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Outdoors —
Indoors —
Extreme —
Employment — Real
Estate — For
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Personals —
Games —
Polls |
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Metro |
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Now
I just play with stinky feet all day, “Angelicus admits,” but I’ll touch
anything stinky for money.” |
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Angelicus
retires Gets
job at VA Hospital Angelicus finally
retired from the US Army and with that fat government retirement paycheck in
hand, recently accepted another cushy government job at a Veterans
Administration hospital in Ohio.
Now Angel gets TWO checks from the government every month, your taxpayer
dollars in action. “I werk hard for it,”
he explains. “All day long, I do
ingrown toe nail surgery and treat foot fungus. On a really busy day, I might assist
with penis reduction surgeries or breast enhancement
prep.” Angel says his foot
fetish makes the job so much more enjoyable, but double dipping into that big
pot of federal funds is the best perk.
“This is the life,” he says, “taking Uncle Sam to the
cleaners!” |
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Man
arrested for bigamy; Admits
he has six wives |
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Identified
by police as the infamous “Tie Dyes the Knot” (left), suspect is shown here in family photo
with his six wives at a Hooters Bar in Texas (above). |
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State Bureau of
Investigation officers in Texas and Oregon finally caught renegade bigamist “Tie
Dyes the Knot” after months of lengthy investigations and unsuccessful raids of
homes and bars in both states. The
fugitive was arrested at a Hooters Bar in Waco, Texas last week in a major SBI
sting operation. “We’ve been looking
for this guy for a long time,” says Texas SBI Agent I. P. Freely. “He’s a pretty slippery character—we
came close to catching him a couple of times but he always managed to be one
step ahead of us.” SBI investigators in
both states pieced together clues by monitoring a popular website frequented by
a group of American subversives, foreigners, retards, misfits and wild
women. Freely declined to specify
which website for security reasons. Also arrested in the
sting operation were the six wives: Ratcha Kockoff, 24, of Bulgaria; Anzie Panz,
26, of Germany; Clovers Patch, 32, of England; Seymour Harry, 22, also of
England; Dixie Normus, 25, of Texas; and Boday Shustatas, 28, of North
Dakota. “The foreign women will
most likely be deported,” Freely says, “since these marriages are illegal under
US law.” Freely said several of
the wives will also face charges of resisting arrest and is considering charging
one with assault on a police officer.
“I don't understand what kind of hold this guy had on these women,” he
says. “They fought us tooth and
nail to protect him.” “Tie Dye is not like
other men,” says Kockoff. “I have
known many men in my life, but not one like him. I did not mind to share him, for all of
us to shave him and take turns being with him. He’s enough man to handle all of us,
over and over again. He is what you
Americans might call a magic man with Roman hands and Russian
fingers!” |
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Electronic
emissions from Bored board causing pregnancies |
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The Bored @ Werk
regulars seem to be producing like rabbits lately, a mystery that’s garnered
much speculation but only recently solved by computer engineers at
Geocities. “We’ve discovered
unusual static activity emitting from that particular site over the past three
years,” explains Ram Buttz, director of operations. “After extensive testing, we’ve
concluded that explicit content and sexual innuendos is electronically
transmitting waves of cyberkinetic energy that is stimulating sex hormones in
the participants.” |
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“This
baby thing played havoc on my perfect figure.” —Smart Assets |
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Buttz confessed that
experts were stumped by the emissions and have blocked the board several times
for testing. “We simply could not
understand why this site hummed with these strange emissions while others did
not,” he says. “Recent
breakthroughs in software and hardware technology helped us solve the mystery
and determine the cause.” |
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“I knew something
strange was going on,” says Jeenda, now pregnant with twins. “It seems everybody is having babies and
then I turn up pregnant with twins!” “I’m not complaining,”
Smart Assets says. “I’m just
thrilled with my new baby girl and confident I’ll be back to my old perfect
Nubian goddess self in no time.” “My wife only looked
at the site once or twice two years ago and look what happened,” exclaims X
Wing. “But I’m very happy with my
little girl—if we ever get past the Terrible Twos!” “Maybe I should let
Barbara start reading the board,” says DB.
“We’ve been married long enough now. With all the recent activity, I think
it’s a good time for us to spend time together on Bored @ Werk. Maybe we will get lucky soon. I guess this means no more flings with
Susse and Queen.” |
