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about Narcissists

Denial Does Not Mean Denial, I
Denial is the inability of the conscious mind to accept a reality which is too painful. Psychological and legal implications.

Denial Does Not Mean Denial, II
A narcissistic husband is able to deceive his wife for years because her conscious mind refuses to acknowledge the reality of the painful abuse.

Charmer or Abuser
A narcissistic starts out by worshiping the ground you walk on until he turns into the controlling abuser, so before you get swept off your feet, listen to that still small voice.

Cyber-illusions
The lives of three people are devastated by the fantasy games of cyber-sex.

Abuse by Indulgence
To love too much is to abuse, and an abused child may grow up to be a narcissist.

The Pain of Loneliness
Rejected by his own mother, a child retreats into a lonely but safe world of his own creation in which he spends the rest of his life. Will he ever be able to break out of it to return the love of the woman whom he is rejecting?

More Stories of Deception

Helpful Reading/Listening

Narcissism
Denial of the True Self

Why Is It Always About You?
Saving Yourself from the Narcissists in Your Life

More Books on Narcissism

Seeking Narcissus

by Traute Klein, biogardener

The ancient legend of Narcissus is told to us by Ovid and is illustrated in Pompeian frescos. It was as sad 2000 years ago as are the lives of present day narcissists and of the women who love them.

Narcissism

Although narcissistic personality disorder has only been listed as a psychological condition for about 30 years, it has been known for thousands of years. Let's look at the history.

Pompeian Evidence

In 79 A.D. the Italian volcano Vesuvius erupted and buried several well-populated settlements, including the city of Pompeii. Buildings and people were encased in lava, preserving cultural treasures until their excavation which started in 1594.

Some of the frescos show the young man Narcissus. We recognize him from the stories told to us by Ovid, 43 B.C. to 18 A.D., the Roman writer who collected myths and legends of old times in which a transformation took place. He clothed them in poetic form in his "Metamorphoses," because the Latin word "metamorphosis," of Greek origin, represents a tranformation to a different state of being and function.

In the first fresco, Narcissus is the lad staring at his reflection in the water, oblivious to anyone around him. An adoring Echo looks on and a mischievous Eros plays with his arrows.

In the second fresco, Narcissus is alone with his reflection in the water.

Ovid's Story of Narcissus and Echo

The story is of Greek origin, but it is best known to us through Ovid's rendition in his "Metamorphoses." I shall summarise the story here in my own words with a little of my own interpretation thrown in: Echo was a beautiful young nymph whose chattering annoyed Juno (Hera in Greek), wife of Jupiter (Zeus in Greek). As punishment, Echo was never again allowed to speak of her own volition but was condemned to repeat the last word of the person speaking to her.

Narcissus was recognized as exceedingly handsome since birth and everyone who knew him adored him. He enjoyed hunting and came in contact with many nymphs in the forest. They all fell in love with him, but he did not consider any of them worthy of his love. When Echo tried to win his affection, he cruelly ridiculed her attempts. The pain of rejection eventually drove her to retreat into the mountain caves where her form wasted away until nothing was left of her except her voice which we hear to this day, but even after death, she continued to love Narcissus.

One of the nymphs prayed that Narcissus would get a taste of his own medicine and her prayers were answered. One day, heated and tired after a hunt, he came upon a clear pool of water. When he bent down for a drink, he fell in love with the beauty of his own reflection, thinking that it was some water spirit looking at him adoringly.

Whenever he tried to kiss the water spirit, his contact with the surface shattered the image, and his love therefore remained unrequited. He experienced the same pain which he had inflicted on Echo and all the other nymphs. He was not repentant, though, but argued with the water spirit that he was worthy of being loved. After all, he had always been loved by everyone else all his life! The fact that he had never returned that love seemed to escape him.

The same fate which had befallen Echo now became his. As he pined away in anguish, Echo was by his side, repeating his moanings. When he died and his shadow passed the Stygian river, it leaned over the side of the boat to catch one last glance of its own reflection.

The nymphs, still sorrowing over the object of their affection were going to burn his body, but it was nowhere to be found. In the place where the young man had died, the most beautiful flower had sprung up from the ground, and that flower became known by the name of Narcissus, the young man who was able to love no one, not even himself. He was condemned to pine for a reflection of reality.

Narcissism

Although only labelled as a personality disorder in the last quarter of the 20th century, narcissistic personality disorder was known to the Greeks and Romans more than 2000 years ago as is illustrated by the Pompeian frescos and Ovid's poetic telling of the story of Echo and Narcissus. I am amazed that the character description of the young Narcissus has not changed in those 2000 years, and neither has the reaction of the women who love him. They still pine for him even though they know that he will never return their love.