bl

This really shy guy and i have been smiling alot and staring at each other for the past few months...I'll always have to smile first before he smiles back with a really big smile..we have not really talked that much with each other...

then we had a one month break...and when school started again, he refused to look at me...like he just walked past me as if I was invisible a few times..and there was once in the library, I heard someone walking from behind and suddenly stopped abruptly as soon as that person caught sight of my back and walked back the way that person came from..from the corner of my eye, I saw it was him...it was as if he was shocked to see me, and decided he didn't want to walk past me...but later he did

What's going on?...why is he acting as if he hates me?..I have not even done anything wrong...

bl

Dear bl, if you want my opinion...

This guy is not mad at you, and he does not hate you. I am convinced he is just painfully shy. The more his shyness causes him to act strangely towards you, the more embarrassed he gets, and that makes him even shyer. If you are still interested in him I would suggest approaching him in a friendly and casual manner and try to start a conversation. Don't expect to much. If it seems awkward make an excuse that you have to go but say that you would like to talk again soon. Be friendly and don't let him see that you may be uncomfortable. Try talking to him again like that a number of times. Eventually he should feel at ease and will behave normally. He will even acknowledge your presence in the halls.

Remember you will have to be patient if you want positive results. Good luck.

Opinion Guy

Confused

I have been with my boyfriend for a few years. For the first year we were madly in love. We were always together kissing, hugging, and just completely inseparable. The thought of him cheating on me never crossed my mind. He was however, a very jealous person. Any time a guy would come up to me he would jump right in a start questioning me. Most of the time these guys were just my old friends. I would explain this to him and we would make up and go back to being inseparable.

The christmas after our anniversary we both went home to our families and desperately wished we could be together during the holidays. This was also the time to visit our old friends. One night we got into an argument over me going to the movies with an old friend. He was upset that it was a guy and i promised him that i loved him and it was a platonic relationship. He said he understood and would go out with the guys and not think about it. He didn't call me the entire night so i called him when i got home. His phone answered and i heard him having sex with someone and i could also hear the blinkers on what seemed to be his car. I started to panic and when i heard him giggle and her moaning i hung up the phone and began sending him messages and calling. He called back an hour later and pretended to be coming home from hanging out with his guys. After fighting for about a half hour he finally admitted to picking up his ex gf and taking her out to dinner. He said she made the first move and one thing led to another. This was the night before new years eve, when he was supposed to have dinner with my family. He showed up to my house anyway asking for my forgiveness and telling me how sorry he was and that he really loved me. It was very awkward. A few days later I found out that it wasn't his ex but that it was some girl that had called him a few times when we were together; he told me it was an old friend trying to keep in touch.(I tried not to be jealous and let it go) I found out that this was not the first time and that they had unprotected sex a few times since the summer. This shocked me because I thought that was the last thing he would do.

We broke up and about four months later, after him pleading that he wants to make it work and that he loves me and needs me, we got back together. Its been five months after that and i still have issues with trusting him but I don't doubt that he loves me. However, he has been telling me that he needs to hang out with his guys more because we are together every minute which is to some extent true. I don't mind him hanging with the guys as long as its just the guys. But this time 8 of his "girl"- friends rented a shore house for the summer and his guys will be there. He told me a few weeks before and said i would be there with him and had nothing to worry about and the girls also invited me. Well he went one night without me promising he would call and didn't. He said he passed out and got really sick. He wanted to go again and I asked if i could tag along being that I had no plans and he kept saying how it was a guys night and the girls were going out, which seemed like such a lie. I told him Id be willing to go anyway and he gave me the address with what seemed like an annoyed attitude and reminded me of how we're always together and he just needed to hang out with his guys for one night with out me being there to bother him. It seemed like he was trying so hard for me not to go. I felt so offended and couldn't understand why i couldn't hang out with them. I wasn't going to do anything but have a good time. I got upset and didn't go. He never called me that night and the next morning told me he passed out again. I remembered there were only four beds and eight girls and other guys. He said he slept on the floor alone. Later i found out that all his friends were hooking up with some girl there and apparently only him and 1 other guy had no girl. He keeps telling me he loves me so much and has learned his lesson and that he doesn't want to mess things up again. Its just that he needs some alone time with his friends from home - guys and girls- apparently without me. What should I think of this? I feel like he is doing something. Why cant he hang out with his friends and me at the same time? We did do it last summer and I had a blast. What changed?

Confused

Dear Confused, if you want my opinion...

Your boyfriend, if he is sincere in wanting to save your relationship, needs to be trying to regain your trust. It does not seem to me that he is making the slightest attempt to do so, and worse yet, he is expecting you to trust him without reason to do so even when he is doing something as innapropriate as staying overnight with mixed company, and leaving you at home. It is not up to you to become more trusting. He is responsible for gaining your trust again, and you are justified in laying out the restrictions he must follow in order to do that. If he cannot comply, there is no reason for you not to think he will be unfaithful again.

What may have changed from last summer is that your boyfriend now thinks he can be unfaithful and treat you badly and still be forgiven. Let him no it is not so. If he does not want to regain your trust you have a choice. You can remain with him, never trusting him, feeling hurt, foolish, and resentful, and possibly being exposed to the consequences of his infidelities; or you can break the relationship off and move on. It should be obvious which is the right choice for you.

Sincerely,

Opinion Guy

Jay

Dear OG

I'm female, married 12 yrs, have two kids, ages 7 and 5. My marriage is healthy, we love each other, have sex once a week, good sex. My husband loves me unconditionally, I'm usually less forgiving but that's typical i think.

I'm involved with a gentlemen at work, on a professional level only, who since the beginning, I have been very attracted to on all accounts. His looks, the way he carries himself. Never has the attraction been verbalized but the "tension" in the air is heavy. Of late, if I don't see him for awhile due to work obligations, I'll speak with him by phone to touch base. This week he said "I miss you, I think you and I have bonded" please comment:

Secondly, since he is a constant resource for me at work, I have nicknamed myself his "stalker" in jest only, b/c I'm constantly asking for his opinions and insight on work issues. I recently emailed him about an issue at work and signed it "your stalker" He replied, "I've got my eye on you" I'm not scared of this, but wonder if these comment are subtle cues/clues that he has either picked up on my attraction to him or feels similar feelings towards me? please comment:

Thank you.

Jay

Dear Jay, if you want my opinion...

I think you recognize that your attraction to this man is mutual. If he were to make it plain to you how he felt, what would you do with the knowledge? If you do not want to put your family, your job, and your friendship at risk, you might consider A) cooling off your flirtatious relationship with your colleague, and B) stop wanting him to be attracted to you. This advice is of course unsolicited. You only asked me if I thought he may be attracted to you. And the answer is yes. Are you sure you want him to be? If the answer is no, keep any interaction with him on a strictly professional level.

Best regards,

Opinion Guy

Lonely One

I have been in a relationship for 1 1/2 yrs he is no longer interested in sex with me, he would rather self satisfy. I have tried to spice things up but to no avail. What do I do?

Lonely One

Dear Lonely One, if you want my opinion...

I can't give you any specific suggestions because I don't have enough information or background on your problem to do so. However there is some general advice I can give you, assuming you have not already done this. You need to let him know how you feel. Tell him that you have noticed his lack of sexual interest in you, and that you want to know how you can both work things out to where you are both satisfied.Be careful not to be too emotional or accusing. Just let him know that you are concerned and want to find a solution. If you become too emotional or start accusing him, he may get defensive and refuse to discuss it. Once you have an open dialog going, you can get an idea what the problem might be, and in knowing the problem, finding a solution you can both work towards will be possible.

Best Regards,

Opinion Guy

Cari

Ok, let's say a guy and girl are in a "sex"-only relationship, you know, just a booty call. They are both ok with that situation and don't even talk about it going further. They guy usually uses the word "sex" or "f*****g", 'cause he's manly and tough. Then one night, after a great "session", the guy says "we make great love". Another night, before fooling around, the guy says "I've never made love to a rollergirl". (we were discussing my rollerblading)

What the heck? Why would he say that? It's not normal for a guy to use the girly phrase, "make love", is it?

--Just wondering

Cari

Dear Cari, if you want my opinion...

It is perfectly normal for a man to use phrases like "making love". Particularly if he wants to express respect and affection to someone with whom he is being intimate. It may just be that your friend cares more for you than you realize. As for those expressions being unmanly or girly...you're kidding right? Yah, I thought I detected a note of sarcasm. If you aren't comfortable with his new found emotional openness, perhaps because you don't have equal affection for him, let him know. But if you do have similar feelings let him be a man and express himself without being made to feel less than a man.

Sincerely.

Opinion Guy

Lynda

How do you make money with a service that is free?

Lynda

Dear Lynda, if you want my opinion...

I'm unsure as to whether you are asking how I make money answering questions and giving opinions on a web site without charging and advertising, or if you are asking a general question about making ways to earn profit with a free service. I'm also unclear about why you wanted this posted in the Love Sex and Marriage section. But I haven't had a submission in a couple of weeks now so I'll try to answer your question in accordance with both possible meanings.

First, if you think I make money on this site you are mistaken. I don't pay for the hosting (it is a free Yahoo Geocities account), and I respond to all submissions in my spare time (so if anyone has to wait a few days for a response you now know why). I wouldn't call what I do in answering questions and offering opinions a "service". Unless of course I was having delusions of grandeur. This is more of a hobby for me. I do it for my own enjoyment.

Second, there are a number of ways to make money while providing a free service. The free services being offered are usually offered to promote something else that is purchasable or to promote the purchase of an extended duration of service.

Thank you for the submission. It has been so long since the last one I feared a conspiracy against me (laughing). I hope I answered your question.

Opinion Guy

Your Opinion On Pedophilia

There are a lot of message boards out there dedicated to pedophile conversation. (boytales.com,boychat.org ect) Most of the individuals on these forums seem alright enough. Some are fathers, brothers, uncles etc. And most of the posts just indicate that these people enjoy spending time with children, and that the sexual aspect really is not that big of a deal. Even in some topics, they are downing sex with children, and even commenting that they hope that the age of consent laws are not lowered, due to the fact that they feel more children will be abused. So are all pedophiles potential child molesters? Now I am just not sure.

Your opinion on pedophilia

Dear Your opinion on pedophilia, if you want my opinion...

Your's is the second submission to this site regarding the topic of pedophilia (look for Working With a Child Molester under the topic Morality), so I have done some previous research into the topic and have done some more along with some re-reading, in preparation of my response to your question.

To answer your question, after reading a number of web based resources that I considered to be if not always unbiased at least attempting to be impartial and objective, my answer is yes. All pedophiles are potential child molesters. In the same way that all heterosexuals, or homosexuals are potential rapists. Do I think that all pedophiles have or will molest children? No I don't. Just as I don't believe all heterosexuals or homosexuals will commit rape.

Now my opinion becomes a little less clear however, as I have noticed an alarming trend in statistics for pedophiles as compared to sex offenders who are heterosexual or homosexual. It seems that a very high percentage of pedophiles have admitted to molestation of children and have admitted to doing it an distressingly great number of times (one source cited the average number of pedophile victims to be 12). I am skeptical by nature, and always suspicious of statistics, especially when they are used on web sites that may be furthering an agenda, and on topics like this that generate so much passion and controversy. But there does seem to be a trend in the numbers. Though they may differ from site to site and source to source, the numbers do seem to suggest that more than half of pedophiles polled have committed offenses against children. Often the numbers suggested are well over half.

This negative trend also seems to reflect a demographic of pedophiles that are older, and have not found treatment or help before they began offending. In fact, it seems that those pedophiles that do offend once are likely to do so multiple times. It also seems clear however, that those finding help and receiving treatment early can be very successful at overcoming their desires to molest children. Pedophiles seem to molest children in high numbers or not at all, and those who do not molest are those who have received treatment.

I also wanted to address your suggestion that some pedophiles may only be everyday men and sometimes women who innocently enjoy the company of children. It has to be clear that a pedophile is sexually attracted to children. If being a pedophile involved only liking children or being in their company most of us could be called pedophiles. If a self proclaimed pedophile tries to pass off his interest in children as harmless or healthy he is being deceitful, and I would consider him a risk to children.

I suggest you look at the submission from Working With a Child Molester I mentioned above for more insight on the topic. Here are the links to a couple of the sites I looked at while researching this reply:

• AtheistParents.Org -by AtheistDad
• Child Molestation Research and Prevention Institute

Sincerely,

Opinion Guy

Secret Admirer

Hi,

If a secret admirer sent a note to you; ideally, what would you want the note to say ? Or, do you think that secret admirer notes are weird and you would never want to get one?

Secret Admirer

Dear Secret Admirer, if you want my opinion...

Although I would be flattered upon receiving a note from a secret admirer, I wouldn't be completely thrilled about receiving one. I am happily married and unavailable to admirers whether they be secret or otherwise.

Hypothetically if I were available I would prefer a note from an admirer that wasn't secret, or anonymous. Being skeptical by nature I would wonder obsessively about the motives of a self professed “admirer” who didn't want their identity known.

I'm not sure why you are asking, but if you are considering an anonymous note to someone that professes your affection, I would suggest that you don't do it anonymously. I also suggest that you don't come on to strong. Make it friendly and simple, just to show that you are interested in starting a communication. And better yet if you can do this in person as opposed to by note, or email.

I hope I have been helpful.

Opinion Guy