A pleasant tone of voice and a melodious voice is far more pleasing to the ear than a harsh voice, or the words of one who speaks in a monotone. Speak clearly and plainly, and employ only as much vocabulary as you have mastered. Loud talking and laughing are the marks of the uneducated and socially deficient. Those who speak rather loudly tend to be regarded as ignorant or hard of hearing. A loud tone of voice in conversation is to be avoided, as well as the "horse laugh". Both are considered vulgar in the extreme. As one mid-Victorian wrote of loud talk and horse laughs, "...if practiced, strangers may think that you are a retired politician, who had acquired the practice in bar-room harangues".

At the same time, speaking in a whisper, particularly for the purpose of excluding others from a conversation or a confidential aside, is exceptionally rude. If there are matters which must be communicated privately, there is almost always a better time and place to do so than while in the company of more than just the two who are communicating privately.

Manners in conversation that we appreciate in others today are not vastly different from the fundamental conversational manners of the antebellum and War periods. Saying "please" without fail is a common courtesy, even when dealing with those employed by us or those who are socially inferior to us. Please - always say "please" when you make a request, no matter how trivial or important the request. By the same token, say "Thank you" without fail.

Should your request be granted - whether the nature of the request is as a personal favor or an impersonal transaction - always look the other person in the eye, offering them a pleasing smile, and sincerely tell them "Thank you". If the depth of your thanks is greater than simple common courtesy, there is no harm in dressing up your expression of gratitude with "Thank you so much". or "Thank you kindly"; or even "I appreciate it". Even should your request be denied, proper form requires that you respond graciously with "Thank you anyway". When the request is rudely or harshly denied, that is precisely the moment in which you should employ your best "turn-the-other-cheek" manner.

Gentlemen and boys a ought always to remember to refer to those of the female gender as "ladies". In the South, the descriptive "woman" is commonly reserved for females of questionable respect; and without incontrovertible evidence to the contrary, no gentleman or boy should assume that anyone of the female gender is less than a lady. A true gentleman will treat all ladies with courtliness, deference, and the same respect that you would accord members of the royal family. After all, in the South, ladies occupy such status. However, a true gentleman does not treat a lady as such because she is a lady; rather, he treats all those of the feminine gender as ladies because he is a gentleman.

Use the terms "ma’am" and "sir" unfailingly. When any adult your senior addresses you, or you have need to address them, it should be reflexive to attach the correct title to your words (ex.: "Yes, ma’am"; "I guess that’s right, Sir"; "Excuse me, ma’am"; "No thank you, Sir"; and so forth). At best, neglect of this courtesy will reflect a poor up-bringing of you by your parents. At worst, you will be thought insolent, arrogant, or superior-feeling ("uppity").

When a person of notable title enters into a group or a room, it is appropriate to make mention of that title - once. For instance, when a Colonel or a Mayor, or even a Senator or Governor enters into a group, by all means, introduce them as ""Mayor So-and-so", or "Colonel Whatever-his-name-is". To continue to refer to their title gives one the appearance of trying to curry favor with that person.

There are those with whom we are exceedingly familiar. It is still appropriate to call them by their proper name when in a public gathering. An engaged or married man should always call his fiancée’s or wife’s mother, or his own mother, "Mama" or "Mother" or "Mrs. ____". No matter what the gentleman’s age may be, it is never appropriate for him to call his mother, prospective mother-in-law, or mother-in-law by her first name.

It is considered impolite for a lady to address another lady or a gentleman by first name when in public.

Topics of conversation that were met with wide approbation by the etiquette experts of the day included the weather, travel, books, dances and balls, bonnets, and metaphysics. All of those topics were deemed appropriate for personal and general improvement, and were, by and large, not apt to result in disputes or arguments.

Many men lose sight of the fact that the object of conversation is to entertain and amuse, and that for society to be agreeable, it should not be made an arena for dispute. The art of conversation lies in making others feel that they are the center of your attention, a position most find highly flattering. Initiating conversation with others relies on four basic concepts which, if followed strictly, cannot but render a good result. Namely, to Compliment Others; Ask After Others; Tend To Positive Words And Comments; and Smile.

Compliment others. That is not to say that you should flatter them, for flattery is false and insincere. Rather than develop a seeming compliment from whole cloth, examine a feature or quality about another upon which you may base a compliment. If apparel or natural graces defeat all attempts to find a basis for compliment, search for something in the other person’s demeanor. Rather than remarking that "You don’t sweat much for a chubby girl," say instead something more along the lines of "I admire your natural radiance and glow." It may be the same sheen of sweat being discussed, but your words cast it in a different light.

Ask after others, particularly the one with whom you are conversing, but never in the form of a question. Everyone finds their own life at least somewhat interesting. Certainly matters which interest them are matters they assume would be of interest to others. More than that, those of whom questions are asked may infer from the questions that you find them interesting. It was not Adam and Eve who sought after God after the Fall, but it was God who sought Adam and Eve as the sign of His prevenient grace; and does Scripture not then tell us "We love Him because He first loved us"? It is fitting and natural to like those who appear to like us, and their affection for us is expressed by their interest in us. Ask questions, but never directly, as more direct questions were considered blunt and crude. Rather than saying, "How are your parents?" (assuming that you were acquainted with the other person’s parents, of course), the acceptable form would have been to say, "I trust that your parents are well". The comment was more specific than the question, and allowed the other person to answer it as fully or as briefly as was appropriate. A lady, of course, was not ever to be asked any question, but led through the conversation artfully, just as she was to be led through a dance.

Tend to positive words and comments, all of which are so much more delightful to hear and so much more uplifting than pettiness, criticisms of others, and sarcasms. Refrain from discussing truths which, true though they may be, may also be hurtful to another. You need not tell all the truth in a conversation, but let all you tell be the truth.

Smile. A pleasant smile is pleasing to behold. While many other facial expressions may well be misinterpreted, a pleasant smile offered while listening to another rarely is misunderstood. This is not only true in conversation, but when conducting a lady about the dance floor.

Personal or private matters should never be discussed on the street or in public gatherings, and certainly should never be discussed between members of the opposing sexes. By the same token, speaking in whispers or hushed tones in public places is extremely rude, as it smacks of exclusivity and meanness.

Being disagreeable does not qualify as "amusing others" except in the most base sense. Controversy and confrontation should be avoided in conversation, and one who assumes a disagreeable manner of speaking or tone of voice should not be met with the same stock-in-trade. "A gentle answer turneth away wrath". When harsh words or an offensive manner are presented to you, they most likely are intended to be provocative. By refusing to engage in the same style of conversation, you will almost always blunt the force of the other, and may even help restore them to a civil manner. Folks of good breeding or good manners are expected to yield a point rather than to argue it, so long as it is purely a matter of conversation.

Not every spoken wrong or inaccuracy requires that you address it and set it right. While doing so may make you perfectly right or appear to be perfectly knowledgeable on a subject, it also reveals you to be perfectly petty and boorish. There are some fights that do not merit our engaging in them, much less winning them. This, of course, does not apply to the impugning of our reputations, or the reputations of friends unable to defend themselves.

Always refrain from explaining any expression or word you may use unless asked to do so.

Men and women are advised not to praise themselves, their kin, their possessions (land, furniture, houses, and animals), or anything so closely personal as to prevent the listener from participating - other than to listen. As politeness will prevent the listener from offering any manner of contrary conversation or dissent, such topics are regarded as peccable at best. The failures of other people are likewise to be avoided as conversation pieces, and one is considered rude in the extreme if he or she ridicules another.

As in our day, etiquette manuals of the period offered many of the same sorts of common-sense guidelines that are observed today among those of good manners and breeding. A gentleman is to refrain from showing off his education or trotting out his accomplishments when among the less educated or less accomplished who could neither understand nor appreciate those things. Folks are advised to keep their conversations at the level of the least common denominator in the group so as to neither confuse nor lose others, and thereby exclude them from, or embarrass them in, the conversation. The use of slang words and phrases is considered rude and inappropriate among ladies and gentlemen, considered more fitting to be spoken in the streets and the fields by those whose education lacked an introduction to etiquette. Unsolicited advice is not to be offered, and flattery is to be avoided as it makes the flatterer identifiable with the flattery - empty and false.

Unless a gathering is political or religious in nature, it is considered impolite to introduce the topics of religion or politics.

Avoid the use of slang terms and phrases in polite company. Those terms belong to bar-rooms and other low places. In the same vein, by all means should you avoid the vulgar habit of joking at the expense of women.

Always ask - never tell. There is only one proper way to make a request, and that is in the form of a question, not a directive. "Would you please help me with this package?" is almost certain to be well received and render a favorable response. "Pick up that end of this package and carry it for me" has a demanding, surly sound, and is much less apt to be heard agreeably and result in giving you the aid you request.