Most folks in the antebellum and War periods seem to still have been referring to the three common meals of the day as: breakfast for the morning meal; dinner for the mid-day meal; and supper for the evening meal. This custom seems to have largely died out, although it still is used in the last part of the twentieth century in many rural areas in the South.

Supper parties were an important social activity to Victorians. At the evening meal, a family could share daily routines and experiences, family legends could be passed on, and moral lessons shared. At supper, father led the family and carved the entree while mother held court and directed the serving of side dishes and beverages. Dinner would generally be served between noon and 2:00 PM, and supper would be served anywhere between 3:00 PM and 7:00 PM (unless theirs was a farming family, in which case it might be even later, depending on the time of year).

Supper would often be followed in the evening by a family time in the parlor, and then private time in each person's room, the library, parlor or nursery when folks had the luxury of having so many rooms in their homes. Evenings were commonly used for letter-writing, music, handwork, conversation, reading, and parlor games.

Etiquette was different around the family table from what it was in a formal setting. While the fundamental manners such as asking for food to be passed rather than exercising the "boarding-house reach"; chewing with one’s mouth closed; not speaking while food was in one’s mouth; and using a napkin rather than the britches or skirt to clean of the fingers or mouth when necessary were to be observed regardless of the setting, The primary differences came in where eating utensils were multiplied; where seating was an issue; and even the quality of the utensils, serving pieces, and food would be different.

Formal meals or suppers or dinner parties were associated with "company". As such, they had an etiquette all their own. A formal meal or dinner party was an opportunity to introduce friends and associates to their sanctuary from the world - their home. It was also an opportunity to show off the best of a home’s linens, plates, flatware, mannerliness and hospitality, as well as the house-cleaning skills of the residents of that home. A lady’s best dishes and glasses would be used, and a formal menu would be planned that would commonly include at least four courses. All would be on display for that brief time, including the host and hostesses’ taste in decorating, furnishing their home, and social skills. For some, it was an opportunity to elevate themselves socially by impressing their friends or associates with their good taste and generous larder.

The four courses that were so much a part of a formal meal were soup, fish, an entree, and dessert. While the second course and the entree course would often include wine (except in the case of those working their way up the Temperance Society ladder, of course), dessert would be followed with coffee, and perhaps fruit to help cleanse the palate. The soup or appetizer course would include water, although a rich cream soup or cream sauce for that course might be complemented by serving sherbet or flavored ices after the soup or appetizer to help cleanse the palate. The mid-Victorians were quite sensual people.

When the guests, host, and hostess came into the dining area, ladies were to remove their gloves when they were seated. Gentlemen were to remove their gloves just before seating themselves.

The household’s mistress would sit at the head of the table, while the master would be seated at the foot of the table. Guests would be seated, and thereby mixed, according to personality so as to keep the conversation flowing and lively. Married couples would almost never be seated next to each other. A dinner party was a social occasion, not so much a family affair.

The table would include soup bowls, bread plates, dinner plates, glasses for water and wine, silverware (often a multitude of specialized utensils beyond the simple fork-knife-spoon), knife rests, salt cellars, and napkins; a fish course would add a fish fork and fish plate to each place setting. After those dishes had been cleared from the table in preparation for dessert, dessert would require dessert plates, forks or spoons, finger glasses, and perhaps fruit plates and fruit knives as well.  In the mid-Victorian age, most manuals advised that one never eat a fruit (other than a banana) in the hand; instead, when at table they were to place it on a plate, cut it with a knife, and eat it with a fork.

Finger glasses - not finger "bowls" - were an elegant accessory to a meal that normally appeared with the dessert course.  The proper manner in which to make use of one is to dip your finger tips into the warm water of the finger glass, wet your napkin with your now-wet fingers, and use the damp portion of the napkin to touch to your face and mouth.  It was a genteel complement to the meal's functional pieces.  During this ablution, men were advised to pay particular attention to "facial hair residue", or the crumbs and other food particles that tend to gather and linger in mustaches, goatees, and beards.  People should be reminded that the finger glass should not be considered an opportunity for public bathing, nor were they intended to provide a mouth wash - and ladies and gentlemen should never, ever rinse their mouths out and expectorate into the finger glasses or water glasses.

While at table, ladies and gentlemen conversant with the manuals of the day would have been mindful to always take what was offered them, even if you they did not want it.  That included wine or other adult beverages.  If offered a food that was not to their liking, they were expected to take a sampling.  For those who chose not to partake of alcoholic beverages, good manners would require that they receive the glass offered with thanks, and merely - but at least - touch the glass to their lips.   Among some, however, that act of social propriety with wine or other adult beverages might be negated and refused as a result of threats issued most often from the fairer sex among the Temperance League sorts who adopted the slogan, "Lips that touch alcohol shall never touch mine".