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Joke Collection #4
THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPEN ON STAR TREK
1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that
it has encountered several times before.
2. The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists,
who are all perfectly all right.
3. The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called
Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However,
everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which
later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a
silly hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague,
for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
6. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface
to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has
forgotten to bring the right leads.
7. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as
a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering
staff.
8. A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a
computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge
protection feature called a 'fuse'.
9. The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another
without serious incident.
10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien
intelligence which does not put them on trial.
11. The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.
12. The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and
dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame
it on in the end.
13. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien
intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some
sweeties.
14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon,
which is in some way unconnected with the 20th century.
15. Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
16. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but
fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it
to everyone's satisfaction.
17. The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
18. The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny,
day.
19. An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is
discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if
successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power
throughout the quadrant."
20. A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck
without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.
21. Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."
22. Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so"!
23. Picard walks up to the replicator and says, "Coke on ice."
24. Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly
obvious.
25. Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's
position.
26. Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate
Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read
you love poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! He's MINE!"
27. When Worf tells the bride officers that something is entering
visual range no one says "On screen."
28. Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond
to one of the Enterprise's hails.
29. Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't
done in "Deja Vu" then we could have seen it 5 times without
rewinding the tape).
30. Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a
smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of
his own age for a change.
31. Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we
know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net).
32. The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort
themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy
genius Wesley Crusher.
33. Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and it works
better than ever.
34. Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without
having a hot flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in
the room.
35. Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy
routine.
36. Data falls in love with the replicator.
37. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits,
and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the
episode.
38. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less
advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the
Starfleet Prime Directive.
39. An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to
tell the tale.
40. Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not
being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in
three sentences that anyone says to him.
41. Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1 consecutive
episode.
42. Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics
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