A whopping 
people have
experienced the world of Phronk.
Welcome to Phronk Land! If you've never been here before, you're probably asking yourself (or anyone near you) "What the heck is this?", or, if you're a bit more vulgar, "What the hell is this?". In extreme cases, you might even be using a certain word that begins with F and ends in UCK in the place of heck. In any case, you need an explanation. Well, the best place to start would probably be the Phronk FAQ. After you've read that, you're probably bored and want to know how to get the most out of this page in as little time as possible. Well, the most critically acclaimed section of the page is Phronk's Internet Adventures, so if you only want to read one thing here, read that. If you've seen that and still want more (for some reason), the toolbar to your left or above this paragraph provides you with an easy and fun way to navigate the site. Thanks for visiting. I hope you enjoy your stay here, because if you don't, I will kill you.
To contact me, simply send mail to phronk@hotmail.com, or phronk@phronk.com. Please email me. Don't be intimidated by the incredible quality of this homepage, I like getting email. Replying can be fun sometimes too. So mail me. I'm lonely. Please?
Welcome to the New Phronk.Com
That's right, I've totally redesigned this web site's interface by adding colour to the titles of my posts! Isn't that exciting??? Anyway, I have something to complain about now, so listen up.
You know what's funny? Foods that advertise that they're "low fat", but only because there's not much of it. For example, today I had some Lean Cuisine frozen ravioli, and it only came with like 3 raviolis. Of course it's low fat, you're only eating two bites of food. Same with crackers that advertise themselves as low fat....you look at the fine print, and it's like Only 3 grams of fat!!! (per cracker). Cookie dough ice cream can be considered low fat if you only eat one spoonful per "serving." I think I'll start marketing that.
P.S. Aren't Canadians supposed to be good at hockey? Fucking Swedish, always ruining everything.
The Academy Award nominations were announced recently, and I'm pretty please with them. I'm glad to see a movie like Lord of the Rings get lots of nominations, because more fantasyish movies need to be made. Anyway, now is a good time to share my worthless opinion with you on what movies I think were the best and worst of the year. I'll do the same thing with music sometime soon. Here we go!
Best Movie: It's a tie!
Moulin Rouge: No movie this has made me get that shivery feeling down my spine more than Moulin Rouge. I love it more every time I see. I love the music, and I'm not sick of the soundtrack despite having listened to it at least 3 gajillion times and getting it stuck in my head for days on end. I love Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman and the fat dude who played Zidler or Sidler or whatever his name is. And on top of it being a wonderful movie, it now has a wonderful DVD with tonnes of fun extra features. It would definitely be the best movie of the year if it didn't have to share the honour with:
Ginger Snaps: The stupid Academy didn't nominate it for anything, but Ginger Snaps is my new favourite werewolf movie. Everything about this movie, from the clever Carrie-like "am I a normal teenager or a werewolf?" theme to the creepy music. This movie was gory, and there are few movies these days that use gore effectively. Also, it's Canadian, but without the "shitty movie" feel of most Canadian movies. Oh, and Ginger is hot as hell, which always helps. If you haven't seen this movie yet, go out and rent it now. This, too, has a wonderful DVD (only in Canada though, so if you're in the US, move here).
Honourable mentions:
Lord of the Rings: I was hoping to be blown away by this movie. However, while I can recognize that everything about this movie was perfect, it just didn't have the impact on me that the two movies mentioned above did. I have to see it again to really judge it fairly.
Memento: A movie that actually required you to think! Plus it had such an original gimmick that it wasn't like watching a normal movie...it was a whole new experience.
Harry Potter: All it did was bring the book to life on the screen. The fact that they didn't completely screw it up is reason enough to mention this movie here.
Other good movies: Jeepers Creepers, Josie and the Pussycats (screw you, I liked it), Vanilla Sky, Freddy Got Fingered (Tom Green is a genius), Shrek, Monsters Inc, Legally Blond, Ocean's 11, Fast and the Furious, Final Fantasy, Amelie, and probably a few others I'm forgetting.
Worst Movie:
Driven: I like every movie I see, and this is no exception, but it's the only one I can think of that was undeniably, objectively, total crap. There really wasn't anything good about it, except a few good songs on the soundtrack (although I used to think so, I now realize that Estella Warren isn't even that hot). There were moments where I couldn't help but laugh at the bad dialogue or shitty especial effects. As I mentioned, I was still entertained (except during the boring parts), but it's just a scientific fact that Driven was a piece of smelly elephant dung that's been sitting in the sun all day and got puked on by a llama. A gay llama.
I'm writing a song to celebrate Valentine's day. The chorus goes "you flew an airplane into my heart." It's called Osama Bin Lovin' . One day it's gonna be a big hit, and I'll be writing songs for big stars like Madonna and Vanilla Ice.
So today I got my graduation picture taken. I've always thought these things were questionable. Nobody looks good in them, because they're not really smiling. It's a fake smile, like when somebody tells a bad joke but you don't want to insult them so you smile anyway. You use different muscles when you perform a fake smile vs. a real smile, and fake smiles look like crap. I think there should be photographers that you can hire to stalk you for a few days, and take pictures of you when you're really smiling and you think nobody's looking. Those would look much better.
Telekinetic Weirdness
Just a few minutes ago, I was thinking about my email account and how I hadn't checked a certain email address (my UWO one) in a while. I am able to check my UWO mail from my Hotmail account with the click of a button, and I was already logged into Hotmail. So, I closed the message I was reading with the intention of checking my UWO mail immediately after that. However, I didn't even need to click the button; Hotmail went immediately to my UWO email. It's as if Hotmail knew what I was thinking and went to the correct address for me. This has never happened before, and it happened to happen (whoa, too many happens) right when I was thinking about it. I'm quite baffled, and it's stuff like this that makes me want to study parapsychology.
Update: When I actually did click to get my UWO email, it didn't work...some settings were wrong. So, somehow, Hotmail got the settings right and then checked my email for me, before I even knew what the right settings were. As Joey from Blossom would say, "whoa." **
** Or Keanu Reeves, for those who don't remember Blossom.
I would like to share with you a very special story that I have written. I wrote this for my Classical Studies class. So, my entire future depends partly on this story. I put a lot of work into it, and I really think it's reflected in the final product. It's also reflected in the mark I got: 14.1 out of 15. I bet the TA wanted to give it perfect, but the maximum they're allowed to give out is 14...so he added that extra 0.1 just as a symbolic gesture. You know, to say "hey, I wish I could give you a perfect, but the man is keeping me down." A subtle sign, but I figured it out, Mr. TA. Anyway, click below to read the epic story that critics (my TA) describe as "Fun!"
Link of the Day
THIS MAY BE THE MOST IMPORTANT LINK YOU EVER CLICK!
It'sJesusDiet.com...the people who discovered that eating food can have horrible side effects. I'll never eat again! They also discovered that time seems to slow down when you stop eating, so you seem to experience longer days. Wow. Nailing myself to a crucifix makes the day go a lot slower too. If I stop eating and subject myself to excruciating pain every day, my life will seem so long that I won't know what to do with my time (except cry and wish for death). So basically, the Jesus Diet is not eating anything. Oh, but there is something you must drink....you gotta click the link to find out what it is. Click now, and remember who sent you on the road to a long and healthy life.
(me)
So yesterday I was going through my CD collection, searching for a CD to listen to on the way to and from school. Suddenly, I came across Chumbawamba, those mid-90's one hit wonders. I realized that I hadn't listened to their CD in a while, so I popped it in my discman and went on my merry way. As I trotted along, I began remembering just how great of an album it is. This band should not have been a one hit wonder, it should have been huge. Those crazy anarchists should be opening for N Sync and Britney. But hey, they're still around, so maybe I'll get their newest album. With song titles like "Hey Hey We're the Junkies", it can't be too bad.
Have you ever noticed that "perfection" and "infection" both end in "fection"???
| Read
my Dreambook! Sign my Dreambook! |
Speaking of fun, press ctrl-D right...now! Ok it may not look like it did anything, but you'll thank me in the future. :)
Fine Print: Do
not take anything here seriously. If you're offended or feel threatened, either
mentally or physically, then leave. That's why they call this "interactive". If
you are confused by parts of the page that seem to make no sense, try different
stuff and maybe it will come into focus; anything you do has to do
something. If you see big lines across this page, you don't see animated
gifs, or you don't hear music where you think you should, you may have a common
condition known as "sucking". Symptoms are the word "Netscape" in the name of
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display these symptoms, do not be alarmed; THERE IS A CURE! Simply take a dosage
of Internet Explorer 4.0 or higher and
you should be cured. If problems persist, contact me. All spelling mistakes are intentionel.
