Riley: Dont make fun. I
worked long and hard to get this pompous.E#060;/font>
Beer Bad:
[Buffy bumps into him]
Riley: That's okay you know, but most people go around. I'm not saying you can't
go through me, It's just that the other is much quicker.
Buffy: In my defense you do take up a lot of space.
Riley: I do.
Riley: I guess maybe I'm old
fashioned but my father says that if you wanna be a gentleman you - [Sees that
she's ignoring him] - don't even care what my father says.
The Initiative
Forrest: Women. Young, nubile,
exciting. Each one a mystery, waiting to be unlocked. Think any of them are
gonna show? 'Cause the party will be lame if we lack for hotties. Professor? You
with me?
Riley : No. I'm with this large pile of ungraded papers, due at 3:00.
Forrest : How are you gonna learn anything if you keep doing schoolwork?
Oh...Check her out. Is she hot, or is she hot?
Riley : She's buffy.
Riley : It's her name, Forrest.
Forrest : You've established first contact? Excellent. What do you think of her?
Riley : I haven't really thought about what I think of her.
Forrest : A girl that cute in the face, and you form no opinion?
Riley : No, I mean, She's all right, I guess. She's just kind of... I don't
know. Peculiar.
Forrest : Peculiar? Hi. Hey, graham, what do you think of the blonde chick?
Mattressable, n'est pas? Riley's not down. Doesn't like her.
Riley : I don't dislike her. She just-- she never feels like she's really there
when you talk to her. I like girls I can get a grip on.
Forrest : I bet you do.
Riley : Not that way. Just a little less ready for takeoff all the time. There's
definitely something off about her.
Graham : Maybe she's Canadian.
Forrest : Didn't she go out with Parker Abrams for about 30 seconds?
Riley : Abrams? Yeah, there's a sign of good taste.
Forrest : Ok, but you've got to admit she's a major league hottie.
Riley : Well, I'm not denying she's easy on the eyes. I'm just saying... Would
you really want to go out with her?
Buffy : You know, for someone
who teaches human behavior, you might try showing some.
Walsh : It's not my job to coddle my students.
Buffy : You're right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with your job.
Walsh : I like her. Riley : Really? You don't think she's a little peculiar?
Forrest : You're kind of like a
moron.
Willow : Oh, Riley. Hi.
Riley : Hi. Gee, I hope I'm not interrupting anything really depressing.
Willow : What's up?
Riley : Right to the point, ok. I was thinking of asking out Buffy.
Willow : She's not here.
Riley : I know. See, I don't know that much about Buffy. But I'm interested in
what she likes, and so far, well, the only thing that I know she likes is you.
Willow : What--what do you want me to do?
Riley : Just tell me something. Anything. Just give me a clue to-- Here, let me
help you with that. Just something that will start us talking, you know? I'm
thinking that "how 'bout them broncos" won't really cut it.
Willow : Ok, say that I help, and you start a conversation. It goes great. You
like buffy, she likes you. You spend time together, feelings grow deeper, and
one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops, And it
feels like the whole world's made for you two, and you two alone, until the day
one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who's now a
broken, hollow, mockery of the human condition.
Riley : Yep, that's the plan.
Willow : I figured it was.
Riley : Oh. Look, if you want to tell me to go to hell, that's ok. Maybe this is
the last thing you want to talk about. I just feel that, well, I've never
courted anyone like Buffy before. I don't think I've ever met anyone like Buffy
before.
Willow : Why should I trust you?
Riley : Just sort of hoping you'd think I have an honest face.
Willow : I've seen honest faces before. They usually come attached to liars.
Riley : All right. I guess I'm not gonna win, here. And I appreciate you wanting
to protect your friend. I guess, uh, she kind of brings that out in people.
Willow : She likes cheese.
Riley : What?
Willow: Well, I'm not saying it's the key to her heart, but Buffy... She likes
cheese.
Riley : That's a start.
Willow : She has a stuffed piggy named Mr. Gordo, loves ice capades without the
irony, and she's dragging me to this party tonight at lowell house.
Riley : Oh, you're going? That's my house. I live there.
Willow : Well, it'll give you a chance to interact, but don't get fresh.
Riley : Fresh? I don't even know if we like each other yet. Hey, does she ever
talk about me? Like, has she ever said...
Willow : Sorry.
Riley : That's discouraging.
Riley : I can't dance.
Willow : Then talk. Keep eye contact. Funny is good, but don't be glib. And
remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague
disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun.
Riley : Hi.
Buffy : Hi.
Riley : Um...Buffy... You do the reading on chapter 9?
Buffy : Uh-huh. (She gives him a look.)
Riley : Wow. Some theories, huh? Cheese?
Riley : It's not like she blew
me off. She just left with another guy, that's all.
Buffy : Riley's a doof. He's
not teutonic.
Buffy : Uh, last night... At
the party, You wanted to tell me something?
Riley : Oh, yeah. Very important stuff. I don't remember any of it now. But you
would have been fascinated, possibly even moved. Did Willow tell you I like
cheese?
Buffy : You're a little peculiar.
Riley : I can live with that.
Pangs
Riley : As long as he knows
about the initiative, he's a threat. We do this the professor's way.
Forrest : (Coughing the words.) Mama's boy.
Something Blue
Riley: Looks good. Oh, hey
Buffy.
Buffy: Is there something you want to tell me?
Riley: What? Oh, yes, I am a lesbian.
Buffy: Well, it's good that you're so open about it.
Riley: Oh, hey, you know how we were talking about having a picnic? I was
thinkin' ... do you ever hang out at Rhode's field? It's beautiful there.
Usually not that crowded, either. I thought maybe we could have a little spread
... sandwiches, maybe some ants? It'll be fun.
Buffy: We were talking about having a picnic?
Riley: So, was that a conversation I actually had, or one I was just practicing?
Buffy: Practicing?
Riley: Okay, yes ... I have been known to do a little prep work before our
conversations. It's not easy, you know, talking to you sometimes. It's like an
oral exam.
Buffy: Boy.. that's just what every girl longs to hear.
Riley: Well, you're tricky!
Buffy: Like an exam?
Buffy: Riley, look ... aren't
they beautiful?
Riley: Um, yeah.. they're nice. A little dressy, maybe.. for school, but..
Buffy: Riley..
Riley: Buffy?
Buffy: I really like you. I hope you know that you mean a lot to me, and if
things were different...
Riley: Different than what?
Buffy: I want you to promise me that we can always be friends, and I'd really
like you to be there on "The Day".
Riley: The day when..
Buffy: The wedding!
Riley: The wedding. What wedding?
Buffy: My wedding! I'm getting married ... can you believe it?
Riley: I don't think "no" is a strong enough word.
Buffy: I know! It's crazy! I mean, we fought for all these years, and then..
Sometimes you just look at someone, and you know.. You know?
Riley: No..
Buffy: I think maybe we fought because we couldn't admit how we really felt
about eachother.
Riley: Can we start again?
Buffy: You'll really like him. Well, nobody really likes him..
Riley: I just need to clear a few things up..
Buffy: I don't even really like him..
Riley: Buffy..
Buffy: But.. I love him. I do.
Riley: Who?
Buffy: What?
Riley: What's his name?
Buffy: Who?
Riley: The groom.
Buffy: Spike!
Riley: That's a name?
Buffy: Don't be mad.
Riley: I'm not mad!
Buffy: No, you are mad!
Riley: No, I am! Er.. I really.. Wow. Who is this guy? Does he go here?
Buffy: Spike? Oh, no.. He's totally old.
Riley: Old.
Buffy: Well, not as old as my last boyfriend was.
Riley: Okay.. It's late.. and I'm, I'm very tired now. So, I'm just gonna go far
away and be.. away.
Buffy: But...
Riley: No, stay.
Doomed
Buffy: "Somebody should
speak before one of us graduates."
Riley: "What are you?"
Buffy: "Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You?"
Riley: "Sorry. That came out a little blunter than I intended. It's just...
you are amazing! Your speed, your strength."
Buffy: "Also passionate, artistic and inquisitive. Who are you?"
Riley: "You know who I am. The rest... what I do... I can't tell you."
Buffy: "Well, then let me. You're part of some military monster squad that
captures - demons, vampires, probably have some official sounding euphemisms for
them, - like unfriendlies or : non sapiens."
Riley: "Hostile Sub Terrestrials."
Buffy: "So you deliver these HST's to a bunch of lab coats, who perform
experiments on them, which among other things turn some into harmless little
bunnies. How am I doing so far?"
Riley: "A little too well."
Buffy: "Meanwhile by day you pretend to be Riley Finn, corn-fed Iowa boy.
Ever been to Iowa, Riley? God, if that's even your name."
Riley: "It is, born and raised. And hey! Bulletin: I'm not the only one
who's been a little less than honest here."
Buffy: "I thought a professional demon chaser like yourself would have
figured it out by now. - I'm the Slayer. Slay-er? - Chosen One. She who hangs
out a lot in cemeteries? - You're kidding. Ask around. Look it up: Slayer comma
the."
Riley: "And you fight demons. I mean, you wailed on those guys."
Buffy: "You did pretty well yourself."
Riley: "But I'm a walking bruise today. You see me with my clothes off I
look like... I mean... I have...bruises... I don't see a scratch on you."
Buffy: "You're not looking hard enough."
Riley: "I'm looking pretty hard. ...So then... What do we do?"
Buffy: "I don't know. - I just... I really thought that you were a nice,
normal guy."
Riley: "I am a nice, normal guy."
Buffy: "Maybe by this town's standards but I'm not grading on a curve.
Riley: "What's a
Slayer?"
Forrest: "Slayer? Thrash Band. Anvil handed guitar band with delusions of
Black Sabbath."
Riley: "No. A girl, with powers."
Forrest: "Oh. *The* Slayer. Oh, yeah, I've heard of the Slayer."
Riley: "Fill me in."
Forrest: "Well, the way I got it figured the Slayer is like some kind of
boogey man for the Subterrestrials, something they tell their little spawn to
make them eat their vegetables and clean up their slime pits."
Riley: "You're telling me she doesn't exist."
Forrest: "Oh, wait a sec. Am I bursting somebody's bubble here? Maybe this
is a bad time to tell you about...the Easter-bunny? Sorry, sorry, it's a myth,
Rye. All part of that medieval folklore garbage kooks dream up to explain things
we deal with every day."
Riley: "How do *you* explain the things we deal with, Forrest?"
Forrest: "They're just animals, man, plain and simple. Granted they're a
little rarer than the one's you grew up with on that little farm in Smallville..."
Forrest: "Okay, that makes
0 for a billion. You don't got game, son."
Buffy: "Where did it
go?"
Riley: "I saw it take off towards the woods."
Buffy: "And you didn't follow it?"
Riley: "No weapons, no backup, you don't go after a demon that size by
yourself."
Buffy: "I do."
Riley: "Base one, this is
lilac one."
Buffy: "Lilac?"
Buffy: "Riley, I just...
can't."
Riley: "Can't talk?"
Buffy: "Can't any of it. - I can't be with you. - It's just a huge, black
pit of a mistake and I can't go there again."
Riley: "Again? You've dated me before?"
Buffy: "No! Look I was involved... You don't know what my life is
like."
Riley: "But I'm dying to find out."
Buffy: "Dying being the operative word here. Okay, there is too much risk.
There is too much... It's just doomed! And I can't do doomed *again* right now.
Sorry."
Riley: "I-I don't understand where this is coming from. I know you like me.
And it's not like we don't have anything in common."
Buffy: "But that's not enough."
Riley: "Buffy, I'm thrown by this, I'm confused... - But I can feel my skin
humming, my hands, my every inch of me. I've never been this excited about
anybody before. I'm not trying to scare you, and I'm not going to force myself
on you. But I'm, by God, not going to walk away because I think it *might* not
work. I don't know what's happened in your past..."
Buffy: "Pain, death, apocalypse. None of it fun. ...Do you know what
a Hellmouth is? Do you have a fancy term for it? Because I went to high school
on it, for three years. We do not have that much in common. This is a job to
you."
Riley: "It's not just a job."
Buffy: "It's an adventure, great. But for me, it's destiny. It is something
that I can't change, something that I can't escape. I'm stuck!"
Riley: "You don't *have* to be. You're not in high school anymore. You
*can* change things."
Buffy: "Riley, no."
Riley: "I know it may seem..."
Buffy: "Riley! My answer is no."
Riley: "Right. I'm on it,
too. It's just - this thing, this you and me thing, it's Stupid!"
Buffy: "I know. Which is why we can't do it, the you and me thing."
Riley: "No, I mean you're stupid. I mean... I don't mean that. ...No, I
think maybe I do."
Buffy: "Wow, with sweet talk like that, you'll definitely melt my
reservations."
Riley: "I'm serious. You have this twisted way of looking at things, this
doom and gloom mentality. You keep thinking like that and things will probably
turn out just the way you expect."
Buffy: "You know there is nothing more dangerous than a
psych-grad-student."
Riley: "Well, hey!
Willow...and Xander, right? Jeez, what are the chances, huh? Yeah, I was just
passing by when I thought I heard people inside."
Willow: "Passing by in your GI Joe outfit?"
Buffy: "No offence, but you do look wicked conspicuous."
Riley: "I do? But it's...Paintball! Yeah, I was playing paintball. And then
the aftershocks..."
Xander: "So you're one of the commando guys, huh?"
Riley: Oh, no, no, no, no. Commando? No, I mean... (To Spike) Don't I know
you?"
Spike: "Me? (In a bad Texan accent) No. No, sir. I'm just an old pal of
Xander's here."
Riley: "Oh. That's nice."
A New Man
Walsh: "Agent Finn here,
alone, has killed or captured-- how many is it?"
Riley: "Seventeen. Eleven vampires, six demons."
Buffy: "Oh... Wow. I mean, that's...seventeen."
Riley: "Turns out I
suddenly find myself...suddenly needing to know the plural of
"apocalypse"."
Xander: "Riley is a
commando and Professor Walsh is in charge."
Giles: "Professor Walsh!? That fishwife!?"
Buffy: "I sort of kicked
him across the room last night."
Willow: "Uh, that's not good."
Buffy: "Well, we were sparring and he said not to hold back. And he's a
little dented. But he said he was okay with it and I think he's okay with it
-do-do you think he's okay with it?"
Willow: I'm sure he is. I mean, if he's not... you know, you had to do it. He's
right. You can't walk around pretending you're less than you are. It wouldn't be
right for you to hold back."
Buffy: "Right..."
Willow: "What?"
Buffy: "I held back a little."
Riley: "Buffy. Earlier,
when I talked to Professor Walsh, she gave me very specific orders."
Buffy: "Yeah?"
Riley: "She said when we located the demon I...I'm not supposed to bring
you along."
Buffy: "Oh."
Riley: "Uh, what are you doing?"
Buffy: "I'm *going* to the car."
Riley: "Buffy, I can't take you with me."
Buffy: "You're not taking me with you. I am going and I am letting you come
along."
Riley: "Buffy, it's not really your call. This is a military operation
now."
Buffy: "Then call out the troops. Because nothing less than that is gonna
stop me."
Riley to Buffy: "You're
really strong. Like Spider-Man strong."
The 'I' in Team
Xander: "Well... The thing
is...I think Riley is...okay, in an oafish kind of way."
Riley: "That's our cue.
Mother wants us."
Buffy: "What do you mean
she liked me before you did?"
Riley: "Uh..."
Buffy: "You didn't like me?"
Forrest: "It just isn't
right."
Graham: "He made you team leader, didn't he?"
Forrest: "That's not the point. I've always been Riley's second in command.
Instead he picks a girl."
Graham: "His girl."
Forrest: "Whatever! Three guesses on what that boy is thinking with."
More coming eventually!
