Patient: Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
Psychiatrist: I'll deal with you later.
Patient: Everyone keeps ignoring me.
Psychiatrist: Next please!
Mother: Mrs. Jokes next door has a new baby.
Daughter: What will she do with her old one?
Mother: You prayed for grandma, grandpa, and Aunt Sue. Why didn't you pray for
Uncle John too?
Daughter: I didn't want to ask for too much.
Parent: I'd like a day without punishing you.
Little Mishief: You have my full permission!
Sailor: I was shipwrecked, and lived on a can of sardines for a week.
Captain: My, weren't you afraid that you'd fall off?
Student: Could I get in trouble if I didn't do something?
Teacher: Well, I don't suppose so.
Student: In that case, I didn't do my homework.
Jim: What's white, steep, and has ears?
Tara: I don't know.
Jim: A snow-covered mountain.
Tara: What about the ears?
Jim: Haven't you ever heard of mountaineers?
Camp Counselor: How did you get that horrible swelling on your nose?
Camper: I bent down to smell a brose.
Camp Counselor: There isn't a B in rose.
Camper: There was in this one!
Student: Teacher, how can I look up a word to spell in the dictionary
if I don't know how to spell the word in the first place?
Teacher: Why do they call it a Hot Water Heater? You don't need to heat hot
water!
Polly: Why are you eating nickels?
Molly: Because the teacher wants to see some change in me.
Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I can't remember anything.
Doctor: How long have you had this problem?
Patient: What problem?
Ben: Did you hear about the new dance called the elevator?
Mike: I sure didn't! What's it like?
Ben: It has no steps!
Mailman 1: A dog bit me on the leg this morning.
Mailman 2: Did you put anything on it?
Mailman 1: No, he liked it plain.
Teacher: Joey, please use the word "wagon" in a sentence.
Joey: Ok, "If I told my dog to stop wagon his tail, he would still wag on."
Teacher: Charles, please use "discount" in a sentence.
Charles: Yes, ma'am. "Does discount as a sentence?"
Teacher: Duff, please use the word "window" in a sentence.
Duff: Yes, sir, here goes: "I entered a contest but didn't window."
Teacher: What do letters B.C. mean?
Pupil: Before Calculators.
Jake: I got an anonymous letter.
John: From whom?
Lenny: May I hold your hand?
Jenny: No, it is not that heavy.
Don: I didn't know our school was haunted.
Ron: Neither did I. How did you find out?
Don: Everybody's been talking about our school spirit.
Brent: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?
Trent: How tall are you?
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