Jokes Zone

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual checkup.
The doctor asks him how he's feeling.
The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better.
I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and says,

"I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.
One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry,
he accidentally picked up his umbrella rather than his gun.
When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water.
He raised his umbrella and went, "Bang, bang", and the beaver fell over dead.
What do you think of that?"

The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said "today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach.
Whatever word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind.

The pastor shouted out, "Cross."
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross".
The pastor hollered out "Grace."
The congregation began to sing "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound."
The pastor said "Power."
The congregation sang "There is Power in the Blood."

The Pastor said "Sex."
The congregation fell in total silence.
Everyone was in shock.
They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden way from in the back of the church a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing
"Precious Memories."

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.
They determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them asclergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought somereally outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist"garb.
They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine andthe scenery.
When a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them.
They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father",

"Good morning, Father", nodding and addressing each of them individually,then passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? They asked each other.
The next day, they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits.
These were so loud, you could hear them before you even sawthem.
Once again the two priests in mufti settled on the beach in their chairsto enjoy the sunshine etc.

After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.
Again, she approached them and greeted them individually with
"Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said,
"Just a minute young lady."
"Yes?", she replied.
"We are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the worlddid you know we are priests?."
"Father, it's me, Sister Angela," she replied.

An attractive young woman was waiting at a crowded city bus stop.
She was decked out in a rather tight skirt with matching boots and jacket.

As the bus rolled up, and it became her turn to get on,
she realized that her skirt was too tight to allow her to make the first step on the bus.

So, slightly embarrassed, she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little
thinking that this would give her enough slack to get her leg up to the first step.
Again she tried but the skirt was still too tight.

Even more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more.
For a second time she attempted the step, and once again just couldn't get her foot that high.

It was just as she was reaching behind her a third time that this big Texan right behind her
picked her up from the waist and placed her lightly on the step.

Well, she was not happy to be manhandled and turned on the would-be hero,
"You have no right to touch me, mister! I don't even know you!"

At this the Texan drawled:
"Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my pants three times,
I kind a figured that we was friends."

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