Jokes -- Page 2
The following submitted by Sired
Passion
Riley fears bees. When his
mommy saw him killing one, she told him that every being on earth, created by
god, had a right to live. To show him that the bees wouldn't sting him, she tied
him up naked on a tree near a beehive for 24 hours. When she came back the next
day, there was sweat running down Riley's body. She asked him what had happened
and if a bee had stung him. He answered: "No, but has the calf over there
no mother?"
How do you get Riley's brain to
pea size?
Blow it up!
Why does Riley have 5 more
bones in his body than everybody else?
His brain works mechanically.
Riley goes to the zoo and sees
a hedgehog. Suddenly he shouts in admiration: "Look! They even have a
walking cactus!"/P>
What happens if Riley
accidentally swallows a fly?
Suddenly there's a brain in Riley's body.
Riley and Forrest want to
measure the height of a flagpole. Riley climbs arduously up.
Forrest: "We should have knocked it down, it would have been easier to
measure it."
Riley: "Idiot! We need to know the height and not the length!"
Kate steps angrily on a snail
and kills it. Her partner asks her why she did it.
Kate: "This obtrusive thing has followed me all day long!"
Riley's ex-girlfriend is on the
beach with her friend. The friend asks her why she has bruises around her belly
button.
Riley's ex: "Riley is a brain blonde, ya know."
What's red and knocks on the
pane?
Riley in the oven.
What's ugly and turns red if
you push a button?
Riley in a mixer.
If my dog was as ugly as Riley,
I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards.
The following submitted by Buffyfan100@aol.com
Riley: "Sometimes i get so
depressed I want to drown myself."
Buffy: "What stops you?"
Riley: "I cant swim."
The following submitted by Lexi
Angel returned to Buffy
announcing that he had somehow become human. Buffy returned to Angel and dumped
Riley. The next day Angel got a phone call. It was a mysterious woman.
"Stay away from Buffy," the voice was very girly and high pitched.
It kept happening for about three days when Angel decided he should just change
his phone number. On his way to the Telus shop, he ran into Riley.
In a girly voice he says, "I got my vocal cords fixed. My other voice was
too girly for me."
Angel was a little bit scared but he recognized the new voice from some where.
"Oh yeah, and I thought I told you to stay away from Buffy!"
QUESTION: What happened when
Angel punched Riley?
ANSWER: Riley's nose broke his fist.
QUESTION: What is the
difference between Kate and a female dog?
ANSWER: Not much
The following dubmitted by Vikki
of David Boreanaz
Ultimate
What happened to the vampire
who punched Riley in the nose?
Riley's nose broke his fist.
The following submitted by Anat
(again!)
Riley is so stupid he tried to
kill a vampire with a plastic stake!
(of course when it didn't work he covered it with saying next time it won't
be plastic.. haha)
Why was the ep Riley left
called "Into The Woods"?
Because Riley's helicopter crushed INTO THE WOODS after the end credits!
What do Riley and a flying
balloon have in common?
Both are just airheads
What else do Riley and a
balloon have in common?
Inside them both there's nothing but air
What's the difference between
Riley and an inflatable doll?
An inflatable doll has 3 dimensions.
What's the difference between
Riley and cardboard?
Cardboard has at least have ONE dimension!
What do riley and sperm have in
common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Why did riley pay the vampires
to suck him?
Hey, even vampires have standards!
Two cannibals ate Riley for
dinner and afterwards they both had food poisoning. The first one told his
friend: "I told you he tasted fishy!"
Riley and two of his Initiative
friends were drinking in a pub. His friends were talking about the amount
of control they have over their girlfriends, while Riley remained quiet.
After a while one of the first two turned to Riley and said: "Well, what
about you? What sort of control do you have over your girlfriend?"
Riley said: "I'll tell you. Just the other night my girlfriend came
to me on her hands and knees!"
His friends were impressed: "Wow! What happened then?"
Riley took a healthy swig of his beer, sighed, and muttered: "She said,
'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'."
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