Hopeful 3

Well!! ...the drama continues yet again! I no longer have to worry about the other girl, she decided to take her frustration out on "the guy" at a party he brought her to saturday night by kicking out the windshield in his brother's jeep. Needless to say, that very second ended whatever there was between them. Heh, guess it just wasn't meant to be!?!? (Guess she's a frikkin psycho too!!)

Thanks for all of the advice you've given me, I think I can take it from here. No sooner was she in the cab we'd called for her to get out of there, he was at my side the rest of the night telling me how great I look, how awesome I am, hugs every other minute - but I didn't let it go any further than that - the whole "don't wanna say anything when we've been drinking" thing again.

So!! Now that I've missed my chance once, I'm not gonna let it happen again.

Thanks again - wish me luck!!

Hopeful

I will wish you luck, but I don't think you will need it. Looks like things are going your way now, and you are in control of making your own luck. A word of caution to both of you...be wary of the wrath of psycho ex-girlfriend's. Obviously she is capable of violent behavior.

All the best,

Opinion Guy

Nice Girl

I met this guy while at work as he comes in on a daily basis to deliver mail and packages. He's been flirting with me since approximately day one and initially I wasn't interested, but he's more or less grown on me and so we've been flirting back and forth for months now and I've observed despite his flirtations, he's very shy.

Well, about a couple of months ago, he hinted around about talking on the phone, asked me if I was going to a certain community function, then overheard a conversation I was having and made a remark saying, "What? You don't work weekends?" As if he didn't already know and in his tone conveyed interest and excitement.

Well, a few weeks ago, I wrote my phone number down on his clip board instead of signing my name and he saw it and smiled from ear to ear and actually gasped for air a couple of times. To my knowledge, he hasn't called although while I was out sick for a whole week with flu, I kept getting strange phone calls during the day from men and all were wrong numbers. But since then I got the cold shoulder, then he flirted with me once, then I was treated somewhat rudely, and like I said, I was out sick for a week and then when I returned to work I was still ill and not at the peak of friendliness and he spoke a little regarding deliveries and made the remark that he had gotten everything off the truck and I responded with, "Good because I hate the afternoon deliveries." (It adds to my work load causing me to stay later.) And he replied with, "Accounts Payable???" and I said, "Yes." then I said, "But it's no big deal."

Since I've returned to work I've been moved to another section of the office so I haven't seen him in over a week and probably won't for a few weeks. I don't have any idea what happened but it was as if after I gave him my number things changed and I was treated very strangely. Everyone in the office observed that he liked me and told me so. Could you expound on this with what you think happened? Should I forget him and move on? Your opinion is greatly appreciated!

Nice Girl

Dear Nice Girl, if you want my opinion...

I am fairly certain that this delivery man, being shy and insecure, has misinterpreted some events, and your comments on hating afternoon deliveries. If you are still interested in him you will have to make an effort to speak with him. Show that you are still friendly with him. Tell him that you were looking forward to his call and hope he will call some time. But keep in mind that because of his insecurities, the confusing events you have experienced are not likely to be isolated.

Opinion Guy

renee

Recently have been involved with a man for 3 months. He treated me very badly one night infront of his friends by being rude and showing off. Later on that evening he wanted me to go back to his house after the fact that he was rude to me. I was quite upset but let it go until I could deal with it further and take a time out to peice together what had happend and to deal with it directly. I ended up emailing him about the issue of him disrespecting me in front of his friends. I also indicated that I would not stand for any lack of disrespect on any level. I also did mention that I found him attractive and sexy and complimented him on his personality. I never mentioned once that I percieved him and I as a couple or experiencing a relationship.

He however "Freaked" like I knew he would. But had the balls to phone and discuss my email. He basically indicated that he does not want a relationship because he is too busy.. but yet he wants to know what my plans may be on a Friday night. We did not talk for about a month or so. I started moveing on but still kept him in mind.

I have to be honest because I really like this guy. I have been honest with him about everything. "even if he lacks maturity". So I decided to take things easy and give him his space. He called me this past week "out of the blue" and asked me what I was up too that evening. Then he continued to indicate that he misses talking to me etc. and that we need to go out. He told me that he would call me the following saturday and never did. This completely fustrates me because I do not understand what he does this? what i really want to know is that.. am i really wasting my time? OR should i confront him about this? I do not want to be playing this game. Can you give me any advice?

renee

Dear renee, if you want my opinion...

As you recognized yourself, this guy is immature. What is he up to? I'm sorry to say he is interested in pleasing himself, and will use you, or anyone else to do it, regardless of how it may hurt you. You say he is attractive, but you did not mention any other character traits I would call positive. My advice is to make him a part of your history. He will only continue to confuse, hurt, and disappoint you.

Opinion Guy

Hopeful 2

Well, it's me again!!

The saga continues... He hooked up with another girl after a party one night as one of those "after party drunk sex" things, but now they've been out on a couple dates and so on. (Not the receptionist by the way.) Bummer for me being such a chicken-sh**, cuz now I've heard he never asked me out cuz he thought I was out of his league. Would it be wrong for me to still go for it?? I really don't want to interfere with what he has going on with this other girl now... I'm defiantly not he 'boyfriend stealer' type (and she lives really close to me), but now I know that there was interest on his behalf, and I still don't want to miss out.

I will defiantly take your advice on the subtle hints thing.. tell him how lucky I think she is, etc. I just have to wait for the right moment, which I hope is soon. I don't want to stand there one day & all of a sudden pipe up and say "hey, that girl you're seeing lately.. you know I think she's really lucky to be with you". He completely avoids bringing her over to my place when I'm home, and if he's talking about her with the guys, he'll completely drop the conversation as soon as I enter the room... but still comes over to hang out & chit chat.

Grrrr.... this is so0o0o confusing. And you guys say girls are hard to understand!! ha!!! Anyway... your last piece of advice was great, hope you can help me out again.

Thanks,

Hopeful

Dear Hopeful, if you want my opinion...

If the dating relationship between that fellow and the new girl is in any way more serious than casual dating, it would not only be a mistake to interfere, it could also come back to bite you. The new girl would label you a man stealer, and the fellow could end up being frustrated and resentful towards you.

Giving him very subtle hints like the one you described is ok, but don'tt overdo it. Once he knows your feelings leave it alone, and leave it to him to decide. Even if he is taking his time or seems he will not stop dating her. If you don't allow him to make up his own mind, un pressured, you will look like the one who came between them. It is very probable that this new lady already sees you as a threat.

Be patient and prepared for disappointment (he has his own heart and must make his own decisions).

Opinion Guy

Lee

Just a follow up from the questionn by anonymous, do you think the shy guy likes her?..Was he ever interested..or maybe he just lost interest in her?...

Lee

Dear Lee, if you want my opinion...

I obviously can't know for sure if is or ever was interested, but I can infer that he was friendly based on Anonymous' word. I feel safe in saying he likes her at the least, and that is enough to become friends.

Opinion Guy

Anonymous

This shy guy and I had been smiling and staring alot for a few months..then semester holidays came and when we saw each other again he refused to smile let alone look at me...I don't know what did, but he acted like he did not even know me..so from that moment on every time I saw him I would just ignore him, i.e not even wanting to look at him...this went on for like 7 weeks..and then one day is caught him staring at me and when I looked he immediately turned away...

I don't know what's going on with me cause I have not done anything to offend him...and then the other day so happened my friend had to sit next to him (he knows that she's my good friend cause he sees us together a few times)...and the moment she put her bag on the floor next to him, he immediately stood up and walked out of the class..he just stood outside(facing the tutorial room) till the tutor come before coming back to the class...like he did not even want to give my friend a chance to talk to him...she felt really really humiliated as it was so obvious when he just stood up and walked out...now....she told me that since the first tutorial. he had been looking at her and kinda staring a bit..like he had singled her out from everyone else in the room cause she is my good friend...

ok..so I mean if he has a problem with me, why lash it out on my friend?..shouldn't it be at me?..if he wanted to ignore me he would have gone all out to do so...but on the day he so called humiliated my friend, before class, he actually came and sat near me, when he could have sat the other side, which was far away from me...I'm really puzzled....if he hates me, why not just totally ignore me..he's just weird....please help....

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, if you want my opinion...

This guy is incredibly shy. I don't mean the regular kind of shy either. I'm talking about a kind of shy that he just cannot control on his own, and that is debilitating in terms of his social interaction. It is probably destroying his self esteem, and pure hell for him to have to deal with. There could be many reasons for it, including many personal reasons that he would be unlikely to discuss with you (don't ask him whatever you do). I don't think he means to hurt you or your friend. I think he realizes he has offended both of you though, and that he is mortified about it, but is unable to do anything about it.

The only advice I can give you is to not let him think you are upset or angry with him. He is probably ultra aware of any negative reactions to his behavior, which he knows fully well is strange. I also recommend backing off, but remaining friendly. He should get the message that you are empathetic to his situation. Let him make the first attempts at communicating with you. But be patient. This is incredibly hard for him and just talking to you is probably going to be a monumental effort for him. If you rush him or crowd him he may panic, react in a strange way, and embarrass himself even further. Just continue to be friendly with him. Don't flirt, and don't send friends to check him out. He needs to be comfortable communicating with you on a very basic and friendly level before you can ever think about flirting, or asking him out, or anything like that.

Good luck.

Opinion Guy

Wish I Had a Guy

Ok there is this really cute guy at my school I want to get to know him I have not really ever talked to him he doesn't even know my name what do I do to get him to notice me how do I meet him?

Wish I Had a Guy

Dear Wish I Had A Guy, if you want my opinion...

Introduce yourself to him, or have a mutual friend introduce you.

Opinion Guy

Confused About a Guy

Hey Opinion Guy.. okay here's just a general stupid dating question... I recently started working again and it's in a local college so I'm around alot of new people and alot of guys :) which I'm oh so happy about. Okay so it was on my first day and I'm walkin down the hall after delivering some mail from my boss to the mailroom.. and I feel someone kinda looking at me so I look up and it's this very very good lookin guy and he's smiling and says hi so I smile and say hi back look down and look back up and he's still smiling and looking at me, so yah that is always nice to have someone acknowledge your presence... so anyways i've been there for a week and I see him in the halls and we smile and say hi to each other and I Personally feel that it feels like another "interest" hello other than just being friendly which he totally is... so my question to you is how do I get to the next stage of you know introducing myself and getting him if he's interested to ask me out or stop and talk to me... I'm a friendly gal so it's not like I'm intimidating him or anything.. but I definitely need an honest opinion about this instead of one of my friends going "yah go for it" b/c they don't want to hurt me with the truth..haha anyways thanks and I hope to hear your response soon!

Confused about A Guy! haha How Original eh!

Dear Confused about a guy, if you want my opinion...

I can't tell you whether he is interested in you romantically, but it does seem he is showing some interest. Enough interest that you can confidently make attempts at trying to develop a friendly relationship. Once you are friends and feel confident and comfortable around one another, it will be much easier to tell if he is interested in being more than just friends.

Opinion Guy

A Confused Girl

Today me and my boyfriend were in the cafe and I have been feeling lastly that we have been separating from each other a bit.. So I bluntly asked him if he wanted to have sex tonight. And he was just like wow thats blunt do you think that was the right thing to do?

A confused girl

Dear A confused girl, if you want my opinion...

I'm not certain if you want to know if your being blunt was the right thing to do, or if asking him to have sex with you was the right thing to do. If it was bluntness you refer to, I see nothing wrong, but if it was asking for sex, I can't say the same thing. I get the impression that you are both young and have not as yet been sexually active in your relationship. If this is the case, an attempt to save a relationship you feel may be failing is not a good reason to have sex. Having sex might be a better idea in a relationship where you are both ready, and in a relationship that is already solid.

Opinion Guy

Confused Wife

Dear Opinion Guy,

So glad I found your site, I really want the real truth from a plain ordinary man, not a psychologist or professional. Just the real hard truth! My husband of three years has a had pill problem since the beginning (I didn't know going in-my mistake). So it's been an experience to have someone lie continuously to you and it's been hard. The one thing I was always afraid of but didn't think he'd do was cheat on me. His friends all said he loved me and his lying (and dishonest energy) was all about the drugs. Our sex life since day one has always been great. Three or four months ago he started coming home late, lying, being drunk and we were arguing a lot. Out of the blue a girl calls the house asking for him by first name and said she was a friend. She hung up when I said I was his wife. Be assured she was not a telemarketer. Now you'll think I'm crazy but just know I had to get to the bottom of this because I really love him and at the same time can't stand the thought of his going on behind my back. I asked him to take a polygraph which he failed. He admitted prior to the test that he'd been to a strip club once. When he was taking the test he admitted to four times. Said he was goaded into it by the guy that he was getting a ride to work from for a while. There are a lot of those clubs close to where he works. Still he failed. Later he admits that the night that women called he was at a club w/ a guy that promised him pain pills if he took him there. Said he didn't want to admit this when polygraphed because of hour past w/ his pills. Our marriage was in A LOT of trouble so I decided to go out of state with him on his job w/ our baby .I was way too insecure for him to go alone. When there I asked him to take a polygraph about sexual contact alone, no strip club questions. You can only ask a person one set of content questions when polygraphed to get an accurate answer, meaning I couldn't ask about sex AND clubs. He passed saying that he had not had sexual contact w/ anyone else when married to me and he did not know who the woman was that called.

Our marriage since we've been home has been much better. I still don't trust him (he's a smooth liar), but I know for sure he hasn't been anywhere but work. I wear myself out checking up on him. He doesn't believe me but I'm always checking praying to be relieved that he HASN'T lied to me. Here's my question and problem: Our sex life while out of town and since we've returned has been weird. He doesn't want to much. He is really physically tired when he comes home from work, I know that and he says that's why. He's just always been so sexual before that tiredness never affected him so something's up. Do you know why he's not interested in me anymore? Also, how do you keep a man interested in you?Please help!

Thank you,

Confused Wife

Dear Confused Wife, if you want my opinion...

It is understandable that you are having difficultly trusting your husband. The circumstances are suspicious and the drug addiction leads to such a pattern of lying it would seem easy that he could lie about anything. Unfortunately I cannot tell you if your suspicions are justified. I am not convinced either way as to the effectiveness of polygraph tests, and I don't know enough about the circumstances to make more than a guess. What I am pretty sure about is that whether or not he is cheating on you, your marriage is in trouble, if only because of your husbands drug addiction and alcohol abuse. And those two things are most likely to be the cause (at least most of the cause) of your husbands odd behavior, tension in your home, and your husbands lack of sexual interest. Focusing on trying to get help for your husbands addictions should probably take priority over whether or not he cheats on you. He may or may not be cheating on you, but he is certainly abusing drugs, and that will certainly be the end of your family if he doesn't stop.

For baby's sake, your sake, and your husband's sake, try to get him some help. And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't allow yourself or your baby to be near him when he is using, or if he does not attempt to get help, or be helped. It is a good thing to want to save your family for your child, but don't sacrifice your baby's or your own well being to do so. Despite your love for him, you may have to admit that having a family with a drug addicted father and husband is not preferable to having a broken family. It would be ideal if you did not have to choose either, but if you do, make the right choice for you and your baby.

Wishing you well,

Opinion Guy