m y . t h o u g h t s . o n . t h i n g s

written 2/3/04:
(Please pardon the somewhat political nature of this essay. I really don’t care at all about politics, I just feel that anything other than the all-encompassing acceptance of homosexuality is rarely presented in a non-ignorant, intelligent manner nowadays. And so I just felt the need to expound from a different angle…)

I have long since stopped holding the Christian community I was raised in as determining my stances on issues. However, even still, I never really felt as though I agreed with the ever-increasing popular acceptance of homosexuality. Only I couldn’t figure out exactly why it didn’t feel right to me, and to avoid looking ignorant, I rarely mentioned my opinion on the issue of homosexuality.

Recently, though, I’ve begun to put my thoughts into actual words and make sense of them. As with most of the things I talk about in these essays, I don’t think that homosexuality is talked about openly and honestly enough these days. Sure, we talk about all accepting each other and stuff, but we don’t really ever discuss the issue. Too much hate and stuff is always mixed in, so people are afraid to really present anything other than the accepted norm.

Well, I’ve thought out all my thoughts and I’m no longer afraid to publicly claim them.

I do not think that homosexuality is necessarily bad or evil. But I say this in the same way that I don’t think it’s necessarily bad or evil if a brother and sister (both consenting and over the age of 18) decide to sleep together. Yes, I am comparing homosexuality to incest. (PLEASE, please, please, whether you are a homosexual lover or hater, hear me out and read this to the end before you start sending me evil emails!) I am comparing homosexuality and incest because essentially they run along the same lines. I’m sure half the people reading this are cringing at the thought of incest and are appalled that I’m comparing the two, right? Why do people think incest is wrong? Because society has taught that it’s wrong? What if, like I mentioned before, two consenting adults have strong sexual feelings for each other, only they just happen to share a mother and father? How is this different from two consenting adults who have strong sexual feelings for each other, only they just happen to both be males? How can one be wrong and one be ok? I think that homosexuality is only deemed acceptable now because society has deemed it acceptable. And the only reason incest is deemed unacceptable is because society has deemed it unacceptable.

I DO NOT think that homosexuality is just something people are “born with”. I don’t care how many people fight me on this, I am very unlikely to back down. Even within the gay community, this is an issue. If you are “born gay”, then that must mean it’s something in your genes. And if it’s something in your genes, then eventually, through genetic engineering, riding the world of homosexuality probably is not that far off. I believe that homosexuality is a choice. But not necessarily one that someone just wakes up one day and decides to be. I think that homosexual tendencies may slowly be developed through a person’s upbringing. And I think that today, when more and more people are looking at more feminine boys and more athletic girls and telling them that they must be homosexual, these boys and girls grow up with the belief in the back of their minds that they must be gay. It’s the same thing with kids who grow up being told they are fat. Whether or not they really are doesn’t matter, these kids will always think of themselves as fat.

I think that you can have sexual thoughts about a member of the same sex just as you can have sexual thoughts about a member of your family. I’m not saying that these thoughts should be encouraged, because I do not think they should be. Just as a thought about killing someone may pop into your head, but that doesn’t mean that you should sit there and dwell on that thought. Sexual feelings are natural. But what matters is how you act upon them.

You can have homosexual thoughts and not be homosexual. You can CHOOSE not to be a homosexual. I’m sure there have been thousands and thousands of people throughout history who have thought about another guy or girl, but they DIDN’T act upon or let their minds dwell on those thoughts. It’s the same with incest. Or with murder, for that matter. Sometime in your life, you may consider what it’d be like to actually kill someone. You may wonder what that would feel like. But that doesn’t mean that you should go kill someone because these thoughts mean that you are already a murderer. It’s called SELF-CONTROL - we do have it nowadays, though people like to pretend that that’s out-of-style or something. Thoughts do NOT equal actions. Controlling your thoughts is the first step, but actions are what you must ultimately be held responsible for.

I’ve also recently wondered why there seems to be so many historical artists and philosophers and scientists, etc. who are rumored to be gay. OK, so I don’t know everything in the world, but I know that we, as humans, are sexual beings. We have sexual desires. And I think that if a person doesn’t seem to function socially enough to find a member of the opposite sex with which to fulfill these sexual desires, then he/she will turn to what they may then feel more comfortable with: a member of their own sex. In other words, I’m a girl. I talk to and connect with girls on a different level than guys. Because I’m a girl, being around other females is comfortable to me. If I were a very unsociable person, or felt that the majority of the guys could never comprehend my level of intellect and I never bothered to get to know them, or having been sheltered from guys and was therefore scared of them, or lots of other reasons, then I probably would feel more comfortable being around other females. And seeing how we are sexual begins, I would then ascribe my sexual feelings to females only, because I felt unable to fulfill those desires with men.

I am NOT saying that homosexuality is wrong or evil. I don’t think I have the authority to claim absolute rights or wrongs. I do not hate gay men or lesbian women, or those transgendered folks who don’t want to be classified as men or women exclusively. I don’t think they should burn in hell and I don’t think they are sinners. But I do not think that homosexuality should be practiced as I do not think that incest should be practiced. As I mentioned before, I’m not going to deny sexual feelings or tendencies towards homosexuality or incest, but I believe in SELF-CONTROL. And I believe that we as a society must hold things to be “right” and “wrong” (despite the existence or non-existence of ABSOLUTE rights or wrongs) in order to have guidelines to live by.

We’ve given ourselves the guideline of not practicing incest because it may lead to birth defects, but why not practice homosexuality if there are no health issues involved? I think this question misses the whole point I am trying to make. Despite the popular belief, I do not believe the mantra of “if it feels good, do it”. Or “if it’s not unhealthy, go for it”. Health does not rule all decisions. Sticking with the sexual theme we’ve got going on, it may not be any less unhealthy to sleep around with someone other than your spouse (providing you’re using protection) than sleeping with your spouse, but that doesn’t mean that you should practice infidelity. Yes, you could argue the psychological health affected by infidelity, but then you’d also have to account for the psychological health issues of homosexuality.

Maybe I’m talking about morals or ethics here. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe that’s why this essay will not make sense to a large part of the population who’ve been led into thinking that homosexuality is completely normal. Because I have different morals than them. And I know that I cannot force my morals onto someone else. So, if you are reading this and think that homosexuality is normal and natural and something you are born with and we should all practice all-encompassing acceptance of it, well, then you hold different morals than me and it is ultimately impossible for me to change them with my reasonings. However, before you label me as an ignorant homophobic (which I’ve already described that I’m not), consider why you think that infidelity or incest or even bestiality should not be practiced. I think this is my whole point: that it comes down to morals and what we feel is right. I feel that we should have enough self-control to live our lives under certain guidelines, and these guidelines do not include, among others, incest, murder or homosexuality.

And these guidelines, or morals, are mine. Yours may be different. But that doesn’t make either of ours more right than the other. I also think that sex is best within a marriage only. So who knows? Maybe I'm the weird one here. Or maybe you are. :) 

last updated:
9/21/04