blondie," replied Gandalf airily.

Legolas and Gimli were forced, literally, into the press box to watch the game. They were then forced out of the press box because they yelled too much. The elf and dwarf eventually made their way back to the locker room where they watched the game on the television.

Anyway, the end result was a team with empty spots at defence.

"Talk about weird line combinations," said Boromir, who got to practice skating backward again. "Aragorn and I ended up surrounded by hobbits every now and then."

But with Gandalf standing on his head in net, the players on the ice weren't afraid to take chances. The grey wizard pitched a shutout, making 38 saves.

"He was wicked awesome!" said Merry.

In fact, the Orcs couldn't get anything past Gandalf who made some spectacular glove saves. But with two players short, the Caribou couldn't take advantage of his stellar play.

Until the third period.

On the power play, Sam feathered a pass to Frodo who launched a slap shot from just inside the blue line. The Orc goalie made the intitial save, but Sam was quick to bang in the rebound.

Legolas and Gimli were thrilled.

"You could hear them yelling all the way in the locker room," said Frodo.

The Dom-Land Caribou continue the road trip next week with a double header against the Ithilien Rangers and the Ringwraiths.

*Just going to explain this penalty without putting it in HockeySpeak. To prevent...basically what happened in last week's game...it is a penalty for more than one guy to participate in a fight against another player.

What Player from the Dom-Land Caribou Are You?
quiz by Shmadyle

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Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings hockey. This is obviously a silly site with silly things on it. I am not affilliated with anyone connected in any way with Lord of the Rings or hockey. I don't know anyone or anything. Period. I am a small monkey handcuffed to a computer. I am not a Middle Earth pimp. I cannot get you "preciousss moments" with Orlando Bloom, Elijah Wood, Dominic Monaghan, Billy Boyd, Viggo Mortensen, Ian McKellan, Sean Bean, John Rhys-Davies, Figwit, Haldir, Liv Tyler, Steven Tyler, Bill the Pony or anyone else for that matter. And if I could get "precious moments" with any of them, do you think I'd share?

 

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