Exotic Dancing For My Husband (Don't know what to do)

My husband wants me to perform an exotic dance for him. He wants me to perform it during our foreplay. I am really lost because I do not know where to begin or what to do. I do not even know what type of music to choose, or the song. I don't know what to wear or how to move my body. Please help.

Sincerely,

Exotic dancing for my husband (Don't know what to do)

Dear Exotic dancing for my husband, if you want my opinion...

I can understand your apprehension. I'd feel equally uncomfortable and out of my element if I were to try dancing for my wife. But if she wanted me too I would do it to please her, knowing that she would be pleased and appreciative just for my having attempted it for her pleasure. I'm sure your husband will also be pleased by your willingness to do this for him, regardless of your inexperience or lack of technical skill.

My advise to you is first of all to not take it to seriously or worry about how well you perform. Have fun with it. It's not like you are auditioning for a job as an exotic dancer after all. Just concentrate on having fun and being seductive. I'm sure you know how to turn your husband on. Now think of how you can do it to music. For some inspiration on technique, music, and costume, rent and watch movies like Strip Tease or Showgirls. This may be the hardest part of your preparation. Aside from the dancing sequences there is little else worth watching in either movie.

Good luck and remember, be relaxed and have fun with it. It will make it more enjoyable for you and your husband. You should also keep in mind that if this is something that you are not only uncomfortable doing but are very much against and unwilling to do, you shouldn't do it. Your husband ought to understand and if you do it without enjoying it your husband will be able to tell anyway, making the dance pointless for both of you.

Opinion Guy

Broke Up My Husband's Friendship!

My husband had become friends with a co-worker a couple of years ago. He transferred to a new job and no longer works with him. Over time he started visiting with us both more often and became sort of a friend of the family. Our daughters even liked him because they thought he was funny. At Halloween for instance, we make a haunted house in the garage and he would come over and help scare kids. I became fond of him and got used to him being in our very limited social circle. Something really changed things a couple of months ago, however. He invited us to his house for a barbecue with a female friend of his. After drinking alot we played a game of “truth and dare” and I ended up messing around with him a little. My husband was Ok with it because he was doing the same with the other women. Afterwards I found myself attracted to him. A few weeks later he came over to our house alone and we basically had a three-some with him (I know, stupid idea!) ! I didn't actually have intercourse with him but lets just say I was "intimate" with him in another way. Now the problem is our friendship with him is all messed up. He and I became increasingly flirtatious with each other. The final straw for my husband was a night the three of us went out dancing and got a little tipsy. Our friend, lets call him Bob, had never tried to have any physical contact with me behind my husband's back but that night he was secretly holding my hand and brushing against me when he thought my hubby wasn't looking. Well he did see it and became very angry. They got in a big fight and Bob swore that he wasn't trying to “fuck me” as he put it. Finally they both calmed down and I walked Bob out. I was very drunk and a lot of the details are fuzzy, but for some reason he jokingly said something about coming over to his house sometime. I confessed this to my husband and he got mad at him all over again. He has now sworn him off as a friend. I've spoken with Bob and he confessed that he was very drunk that night. Since then he hasn't made any advances on me and has tried to call my husband and continue their friendship but my hubby has been giving him the cold shoulder. I feel guilty because while Bob was flirting with me I was flirting back. I don't think things would have escalated if we both hadn't have gotten so drunk. Should my husband give this friend another chance? I've already decided that if he does, I'm going to limit my contact with him for a while and definitely not drink around him. I don't want to pursue an affair with him. His friendship and my marriage are more important. I just hate to have us lose his friendship over this. Should he be held accountable for something he said when he was so drunk?

Broke up my husband's friendship!

Dear “Broke up my husband's friendship!”, if you want my opinion...

Both your husbands friend and yourself should be held accountable regardless of how drunk either of you may have been. If you hadn't shared more intimate moments in the past your attempts at flirtation and intimacy outside of your husbands knowledge and consent would still be wrong but your husband might be able to have more trust in both of your motives. But you did have a history of intimacy and close friendship so it is not at all unreasonable or surprising that your husband reacted as he did. He must have felt humiliated, betrayed, and very hurt by both of you. Perhaps if neither of you had been intoxicated you wouldn't have allowed it to happen but it seems obvious that it was something you both wanted, being mutually attracted to each other. From your husband's point of view his wife and good friend were acting on their sexual attraction towards each other behind his back and with little or no regard for him or his feelings. Being drunk was a partial explanation but not an excuse.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not judging Your poly amorous activities when both you and your husband are consenting and in full knowledge. That is your business as adults. My problem is in your betrayal of your husbands trust and your attitude of seemingly wanting to shrug it off as though it were not serious. I guarantee it is serious to your husband. If he decides to trust you and Bob again, and forgive you both enough to resume a friendship with Bob that's great (if the trust is deserved). But if he decides not to resume that friendship he is more than justified in the decision. if you care about your relationship with your husband you would do well to support his decision and cut all ties with Bob yourself for as long as your husband does. Bob may be a great guy and very remorseful and sincere but it is up to your husband to decide if his friendship can be restored to what it was. If you don't support his decision you can expect your husband to be suspicious and untrusting in you and Bob. It's time to ask yourself, “What's more important...my families friendship with Bob or my marriage?”

Opinion Guy

No Name Given

I have just ended an 8 month relationship. He never made me feel comfortable, and he was usually very cold and distant, blaming his distance on work or whatever the crisis of the day was. He never talked to me, except when I made him talk, and I always felt like I was boring him when I talked about my day, a book I was reading, or anything else that would share my life with him. He didn't do it for me in bed, and that was only one of a thousand problems. Then I found out he was dealing cocaine. He says it was only one time, but I don't believe him. He only put in the money, he says... favor for a friend. He also says he's been doing a lot of cocaine lately, which I suspected, but didn't want to accuse him of. He said he only dealt cocaine to make money to buy us a house and to buy me an engagement ring, and he had planned our wedding in Mexico... and he loves me so much, I am throwing away a beautiful thing, I am just too fucked up to deal with things... I! feel like he's manipulating me, but I feel so guilty, that I am letting him. We just had drinks (don't ask me why. I felt like it would be cruel to not see him anymore) and he just couldn't look at me and had to leave when I hugged him goodbye so he didn't “lose his shit”. Am I being callous? Is it wrong to break up with someone who loves you deeply (they say) because they don't know how and don't seem interested in communicating with you? Aren't you supposed to KNOW if you're madly in love with someone? I don't know that about him, so I broke up with him. Am I a bitch?

No Name Given

Dear No Name Given, if you want my opinion...

No, you are not a bitch. You are absolutely right not to want to be in a relationship with someone who is cold, emotionally distant, manipulative, and who engages in criminal activities of which you want no part. It also seems likely that his dealing in drugs and usage of them will only worsen. You shouldn't feel guilty. If he is not a person with whom you can be happy and who shares your fundamental values you are completely justified in your decision to end it. You don't owe him your love and commitment merely because he claims to love you so deeply, whether or not his love is factual. I would suggest you stay as far from this person as possible and forget about him. get on with your life, and leave him to his own life and self destructive ways. Don't allow him to drag you into it or back into an unhappy relationship.

Be strong and good luck in all your endeavors.

Opinion Guy

Mi Drawing is God

dear opinion guy!

when i first started puberty i was extremly lonley. so i decided to make a friend. i came home from my chess game and got a pen from my mums handbag and drew a guy on my bedroom wall.

that night, after pleanty of hours talking to this picture, i sware it started talking. i woke up and suprizingly, i was not scared. so ever since that night i have been talking to this wall about all my problems and worries. it tells me things that i never knew.

i now want to start a family with the picture on the wall. what can i do to make this happen??

(p.s.) i am not crazy or have any mental disabilities.

(p.p.s.) i am now 36 years of age.

Mi drawing is god

Dear Mi drawing is god, if you want my opinion...

This is all very interesting. For something like 23 years you have formed a close and confiding relationship with a guy you drew on the wall of your bedroom. And now you want to start a family with this fellow. My first reaction was obviously that you were joking, or disturbed. But you reassure me that you are not disturbed and seem sincere so although I have never heard of anything remotely like your situation which was in fact genuine I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I don't have much experience in the area of human/reasonable facsimile of human relationships but I will try to use common sense and maybe my suggestions will prove useful.

Before I offer recommendations as to how you might start a family though, I feel I should ask if you have considered all possible ramifications of such a relationship. After taking what your's and it's/his relationship to the next level (if indeed that proves possible), can you really see it lasting or working out? Granted you have had many years to get to know each other, but there is so much to consider if you want a family. A most obvious one is his lack of a third dimension. This coupled with an absence of a corporeal body, and working reproductive organs could seriously hinder your attempts at a family. I suppose an option may be to draw your children. But what kind of life would that be for them. Always being different from the other children, unable to get out and learn of the world around them or go to school. But perhaps they could be mobile. Say for example, if you drew them on cardboard cutouts or paper. Would they be accepted by society? Would their experiences in school and with other children be positive ones? It's a sad fact that children can be very cruel, and there is always the danger one of your children will be mistaken for someone's lost art class homework, crumpled up and thrown away. I don't mean to alarm you and I know the idea is horrific, but it is a consideration. I'm sure you can think of many more considerations. Like how will the father, while confined to two dimensions on a wall help support your family?

If after careful consideration of all the possible problems that may be involved, you decide you still want to have a family my first advice would be to see your family doctor and explain the situation to him as you have to me. Although I don't know of anything he might be able to do or suggest, medical science is always evolving and if there is any possibilities your doctor is your best hope for finding them.

Best of luck.

Opinion Guy

Single White Female

I have a question and am in need of a good, intelligent opinion. About three months ago I met this guy. We were obviously attracted to one another almost instantly. He and I have went on a few dates. He is my age but just a few months older. I am a virgo and he is an aries. We get along wonderfully, have tons of things in common with each other, and above all have a blast when we're together. He is genuine and kind. (and believe you me, i would know if it was just an act or not) I know I like him and want to attempt to go forward in persuing a relationship. I also know he likes me too. He knows who he is and what he wants. Which is more than i can say about most men his age. the thing is, is that his occupation consumes about 75% of his life. Which is not all a bad thing because he gets to do something that he is not only good at but it's something dear and true to him, as well as me. iI am a very patient and non-greedy person. I have had a bad heart break some time ago and it has brought me to the realization that things are not always what they seem and trust is hard to give when it has been broken. He will go weeks without a hello and i can be sometimes longer before a well anticipated date. As far as physical contact, it has went no further than a passionate kiss. There is pretty much no subject we have left out of conversations. We are very open and honest with each other. Although, deep down i want nothing more than to spend more time with him. In the back of my mind I sometimes think to myself “how hard is it to take five minutes to pick up the phone just to say hey?” although I have to then remind myself that men and women are very different in how they think and comprehend.

So in conclusion my question would be: does he really not have the time, and if so does he wish he did? Or does he indeed have the time, but is just not wanting to spend it getting to know me even better?

Single white female

Dear single white female, if you want my opinion...

It is not the act of a man who wants to pursue a relationship with a woman, to not talk to her or see her for weeks at a time. I'm sorry to say it but he is either happy not to know you better or for some reason hesitant to. If the latter is the case, perhaps it is because you have not expressed more interest in your relationship growing. At least not in a demonstrative way. I realize that in doing so you risk a broken heart again, but that's life unfortunately. You are patient to a fault not pressuring him to spend more time on you or even to talk to you for weeks at a time. If he likes you as much as you like him or as much as you hope he does, you are going to appear disinterested to him. You have no choice but to tell him that you want more time with him and a commitment to spending more time together if you want things to grow. if you continue as you are he might decide to step up to the plate and pursue you, but remember, you are giving him no reason to think you are interested so why would he?

If it turns out he doesn't want a closer relationship there will be some hurt, but it will heal, and you will know where you stand and be able to move on.

Opinion Guy.

I Miss the Man I Met (Just Scared)

I am a 26 year old single mom who just got divorced in June. I was married for 4 years and the last year was pretty bad. My ex-husband and I grew apart communicating cause he worked 2 jobs and his free time was for him. I ended up hanging out with his friend and eventually fell for him. He was funny, smart, good looking, well dressed and complimented me all the time. Well I moved out and in with him.

Things were great for about 6 months and the landlord sold the house and we had 2 weeks to move so we moved in across the street from his parents house and renting out a basement. Its a nice cozy basement but have been here over a year now and he bought a new truck, started up his own business and now his business has slowed down a lot. I am currently taking online courses for medical office assistant and am currently trying to find a job cause I usually work with him, and I have a new car also. I know he could be stressing out about money issues but ! it seems he has no interest in me at all. We have sex once a month, we don't kiss good night and if he does feels like when I see a family member and they kiss me. Their is no romance at all. He always finds ways to avoid just hanging out with me or talking. I have offered to move out but he says no and gives me this sad speach and I fall for it then it goes back to the same way next morning. I have tried talking, being romantic, we even have a hot tub and thats worthless too. Am I just jumping to conclusions or is it time to move on?

I miss the man I met (Just Scared)

Dear I miss the man I met (Just Scared), if you want my opinion...

I wouldn't say you are jumping to conclusions. There definitely seems to be something wrong. But as to whether or not you should move on is not for me to say. That's going to have to be your decision.

It seems to me that you moved in with your newest boyfriend rather early. And I assume that to have even gotten to know him well enough to want to move in with him you must have been having a very serious affair with him while you were with your husband. At least you thought you knew him well enough. In my opinion, if your marriage was as good as over you should have divorced your husband and lived by yourself with your daughter, maybe dating this other fellow and getting to know him better before moving in with him. That would have given everyone time to adjust to the new circumstances without causing as much stress. I'm sure there was plenty of stress to go around even before money matters were involved, for all concerned. Most especially for your children, who should be your major concern.

It must be very hard for your children to suddenly have to adjust to living with this new fellow who is not “Dad”, and they must be baffled as to why the sudden change in their lives. I'm assuming they must be under five years old, and unlikely to understand. It would be difficult enough if Dad were gone and there was just you and them. Along with this they might possibly be dealing with tensions arising from the bitterness arising from your leaving your husband to be with his friend. I can imagine that was a hard blow to him. As well there is likely some guilty feelings on the part of yourself and your new boyfriend. All of these negative things are going to be noticed by your children and will affect them, yourself, your husband and your boyfriend. In fact I'm willing to bet those things have more to do with your present relationship troubles than fiscal concerns or anything else.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be with your boyfriend ever, but maybe you should consider moving out by yourself with your kids until they are comfortable with the situation. You can date your boyfriend. I think you and he as well as your ex may all benefit from some adjustment time. At least that's my opinion. You know your kids and circumstances better than I. Do what you think is best, but keep your children foremost in mind.

Opinion Guy

Tin

Hi. I am 21 years old, asian. I recently migrated here in U.S. with my family. I am currently working in one of the famous retail stores in our area. I have a crush on our operations manager. I really wanted to let him know about it. For a week we tried to email each other. He didn't know it was me. It was too close to the point that I was about to let him know who I am. unfortunately, one day I heard his friend talking to another employee about this ‘someone” emailing the operations manager. I easily got the idea that the operations manager is sharing all the messages to his close friends. I was disappointed. but I still like him up to now. I have this feeling that he likes me too but I'm not that sure. Also, I am planning to transfer to another work two weeks from now. It just bothers me, what's gonna happen next if I let him know? Will he broadcast it to all the employees? And what if I don't tell him, then I'll be wondering all through my life what could have happened if it 's the other way around. Please give me some advice. I am really confused.

Dear tin, if you want my opinion....

I think that if you decide you do still like him you should let him know by expressing interest in him. Talk to him. See how he responds, start a closer less formal relationship. Since you will be working elsewhere soon there should'nt be any inter office relationship complications to be concerned about, if your interest is returned. I don't think it is necessary to tell him that you are the anonymous emailer. But if he works that out on his own you may have to admit that you are to keep from being dishonest with him.

As far as his telling close friends that he has gotten anonymous emails, I don't think that he was necessarily being indiscreet about it. Unless you managed to build a relationship in your emails where he led you to believe you could trust him not too tell others, or he knew that the writer of the emails was someone within the office. How intimate were the emails? How much of the content of the emails did he disclose? If he only told them that there was a mystery admirer emailing him I don't think he was intentionally betraying a trust. If he did disclose more than is appropriate maybe he is untrustworthy and not worth your attentions. But that's for you to decide.

Good luck in your endeavors and in your new position.

Opinion Guy

ANONYMOUS

Hello. I just need your honest opinion. I'm a 21 year old, Asian female. R is a half white(American), half Russian male and is turning 21 in a week. D is a 20 year old, half black, half Greek male.

I've been going out with R for a year, but we have broken up a few times during that period. Well, once time my boyfriend took me to his Easter church service, and this guy D came to introduce himself. He caught my eyes right away for he was/still is the most gorgeous looking person I've ever seen in my whole life. But I didn't have any feelings for him other than his physical appearance because I had already been happy with R. But I'd always thought he was so cute and remember him sometimes. I've never liked anybody while I'm in a relationship with somebody else before, or liked somebody just because of his looks.

It was bearable until my boyfriend lied to me and betrayed me. He didn't exactly cheat on me, but he went close, and there was a period of time he would hide me from his friends. We broke up, and I was pretty upset about it for a while, so I tried to hate him because it seemed to be the easiest way to give up on him. While we weren't together, I ran into D at Kroger, who was working there. We talked for a little bit, and I found out that not only was his looks good but also he had a very nice personality. After that I just exploded. I started dreaming about him every day. And after 2 months R came back to convince me to get back with him and solved all the misunderstanding.

I went back with him believing that it would be the right decision. R is very sweet, and I can tell he loves me so very much. I was hoping that R would try hard to win my heart back and that I would eventually forget about D. But sometimes he does small things that disappoint me so much. I know nobody is perfect, but what he does can bear a very stressful time for me sometimes. One day he asked me which one of his friends I thought was the cutest. So we picked one of each other's friends just based on their looks, and of course I picked D. R thought it was so funny that I had thought D was cute because he says that D is the dorkiest person he knows. R knows both me and D very well, and told me jokingly that D and I were so much alike and would get along in a second.

Well things happened yesterday. R suddenly wanted some ice cream and decided to go to Kroger, knowing D works there. I'd been there many times to see him, but he was never there. But yesterday as soon as R and I got out the car, we ran into D. We walked with him for a minute, but my heart was beating so fast. I thought the excitement was over then, but turned out that 2 of my best friends who also knows D happened to stop by the same Kroger 2 hours after I had been there. They somehow came up with this idea and went to see D to tell him about me, hoping they could hook him up with me. D eventually figured out the person my friends were talking about was me. And he said, “I can't do that because she goes with my friends. Besides I'm not ready for a relationship.” My friends told me what they had done right away, so I went back to see D with one of them. I made him feel so uncomfortable. We talked for about half an hour, but he was worried about R, and he was acting so nervous that he couldn't even look at me in my eyes for longer than 2 seconds. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. I only managed to get his e-mail address and asked him if we could be friends.

D's graduating from a community college next summer or fall, and then will go to Boston to learn to become a priest.(We are in Memphis, TN by the way.) Ok, so now I know for sure that I have no hope with D, even though I'd never thought I did anyway. Even if a miracle happens and he asked me out or something, it's only a little over half a year we can spend time together unless he gives up on his dream. Even if we somehow managed to stay in love, I just can't be a priest's wife because my mom is a Buddhist.

I'm very confused. For the past few months I've been thinking about D so much more than R. I know it's only a weird crush I have on D, and it's love R has for me. I feel so guilty for having this secret admiration that I can't help. But every time I think about D, I feel so excited and feel my heart gets tighten up with these unspeakable feelings. I used to feel that way for R too, but since we spent so much time and went through a lot, now I know everything about him, and even when he's not around I can pretty much guess what he would be doing or thinking. It's more like bond than love. There's nothing mysterious about R, so I guess in a bad way, I'm getting tired of him. But I'll be such an awful person if I dumped him. And I know even if I dumped him, I probably won't have any hope with D.

But I'm just tired of lying to myself. So last night I told him what my friends had done and how I had really been feeling. He first asked me if I was ready to dump him, but I didn't know what to do and felt so sorry for him, so I said no. He stayed silent for a very long time and said, “I'm sad for now, but it's ok. I have nothing to worry about because D is a good friend, and I know he'll respect me, and I can't really blame you for liking him because he's such a good person.” I feel so bad now. I want to love R again, but the thoughts about D keep getting in my way. I kinda feel that maybe I just need some time to be a single. But I don't know. One of my friends told me I should keep what I already have, who loves me. But on the other hand, a bunch of my other friends told me that they'd thought D was just alright, below average, grose, and etc... all the bad comments on his looks. I thought he was so cute that I would never have a chance, but it might not be true. Most of the people I know have told me I had weird taste in the past anyway. So maybe, maybe, maybe, I might be able to go on just one date with him????? Then I'll be sooo happy. I'll be happy for good if I can just be friends with him. But when I think like this, I get sick of myself thinking selfishly. D is so handsome that I can cry, but I never thought R was a drop dead gorgeous. I just always thought he was cute because his personality comes out. Both D and R are good people. D doesn't wanna be with me mostly because of R, but they are just friends from church and were never really so close to each other. But some guys just don't want to date his friend's ex???

What am I supposed to do? Who should I choose? R? D? Or neither?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, if you want my opinion...

As far as D is concerned, what can you hope to achieve by pursuing him? You wrote yourself that there is no real chance of a relationship. And unless there's a priesthood I am unaware of your concerns about not being a priest's wife are pointless, unless the Vatican suddenly allows their priests to marry. If you can't see any long term relationship with D pursuing a short one with him other than friendship can only have more negative results than positive. You are infatuated with him now and may gain some satisfaction in being with him for a time, but when the relationship ends as you seem to think it will, who will not be scarred. You will have perhaps lost D to his religious convictions. D may suffer guilt and confusion. R will likely be hurt and feel betrayed by you and D. And are you sure that D would want to have a relationship that could only add complications to the life he is choosing?

As far as R is concerned it is up to your best judgement whether you continue to see him or not but remember he has been good to you and faithful since your first trouble and getting back together. Consider this before doing something that will break his heart and probably destroy his friendship with D.

I can't tell you who you should choose, or even if you should choose either of them, but I can tell you that you should consider things carefully. Your choices always carry consequences that can effect you and others and can cause much pain and heartache.

Opinion Guy