Yo ma bitches. Its sunday and I'm bored, so thought that an update on the adventures of Jamie A Luxford would be in order. Just got back from the river Kwai, where the bridge is and all the POWs died. The place itself is dead nice, really quiet and laid back - a complete contrast to Bangkok, so is an ideal place to chill for a couple of days, before braving the hecticness of the capital again. Getting there was fun, the minibus was driven by a couple of teenage psychopaths - so not all that different from the driving in BK then - and my hangover did not help. The night before I left for the river Kwai (actually Khwae, smartass alert) got taken to a party in a block of flats by a girl who works in the travel agency near the guesthouse - absolutely gorgeous and original gender (the fact that she drives a BMW M3 didn't harm matters either) and met a group of belgains who poisoned me with a concoction of eau de vie, whiskey, beer, champaine (?) and rum and port (and those present at 829 will be relieved to hear that its only taken 2 years). So high speed minibus antics were not called for. Anyhoo my guesthouse was actually on the river kwai in a floating raft which was dead nice, but potentially lethal when pissed, but was a bit noisy due to the disco rafts that take partying thais up and down the river (remember the marchioness?!). Went to the war graves cemetary, and arrived at the same time as a group of Thai schoolkids, who must have mistaken me for Gary Glitter, as about 20 insisted on having their foto taken with me - hey its hard being an international playboy! - then went to a museum, which was very disturbing. About 16,000 allied POWs died in constructing the Death railway, but its a little-known fact that about 100,000 conscripted Thais, Malays and Indonesians died also, having been forced to work by the Japs. It was also River Kwai week, so also got to see a great firework display on the bridge. Next day we went on a trek, and did nellifant riding, bamboo rafting and swimming in waterfalls, and saw Hellfire pass, which is a cutting made in the hills by Aussie POWs, with only hand tools, which has to be seen to be believed, and saw the museum there - nice people the japs. Lunch was at some hot springs, which were gorgeous and next to a cold river, but was disturbed by two dogs shagging under our table, hilarity ensued when a third interevened, leaving the amorous pair locked together, two sides then appeared in our group - the girls said "oh no look, she's in distress, it's not funny" whilst the blokes said "nuts to that his chopper is pointing the wrong way and he's howling". Which was pretty funny really. I'm here for the Kings birthday - he's 72 and its his 50th year in charge, so more fireworks tonite, before heading off to the old capital of Ayuthaya, which is supposed to be amazing. Bit of a party in the bar last night, which was made even funnier by watching the advances of one of the ladyboys who hangs around occasionally (and is easy to tell) towards a bloke sitting near me, who became more amorous as he drunk more, just as they were leaving he smiled at me and winked, so I said "fine figure of a man you have there" "vot you saying" came the reply "oh er.. you lucky man" was all I could say really, "ya she nice" was the response. Still makes me laugh 12 hours on. Oh was reading the Bangkok post the other day and it transpires that 1 kraut a week dies in Bk from popping Viagra and performing strenouos bedrobics with young thai girls, and included quotes from an embarressed ambassidor - now if only a tourist intiative could be set up...... Ho hum, will mail y'all soon, take care TTFN J