|
|
|
Movie Reviews
 P-Z These movies aren't the best of the best, it's true. But they aren't bad. They've got more merits than flaws, and they're worth a look, and maybe even a purchase.
Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004) Saved! (2004) Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003) Signs (2002) Spider-Man (2002) Tomb Raider (2001) Star Trek: Generations (1994) (Movie Reviews Links Page) (4 AMHB: A-G) (4 AMHB: H-O) Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004) I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this one. It was good, but the horror/video game genre isn’t really my speed. However, I saw the movie and I’m going to review it. So this is a sequel to 2002’s “Resident Evil”, a film based on the popular video game series of the same name. In the first film, a team of special agents named by a woman named Alice (Milla Jovovich) went down into The Hive, a secret research facility under the town of Raccoon City run by the vast Umbrella Corporation. The Corporation has lost all communication with The Hive and fears that a virus has escaped and infected the researchers. The team discovers that not only has the artificial intelligence of the computer running the facility gone haywire, but they are being hunted by a horde of the infected undead. The virus regenerates dead cells, causing those who are exposed to come back as mindless zombies. Alice and the survivors begin a desperate race to the surface, fighting against converging enemies on all sides. At the end of the first one, Alice escapes The Hive but is captured by the Umbrella Corporation. She wakes up in a white room, and upon gong outside, sees that Raccoon City has been overrun by the infected. As the sequel begins, Alice tries to make her way out of Raccoon City. She eventually meets up with former S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics And Rescue Squad, the secret police of the Umbrella Corporation) agent Jill Valentine and a mix of other survivors. Alice learns that she has new genetic enhancements that allow her to shoot more things in slow motion. Meanwhile, Umbrella is attempting to fix its mistakes by quarantining the whole city. The daughter of Dr. Charles Ashford, an Umbrella scientist, goes missing during an operation to escort her out of the city. Ashford gets in touch with Alice and company and makes a deal. Find his daughter, and they’ll get safe passage out of the city before it is decimated by a nuclear missile. While they are trying to find the daughter, they meet another enemy. A mutated monster named Nemesis who has been sent in to kill all of the members of S.T.A.R.S. in the city in order to cover up the Corporations blunders. This movie was wholly satisfying, especially if you like seeing explosions or guns or extras hobbling around in zombie makeup. The film is one part “28 Days Later” (2003), one part “Matrix” (1999), and one part “Aliens” (1986). The point is, it’s a perfectly good sequel. The anty was upped. The action was extended sufficiently. The times were more desperate. The plot is original enough for a good time. There were more gun battles. It’s all good. Come on people, this movie wasn’t setting out to be the next “Citizen Kane”, nor should it have. It’s some light movie suspension of disbelief fun. So, Milla Jovovich, this is my Christmas 2004 present to you: 4 AMHB. I bet get that book of humorous Bush quotes from you. Damn, I did spend a lot of time on this one. Saved! (2004) My first reaction to this movie was not favorable. I was sure that if I saw Jena Malone as a repressed private school girl for a third time (after "Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys" (2002) and "Donnie Darko" (2002)), the implosion of the universe would occur. Not only that, but the movie looked typically clichéd. It even had Mandy Moore in it, for Pete's sake. But, as usually happens with me, I will see a movie I'm skeptical about on a whim and actually really like it. "Saved!" was such a movie.
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
As an aspiring young filmmaker, it is my dream to have Arnold Schwarzenegger appear in a bit part in one of my movies. The movie will be about an amateur theater group putting on a play about famous European composers. Realizing they don't have enough actors for all the parts, they appeal to the kindly townsfolk to be in their play. At this point, Arnold Schwarzenegger's character (maybe he'll play a kindly shopkeeper) will raise his hand and say, "I'll be Bach." Now that I got my horrible pun out of the way, I'll begin my review. I began hearing details of this new installment in the Terminator franchise nearly a year ago, and like the rest of the nerd community was very worried when I heard that it would go forward without the participation of key T2 people James Cameron, Linda Hamilton, or Edward Furlong (if you don't know who these people are or their relation to the Terminator franchise, stop reading my review). I am pleased to report that T3 succeeds anyway, perhaps because of their absence. I don't know what has gotten into James Cameron lately. I love the Terminator films and Aliens, but not being a hormonal 14 year old girl I was unable to appreciate Titanic. Instead of returning to his action/sci-fi roots for T3, he opted to make a stupid documentary about the wreakage of the actual Titanic. Ooh, I'm impressed James. No one cares! As for the better of the two summer films about a war between machines and humans, T3 definitely kicks The Matrix Reloaded's existential ass. Speaking of asses, I'm not gay but I'll take Arnold Schwarzenegger's ass over Keanu Reeve's anyday. T3 took me by surprise. Like I said earlier, my expectations were a little lowered going into this. Coming out of the theater, I was overwhelmed and impressed with the respect the writers and director showed for the first films and amazed at the direction they were taking the story in. The effects, visuals and action sequences, while no longer as groundbreaking as they were in 1991, are nevertheless superb and worthy of the franchise. Usually, I dislike sequels where a major character is played by a different actor but Nick Stahl does a great job of assuming the role of John Connor. His performance is fantastic, and should serve as an example to other young actors playing sci-fi/fantasy heroes with heavy prophecies hanging over their head (cough cough Hayden Christensen and Daniel Radcliffe). Even though Linda Hamilton decided not to be in the movie, there are enough references to Sarah Connor to make it feel like she is there in spirit. In my opinion, Sarah Connor's story and purpose ended with T2, so it's not like she's an essential part that's missing. Another surprise was Claire Danes playing Kate Brewster. From what I'd read before the movie, I thought her character was just a tagalong girlfriend to add some wackiness to the mix. Her character is much more than that, and is part of what makes the movie great. Oh yeah.Kristanna Loken as the Terminatrix. After having seen way too many naked men emerge from the time bubble/sphere thing, we're finally treated to seeing a naked woman emerge from it. She should be applauded for being the first evil Terminator to actually accomplish part of its mission. She lacks Robert Patrick's menacing coldness and Schwarzenegger's cyborg wit, but she proves herself an effective nemesis. As mentioned before, director Mostow matches the tone and continuity of the first films, and even adds some appropriate humor (That gay stripper deserves an Oscar). He lacks some of the masturbatory visual flashiness of James Cameron, but T2 had enough burning playgrounds to excuse their absence in any future installments. Mostow is to be applauded for making a respectable Terminator sequel which isn't hokey and greatly succeeds in advancing the story. The film also features a clever and hilarious cameo by the only other actor from T2 besides Arnold to reprise his character. Aside from quirky character comedies, sci/fi films are my favorite genre of films. I was afraid of how they would handle the storyline, and was hoping they wouldn't bitch out on the ending. The conclusion is dark and ambitious, and features the infamous rise of the machines that the subtitle promises. In T3, John Connor takes the narrating reins from his mother and bookends the film with two wonderfully written speeches which elevate the film beyond mere robot action film. All that being said, I'm looking forward to a possible Terminator 4 in which we finally see John Connor take on Skynet and all those machine gun toting T-101s that are always glimpsed in the first five minutes of every Terminator film. There is talk of Arnold Schwarzenegger running for governor of California, which could ruin prospects for the fourth film. What I propose is this: why can't he do both? "I need your clothes, your bike, and a tax cut." P.S. Roger Ebert, shut the hell up. You no longer know what you're talking about. How can you give Jurassic Park 3 three stars and award Terminator 3 only two and a half? I know you live in Chicago, and it's only a matter of time before I find out exactly where. Premise: Comments: Mel Gibson turns in his usual good performance, and Rory Culkin and Abigail Breslin do extremely well for young actors. Yes, Rory is the brother of Macaulay. If Rory can stay away from his family, he might have a future in show biz. Abigail Breslin also has a future in showbiz, and is a lot less annoying than Haley Joel Osment. M. Night Shyamalan does very well in his third major directing experience since his "Sixth Sense" gained unprecedented attention in the United States. He's the first director whom I simultaneously like and whose name I can't pronounce. Prognosis: Good. Fire: Bad. Favorite Lines: However, here's a line courtesy somebody who didn't have to put up with that: (Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix are running around trying to scare whatever's out in their field) You had to see it to think it was funny.
Spider-Man (2002)
As I am highly anticipating the much rumored Yoda-welding-a-lightsaber sequence in Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones, I kind of overlooked the arrival of Spider-Man. Well, I can already tell you. if it weren't for Episode II and Men In Black 2, the sequels to two of my favorite movies Spider-Man probably would have been my favorite action fantasy/sci-fi film this summer. Where were all these wonderful movies last summer when I was pathetically trying to enjoy Planet of the Apes? While at a screening of Wonder Boys in my living room several years ago, I looked at the screen and pointed. I said "That boy is going to be a star." I intended to point at Tobey Maguire, but the movie didn't freeze to cater to my predictions. There was now a shot of Michael Douglas and Robert Downey Jr. on the screen. Crackheads and pedophiles aside, Tobey Maguire rules the screen as Peter Parker/Spiderman. Even if the rest of the movie were terrible (which it certainly wasn't) he would have saved it. Everything about his performance was perfect. You know what? Screw Halle Berry and James Marsden. this kid needs to get together with Hugh Jackman for a Spiderman/Wolverine buddy comedy. Anyway. everything in this movie was great. I cannot stress to you, the reader, how perfect everything was. Great dialogue, believable yet fantastic special effects, and all around movie-goer fulfillment. Ebert, the ass who needs to turn in his badge and gun in my opinion, totally missed the point of the end of the movie. If you've seen the movie, check out his review so you can laugh at his ineptitude as a movie critic. Kirsten Dunst. James Franco. William Dafoe. J.K. Simmons. Bruce Campbell (Taking the David Spade Crown of Cameos in my humble opinion) all rock the boat in this film. Dafoe isn't a scenery-chewing villain from a Batman movie, or a silent thug like Sabertooth or Toad in X-Men. As is with all movies, this one does suffer from a few faults. The day I find a film without flaws is the day Bill Clinton willingly goes to a marriage counselor. (In earlier draft, that line read "The day I find a film without flaws is the day I get Hepatitis C from Pamela Anderson Lee," but I decided that would be too tasteless to include) One tiny flaw or oversight: where does Peter Parker get the kick-ass costume? One minute he's wrassling Bonesaw in his pajamas, the next he's wearing this fancy obviously difficult to manufacture skin-tight suit. But that mistake is child's play compared to the film's huge glaring error: the inclusion of Macy Gray. Why they ever let this gigantic muppet-voiced orc with suspicious looking hair near this movie is beyond me. I would have rather had Sum 41 singing their ridiculous "punk rock" (yeah right) than listen to this monster mumble into a microphone. Macy Gray. screw it. it is now impossible to end this review on a high note.
Tomb Raider (2001)
Premise Lady Lara Croft is not your average sample of English nobility. She rather enjoys raiding tombs for treasure, fighting monkeys and such. This time, however, she's up for a challenge. It's nothing she can't handle though. With the alignment of the planets, it is the proper time to acquire an ancient clock capable of controlling time itself. If she cannot acquire it, she will have to wait 5000 years to try again, and I don't think she will be quite as up to the task if she waits. The trouble is that she has a rival group known as the Illuminati that wants to get the clock first. Through the help of her many connections around the world and at home, including her butler Hillary and her--what I can only assume is a--trainer and close friend Bryce who lives in a trailer outside of her stately Croft Manor. Lara's father (Jon Voight) is also involved, I will not give away the rest, but monkeys are involved, as well as U2's "Elevation". Comments It is good to note that Chris Barrie from the hit British sci-fi/comedy series "Red Dwarf" plays Lara's butler Hillary, and does a pretty darn good job of it. As for the movie, I believe it was well done. I have one problem however. Lara Croft is too competent for any real suspense in the movie. She never loses. There's never a point where you say to yourself, "Dang, she's done for.". The special effects are hella-cool though, and the plot is competent, if not an exagerated version of reality. Angelina Jolie nails the part though, and it is an enjoyable movie. Favorite Lines "Bingo!"--Bryce "I woke up today and just hated everything"--Lara "Ready to save the world?"
Star Trek: Generations (1994)
Premise: The movie begins on the Enterprise-B. Its maiden voyage goes very badly. It recieves a distress call from 2 ships in an energy ribbon and only gets less than half of the survivors, it gets badly damaged and James. T. Kirk (William Shatner) dies. Wow. 78 years later, Captain Picard (Patrick Stewart) and friends are flying around the galaxy, and they get a distress call from a stellar observatory. There, they come upon a Dr. Soren (a survivor of the energy ribbon accident 78 years earlier.) Dr. Soren is very evil, as shown by his almost hypnotic power over Captain Picard and the theme music played while he is onscreen. Meanwhile, Data (Brent Spiner) wants to use his emotion chip to start becoming yet more human. However, it soon turns potentially deadly when, on the observatory, the chip malfunctions and it costs the crew Geordi (LeVar Burton). He comes back alive though, only with a probe in his head. Backing way up, it seems that Dr. Soren is attempting get back to the energy ribbon, which turns out is some temporal nexus--in layman's terms: nirvana, paradise. In it, you feel complete happiness. You can go anywhere you want, and do anything. Just ask Whoopi Goldberg, she'll tell you. Soren wants a certain element that will stop fusion within a star, thus altering the course of the ribbon to go past a certain planet. The crew makes all speed for the planet, but when they get there, they find a Klingon warship with their sheild frequencies. After a mostly one-sided battle, Data gets a brilliant idea and with a single photon torpedo, the Enterprise wipes out the Klingon warship. However, a warp core breach is imminent, so they separate the saucer section from the engines and try to get away. The blast from the explosion knocks them into the atmosphere of the planet though, and the Enterprise crashes. Meanwhile again, Picard is fighting Soren, but he loses and gets sucked into the Nexus. Fortunately, Whoopi Goldberg helps him out, and he asks the help of James T. Kirk, who was sucked into the Nexus when the Enterprise-B was hit. The 2 go back and fight Soren, and pave the way for an 8th Star Trek film. Comments: This film without a doubt revived the Star Trek movie franchise. I mean, after "The Undiscovered Country", something had to redeem it. I'm glad to say that as far as Star Trek movies go, this one was very good. Excellent acting by Patrick Stewart, who had big shoes to fill and many emotions to deal with as Picard. The man is capable of dealing with many different emotional states at once as an actor, and it shows very well in this movie. It is also good to note Alan Ruck's cameo as Captain Harriman of the Enterprise-B. He does very well in his role as the fish-out-of-water new captain, and his scene is hilarious. You might remember Alan Ruck as Cameron in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" or more recently on "Spin City" I thought it was good. I'm a geek, I know. I just like the feel of the movie. Favorite Lines: Whoopi Goldberg: Well, it looks like he hates it Riker: Data, scan for lifeforms. Kirk: Something's missing...(Toast pops up from toaster, Kirk points and goes) Ehm! (Picard walks into a stable, Kirk looks confused) Worf: Their shields are dropping, sir. Go back to the Movie Review Links Page
|
