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The uncut X-Beacon files March 1998
PaDS to stage Titanic sinking!! Church Rooms to be flooded?Those of you who read last month's column will remember that we left our plucky band of players, adrift on a tide of Chilean red and wild ambition, planning a series of wide-screen spectaculars that Cecil B De Mille would have been proud of. Of course, in the cold light of day, sobriety, realism and the practical limitations of the Institute quickly focused the mind on the possible. And so, after much cool deliberation, we have decided to stage The Sinking of the Titanic... in the Church Rooms. Not on its own, of course: we at PaDS take pride in giving value for money. Titanic will be part of our Spring revue, now suitably christened April Foolery (8.00 pm, 24th and 25th April). But - I hear you cry - surely the Titanic has already been sunk? Yes! But not in the dramatic way we intend to sink it! A cast of thousands, a budget of millions, a billion gallons of water: these are just three of the elements absent from our production. And yet, there will indeed be startling similarities with the current Oscar strewn epic. Like the dramatic moment when an accurate scale model of the Titanic - in our case a survivor from a 1979 Blue Peter competition (another triumph for Fairy Liquid) - collides with a towering iceberg (oh, alright then, a fair sized ice cube) and plunges to the depths of ... quite a deep bath. And what of Kate Winslett, I hear you cry? Can she repeat her triumph in Painswick? You may well ask. All I shall say is that she had her chances: it was not my fault that she was late for the auditions. 'No! Kate, I'm sorry,' I said, 'We have strict rules. No audition, no part. I know it seems hard, love, but we have lots of new members and I just cannot make exceptions!' She begged me; she was in tears; she was on her knees; she was...well, what she was offering me to change my mind, gentle readers, I shall leave to your imagination... Mind you, my ability to respond to Ms Winslett's advances were effectively scuppered as a direct result of last month's column. Alert readers may recall that, in strictest confidence, I recounted a tale about how most organised our new PaDS secretary was. Somehow the good Mrs B found out and in retaliation subjected me to a most thorough and painful bodily reorganisation. I'll spare you the eye watering details; suffice to say that I'm on my best behaviour this month. And wild horses wouldn't drag from me the tale about how she was (type)cast as Third Witch in MacWhatsit - you know, the Scottish Thingy by Shakespeare - and how she replaced the 'Hail to thee, MacB, thou shalt be King hereafter' line with a ten minute tirade to the effect that MacB really should stop being so greedy and just be grateful for what he'd got already and just think himself lucky that he was not some spotty serf with the plague and bad breath and wasn't it high time he settled down and got on with being a proper Thane and stopped gallivanting around the country killing people and if he'd really got so much spare energy he should get a useful job like being a vet or a policeman or at least find himself a nice little hobby, like Highland dancing... Somehow the production never quite got back on track. Where was I? Ah, yes. The auditions. Eventually, after much keen but friendly competition, all the parts were cast and rehearsals began for the dozen or so sketches which make up April Foolery (April 24th and 25th, 8.00 pm at the Church Rooms). Let's take a peek at what goes on at a typical PaDS rehearsal. Picture the scene. The Library Rooms buzz in chaotic pandemonium as half a dozen comedy sketches and monologues try to rehearse in parallel. In one corner, a lone fiddler fiddles in defiant competition with a piano accompaniment which could be 'Cabaret' but probably isn't. In another corner, Frankenstein adjusts his bolt and munches a chocolate biscuit whilst waiting for the Headless Child to find her head. Meanwhile in the noisiest corner, the cast of the Silent Movie bellow stage directions at each other, whilst, centre stage, a Joanna Lumley look-alike argues vociferously with a harassed director about the impossibility of doing the Ab Fab sketch with lemonade instead of real Bollinger. And moving calmly through it all are our two producers, Sally Collick and Catherine Jarrett, both smiling confidently and repeating the Sacred AmDram Mantra, 'It'll be alright on the night... It'll be alright on the night... It'll be alright on the night...' And, of course, it will. Better than alright, in fact; because alongside the sparklingly chuckleworthy April Foolery revue (April 24th and 25th, 8.00 pm at the Church Rooms), there will also be a fascinating martial arts display by the recently formed Painswick and District T'um Fu Society. And as if that were not enough, The Country Elephant will again be providing a splendid buffet supper! And all for is: seats are limited and admission is only by a glass of wine! There must be a catch! There £5.00, including programme bought in advance. So, pop out and pick up a programme now from Painswick Bakery or The Shetland Shop, or phone 01452-812 167 and She-That-Is Most-Organised will organise you one. Jack Burgess Not-Yet-Officially-But-Getting-Quite-Close-To-Being-The-Painswick-Dramatic-Society |
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