Civilian Etiquette:
Mourning

The Victorian Era was a time of romance, sentiment and mystery. One tradition still holds a fascination for many of us: Victorian mourning and the items that served as reminders of their mourning such as jewelry, clothing and various other mementos, including photographs.

Mourning called for a separate subgroup of rules of etiquette. Visits of condolence were expected to be made within a week for those who were unable to attend the wake or the funeral of the departed. Interestingly, there are sources that indicate that a widow or the nonage children of a man or woman were not necessarily expected to attend the funeral because their grief would be assumed to be too great to bear being in the presence of the departed. That may also have given the widow or the surviving children opportunity to procure the appropriate clothing for mourning.

While the fact of grief knew no classes, some have suggested that the chief difference between the mourning process of the lower class (including the lower-middle class) and the middle and upper classes was through the devices of mourning, which comprehended clothing. It was expected that poor women would wear black (even if it meant dying the one or two good dresses that a lady may have owned), and even near relatives of all classes wore at least some mark of mourning.

Clothing was relatively costly then, and the poor tended to be poor indeed. In that time, though, there was a large market for second-hand clothing through shops, benevolent societies, street-markets, and private sales. It’s true that the poor may have been employed to sew for others; but it was unlikely that they could often afford to sew for themselves. The poor who mourned seemed to have clothing made for someone else, and - if they were fortunate - they were able to refit their second-hand or third-hand clothing to fit them.

For those in mourning, there were many ways to demonstrate their loss and their desire to remember the one who had died besides through their clothing.

Mourning jewelry was generally made of materials such as jet; gutta-percha; gold; pinchbeck; and human hair. Mourning jewelry became fashionable in the 1800's. The passing of Queen Victoria's beloved Albert in 1861 began a forty-year period of mourning for Queen Victoria and an increased popularity of mourning jewelry throughout Great Britain. While some observed a period of mourning that had an end, many continued to wear mourning jewelry the rest of their lives as a demonstration of the depth of their grief and the lasting profundity of their loss.

Hair was incorporated into jewelry in the early 1800's. This form of jewelry was often given as a token of love, but was also worn as mourning jewelry. Victorian hair jewelry ranged from lockets which held a lock of a loved one's hair to jewelry delicately woven and braided into remarkably beautiful works of art.

The wearing of black mourning jewelry became popular in the United States during the Civil War. People commemorated the deaths of their loved ones by wearing black jewelry. With so many loved ones off to war, it was not uncommon for a departing soldier to leave a lock of hair with a loved one to keep near in his absence. This lock of hair was usually worn in a gold or silver locket and oftentimes transferred to a black locket upon the soldier's death.

Mourning clothing was a very important part of Victorian life. Proper etiquette had its place even during this time of sorrow. The "proper" mourning period for a woman mourning the death of her spouse was two-and-one-half years. This mourning period was divided into two stages: "deep mourning" (the first 18 months) and "half-mourning" (the subsequent 12 months). Throughout the entire mourning period, black was the only color worn.

During "deep mourning", clothing was very simple - no beading or trims. Heavy black veils were worn. After a "decent interval" passed - the 18 months of deep mourning - ladies could begin wearing black trims - velvet bands, jet, and beads. It was also acceptable during this time period to wear white collars and cuffs.

In addition to jewelry, other items were kept as remembrances of the departed. These included hair art, daguerreotypes, and other items having sentimental value to the family, including artwork.

Hair art developed into many forms. Simply put, it was hair cut from a loved one, or gleaned from their hair brush, formed into jewelry or a framed piece. Elaborate braidings and knots were employed, and there were also hair braiding devices created to aid in working the hair efficiently. In fact, the jewelry industry developed special fittings and attachments to be used with hair, enabling the creative and skilled to use hair to make watch chains, rings, brooches, necklaces, and bracelets of various descriptions. Hair objects made from the hair of a departed loved one were popular mourning items.

The advances in photography resulted the cultivation of new mourning devices or instruments. The daguerreotype democratized portraiture, a medium once the sole province of the wealthy. While we may think in terms of a photograph of a dead loved one being an appropriate memento, not everyone in that age either could afford or availed themselves of the opportunity to have a daguerreotype made of a loved one while they lived. That gave rise to a new branch of the photographic industry: post-mortem daguerreotypes. From the extant evidence, it would seem that post-mortem daguerreotypes were more often of children than adults, most likely because no previous picture of the child had been made. Post-mortem daguerreotypes then became a part of the mourning and memorialization process, a tangible representation of the one lost to the family. Just as with the other mourning objects, it was another way to keep alive the memory of that one.

In post-mortem daguerreotypes, the dead were often posed as if they were only sleeping. In the case of very small infants, that sometimes meant the dead child being held in the arms of the mother. Since the facial expressions of that time were almost always grim so as to make sure that the daguerreotype would be clear, a child cradled in the arms of a parent cannot be assumed dead and the daguerreotype post-mortem. At times, it is now difficult and even impossible to tell if a small child in a daguerreotype was dead or only sleeping if we do not know the story behind the daguerreotype. There are many daguerreotypes of small children in coffins, though, which relieves us of having to guess whether the child is asleep or dead.