Tragedies (this is not a very good title, for
this essay is more on depression and lack of tragedies than tragic
events, but I didn't know what else to call this.)
written
spring 2000:
It's as though people take pride in their tragedies. They don't know
what else to do with them, so they dust them off and claim to be better
off because of them. Sometimes, it seems almost that people brag about
the sufferings they've endured, as if, depending on the number of tragedies
one has endured, the better or more righteous one is. How can this be?
Tragedies are not something one can chose to occur, nor are they something
one can make occur. Those who force tragedy on another are always the
bad ones; they will not become a better (by better, I mean stronger;
one who has grown) person for having lived through tragedy, instead,
they become the worst type of person: one who forces pain on others.
How then, are we to become better (and stronger)? If we can't force
tragedy upon ourselves any more than we can't become better by living
without tragedy, why is it that tragedy is considered to make people
better?
I've never suffered a serious tragedy, but I wish I had. Through people,
though I'm sure they don't wish this to come out of their testimonies,
I feel that I cannot be equal with them.
It's not rebellion, but I feel that in order to become better, to become
accepted by others (and it seems as though all others have suffered
terrible tragedies), I must be brought low, I must suffer, so I bring
myself into this depression because I feel I deserve it. And though
I hate it, I will not bring myself or let myself be brought out of it
because I haven't suffered enough. I haven't been in enough tragedy
yet for others to feel I've gone through tragedy enough to relate and
to be accepted with them.
I'm sure to the average person, I sound like a twisted thinker, and
that's just my point. The average person will read this, and having
some tragedy to look back upon, will immediately dismiss me as someone
who cannot possibly understand what tragedy feels like and therefore
has no room to talk. I can never relate to them and therefore never
be accepted.
as
with all my essays, feel free to email me and tell me what I have
to say is stupid if you want. I think that discussing and questioning
things with others helps me better develop what I think and why...so
I encourage it and would love to hear from you!