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I was a Sophomore in highschool, hanging with
my buddy Eric's Sister and her Lovely friends, I was starting to pull away from being a shy person around girls. It all started with one Lame Pick up line "I'm not wearing Any panties" which coming from a girl can be very kinky and erotic, but coming from a scrawny pubescent male, can only make you sick, or laugh. The first and most common victim of this was Lianna. A beautiful and sweet girl I have been blessed to know. I use to put my arm around her, and sounding way overly confident I said, "I'm not wearing any panties." She would turn, put her delicate hands on my shoulders, and giggle, as if what I said was witty and charming, her face would then turn from a gleeful look to one of utter disgust as she would push away and say abruptly "NO!" This went on for a good week or so, and even though it seemed like I was being rejected everytime, it always made us laugh. And if I pouted enough I'd still get a hug from Lianna, which meant a lot to me in those days (all my hugs I recieved were sacred). Eventually I tried new lines. As I kept trying lines, I would get the same response, but I learned more and more new lines, and there were other gibeerls I would test the lines on. After a matter of months I collected over 200 pick up lines. It was amazing, I acctually typed them, saved them and printed out a copy to keep in my wallet to use as a cheat sheet to use on women I was meeting. I would put stars next to the ones that worked well, and three stars next to ones that were almost full proof. |
The Fiancee List
A summer spent in Okeechobee, it was another boring summer with my dad. I was in an RV most of the day, I watched lots of TV, listened to a lot of CDs over and over again, and I was happily busy writing real letters to my friends back in Colorado. One day, as I was alone, and pondering odd thoughts that I ussually ponder. One was me wondering the outcome of me proposing to a girl I know. So before I went back to colorado I bought a bunch of rings from the twenty five cent vending machines. When I first got home the first girl I knew that I was was my friend Bev, I got down on one knee and proposed to her, and well surpisingly she said "yes". It was great, I gave her the ring, and through the next couple of weeks, I was accumilating more rings and asking more girls, I was getting more No's then Yes's but it was wonderful to hear so many women say yes to little ol' me. Eventually I ran out of girls that I knew well enough to propose to, and I started asking girls I had crushes on, girls I knew had crushes on me, and people I just met. Word was getting around that I was the guy with the load of fiances. It was my claim to fame next to the pick up lines, and the ramblings of a naked man. I was being known for what I did, moreso than what I looked like or even by my real name. During the Middle of my senior year I stopped collecting fiances as frequently as I was before. When I moved to Jacksonville, a wonderful girl asked me why I didn't propose to her, so I proposed to her and started collecting fiances again.
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