The Book of McLeish

In the beginning was the UK Parliament. And the great God Labour Party created the Scottish Parliament. And it saw that it was good. And the morning and the evening were the first day.
And the Labour Party created the Scottish Labour Party after its kind, and every creeping Tory after its kind. And it was so, and the tories which creepeth upon the earth formed the Scottish Conservative Party. And the Labour Party saw that it was good (except for the creepy things). And the Labour Party created fish, and he called them the Scottish National Party. And the morning and the evening were the second day.
And the Labour Party said, "Let us make the First Minister after our likeness" and they called the Minister Donald Dewar. And the Labour Party saw that it was very good. And the morning and the evening were the third day.
And in accordance with parliamentary tradition the Labour Party took the rest of the week off.

And so was the Scottish Parliament created, and the Labour Party was pleased and accordingly put it in their campaigns as a success.
And the Labour Party created an angel to watch over the Scottish Parliament, and called him Steel. And they gave unto him the gavel of righteousness and the mace of power.
And also did the Labour Party create a demon to aggravate the Scottish Parliament, and called him John.
And then did the tories who creepeth appoint a king over them in the line of the Handbag, and they did call him Dodgy David, the evil baldie.
And the parliament did work two days a week, and keep the rest as sacred to the Labour Party.
And the First Minister did appoint a cabinet, and did all things according to the will of the Labour Party. And the Labour Party was pleased and did bless the parliament.
But the First Minister did die, and the people wore sackcloth and ashes and wailed. But, lo! a new First Minister was appointed, Holy Henry, and the people did worship him.
And the demon was transferred to Northern Ireland and was replaced by an horse named Helen.
And Holy Henry and Horsey Helen did call the demon a bastard, and did do so while in the hearing of the nation, and of the Labour Party, and they were ashamed. And Dodgy David did laugh.
Then did Holy Henry and Horsey Helen sin against the Labour Party, and it did say "you are an embarrasment to me, even more so than the scottish gnome".
And the people did turn from the Labour Party and did worship Holy Henry, and the angels did sing, and refrain from pointing at his strange hair.

Then did the people of Scotland live under the shadow of the benevolent Henry, and prospered. And though the tories who creepth did shout in the parliament, the people listened to them not, neither did they heed the fishy folk, for they were peculiar.
And the time came for a census of the nation to be held, and it was called a general election. And Dodgy David did posture, and try to turn the people from Holy Henry, and the fishy folk did try to seperate the land from the Union, and discredit the Labour Party.
But lo! the people loved their Henry, and did love the Blessed Tony in Westminster also, and continued to worship them, and so they were returned for another four years.
And the tories did weep, and gnash their teeth, and did make an offering of the Unknown Leader, that the people might turn to them. And the Bull was in teh ascendant, and the scary wigged one did shout. But Dodgy David did remain as king, and his people continued to worship him.

Yet the true people of Scotland were true to Holy Henry, and do worship him, and may his kingdom be without end.