feeling very much like the country bumpkin who has just stepped into the heart of a city. what have i been missing?

march 28, 2003

car=freedom?

the automobile is the source of so many enviromental and social ills. and yet many alleged environmentalists (myself included) are loath to give up this aspect of our lives. our excuse? that our civil infrastructure requires cars. but really, i think it has to do with freedom. the american dream.

march 28, 2003.

more anti war humour, link courtesy of my friend rich.

march 27, 2003

a collection of random thoughts for your pleasure today:

good news! some 16 folks who had been suffering from sars have just been released from the hosptal. as such a totalitarian government should, singapore has orchestrated massive quarantines and shut down all of its schools. i must admit that singapore intrigues me quite a bit.

the cdc also published a summary of the sars investigation. Makes for a very fascinating read, for those who are so inclined. Included in the article is this table which looks like something out of a murder investigation or something. maybe i should move to atlanta?

on a more personal note, i feel the need to remind myself: to fail after trying, that is one thing; but to not even try for fear of failure? I have repeated this to myself over and over, and yet still i sit unmoving, awaiting motivation. forgetting that motivation comes from within, and no where else.

on less profound but equally important note, i look forward to a weekend in l.a. with new friends. this sunday shall find me sipping mimosas in the hot southern california sun.

finally, lotr fans, take note.

march 26, 2003

a thoughful and i think for some uncomfortable to read article by ryan, one of the most fearless and independent thinkers i know, combined with a rather scathing criticism of michael moore's oscar outburst have made me realize how much lip service i give to my own "amen chorus." we become complacent here in the bay area, where you are pretty much guaranteed that if you make an anti-bush or anti-war statement, no matter how obtuse or insipid, you will receive a round of sympathetic glances. such constant gratification lulls us into thinking that we are Right, that somehow we have stumbled upon The Truth. such an attitude leads people to do brash and hypocritical things, like steal newspapers which might challenge their view, simply because they assume that their monopoly on the truth is absolute and that no one else can possibly know what they are talking about, are clearly misinformed, and are therefore not welcome.

demonstrations are a wonderful thing, and not too long ago i gushed sentimentally about our right as citizens to hold them. but now i think that they are really just the first step. yeah, we grabbed the attention of the war advocates; the question is, what are we going to do about it? or is it just another case of, "oh yeah, protesters in san francisco. they're always protesting *something*."

if we really wanted to end the war shouldn't we all move to texas? shouldn't we dispatch ourselves into "enemy" territory? shouldn't we engage in logical and well informed discourses?

march 25, 2003

though this story as faded out of mainstream media in favor of war reports, there have been many interesting developments in the sars investigation.

in summary: last week, the paramyxovirus was isolated in many tissue samples of patients identified with sars. however, the cdc was unable to identify any such virus in the u.s. cases, but has, in fact, isolated a suspicious coronavirus. this finding has been confirmed with international labs making this virus a more likely candidate than the paramyxovirus was.

several interesting things:

according to this chart published by the who, the u.s. has the fourth largest number of cases worldwide, and the largest number outside of asia. historically, the u.s. has remained unassailed by war because of its distance from the rest of the world. Terrorism and increased efficacy of long distance weaponry have started to change that. but it seems we are made most vulnerable by the amount of international air travel and the potential there for importation of new pathogens. the data for local transmission of sars has not yet been determined. such data, in my mind, might go towards analyzing the efficiency of the medical

the cdc has also reported "unprecedented cooperation" between international medical facilities and organizations. the need for such cooperation might seem blatantly obvious to you and i, but in the past apparently there has been much competition between nations to be the first to isolate and discover a new disease. does the current war play any role in forming that spirit of collaboration? how will the shift in the world's power paradigm affect the roles of the cdc and the who?

from what i understand, both the isolated coronavirus and the paramyxovirus, whether they are the cause of sars or not, potentially represent new genera. so while the infection may in fact be contained, which is why this story is no longer in the news, the work of world health officials is only just beginning. what is the etiology and pathology? where did it come from? what is the reservoir, and why did it suddenly transmit to humans? why have we never seen it before?

as yet, no treatment options have been endorsed by the cdc or who. of all organizations, the dept of defence has offered to help culture and test the efficacy of antiviral drugs. that they have a wealth of information on viruses and diseases that is classified top secret, from research they have conducted in biological warfare, i have no doubt. how much of their cooperation can we count on? and maybe it's the paranoid in me, but the u.s. government has conducted human radiation experiments in the past and is currently testing new weaponry in the field. these facts are not the sorts of things that instill a lot of trust in one's government.

march 24, 2003

finally my room has begun to look more like a room again and less like the chaos one would expect to find inside a capsized boat. but purging feels good, and has long been overdue. i was surprised at how little attachment i felt to many of the objects i had treasured for so long: old college sweaters, letters from friends, pictures, scraps representing memories. and clothing that i only just now while holding it front of me realized i had never liked. i had only bought them because my ex boyfriend had liked them. but i hadn't kept them all this time for sentimental reasons, but rather because his liking something had caused me to think i liked that thing. and it had only take me a year and a half to realize that i hadn't like it at all. and finally it hit me that it wasn't until i had thrown the clothing item into the "donate" pile with a simple shrug that i had been able to lose his shadow that had been following me all this time.

i think i am finally emerging, much as a newly metamorphosed beetle will dig its way out of the soil. this past year has been incredible for me, a year of contrasts and new extremes. I have both hit rock bottom and gained new heights, gone from complete codependance to willful independance and from temerity to brazen honesty, felt alone in the world to having a network of fast friends. I have been both completely disenchanted and brokenhearted, and been shamelessly in love. my personal growth has gone from a linear graph of slope 0.006 to an exponential curve. sometimes i amaze myself. i'm not trying to say that in the arrogant way that it probably sounds. what i mean is i have discovering so many new things about myself recently, things about me that i had no idea about. this entire time i've been trying to find out who i am, when all i had to do was let myself simply be what i was. and like the beetle, i have entered a new environment, full of new dangers, new possiblities, and new opportunities for self discovery.

life is all about change, and there are never any guarantees for the future. but i have made a crucial decision, to never let fear or doubt cloud my mind again. and finally, i feel i have become someone i can learn to like and respect.

"...and strengths you still haven't seen."

march 21, 2003

i have recently been reminded of dwight eisenhower?s farewell address delivered in 1961. following are relevant excerpts:

?We now stand ten years past the midpoint of a century that has witnessed four major wars among great nations. Three of these involved our own country. Despite these holocausts America is today the strongest, the most influential and most productive nation in the world. Understandably proud of this pre-eminence, we yet realize that America's leadership and prestige depend, not merely upon our unmatched material progress, riches and military strength, but on how we use our power in the interests of world peace and human betterment.?

?...Crises there will continue to be. In meeting them, whether foreign or domestic, great or small, there is a recurring temptation to feel that some spectacular and costly action could become the miraculous solution to all current difficulties. A huge increase in newer elements of our defense; development of unrealistic programs to cure every ill in agriculture; a dramatic expansion in basic and applied research -- these and many other possibilities, each possibly promising in itself, may be suggested as the only way to the road we wish to travel.

But each proposal must be weighed in the light of a broader consideration: the need to maintain balance in and among national programs -- balance between the private and the public economy, balance between cost and hoped for advantage -- balance between the clearly necessary and the comfortably desirable; balance between our essential requirements as a nation and the duties imposed by the nation upon the individual; balance between actions of the moment and the national welfare of the future. Good judgment seeks balance and progress; lack of it eventually finds imbalance and frustration.

...This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence -- economic, political, even spiritual -- is felt in every city, every State house, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society.

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.

...Down the long lane of the history yet to be written America knows that this world of ours, ever growing smaller, must avoid becoming a community of dreadful fear and hate, and be instead, a proud confederation of mutual trust and respect.

Such a confederation must be one of equals. The weakest must come to the conference table with the same confidence as do we, protected as we are by our moral, economic, and military strength. That table, though scarred by many past frustrations, cannot be abandoned for the certain agony of the battlefield.

Disarmament, with mutual honor and confidence, is a continuing imperative. Together we must learn how to compose differences, not with arms, but with intellect and decent purpose. Because this need is so sharp and apparent I confess that I lay down my official responsibilities in this field with a definite sense of disappointment. As one who has witnessed the horror and the lingering sadness of war -- as one who knows that another war could utterly destroy this civilization which has been so slowly and painfully built over thousands of years -- I wish I could say tonight that a lasting peace is in sight.

Happily, I can say that war has been avoided. Steady progress toward our ultimate goal has been made. But, so much remains to be done. As a private citizen, I shall never cease to do what little I can to help the world advance along that road.

.....To all the peoples of the world, I once more give expression to America's prayerful and continuing aspiration:

We pray that peoples of all faiths, all races, all nations, may have their great human needs satisfied; that those now denied opportunity shall come to enjoy it to the full; that all who yearn for freedom may experience its spiritual blessings; that those who have freedom will understand, also, its heavy responsibilities; that all who are insensitive to the needs of others will learn charity; that the scourges of poverty, disease and ignorance will be made to disappear from the earth, and that, in the goodness of time, all peoples will come to live together in a peace guaranteed by the binding force of mutual respect and love.?

this speech sends chills down my spine. it is a dark speech, pierced by a stern ray of hope, and seems incredibly appropriate to me today. in many ways, the 1960?s dawned on a brave new world. the u.s. was wealthy and prosperous, increasingly powerful politcially (despite the danger of the cold war), nuclear energy seemed to promised unlimited energy sources for the future, and the complete eradication of infectious diseases was anticitpated. and yet with eerie accuracy, eisenhower foresaw the path that the u.s. would choose.

it would do us well to heed his warning. with great power comes great responsibility. how we choose to use that power has direct relevance on us as a nation, society, and culture. The danger that he foresaw is not just in our increasingly oppressive and beligerent international politics but also to domestic policy, from increasing debt to pay for the war, increasing reliance on the military industrial complex, and the threat to our civil liberties all in the name of war and safety.

this speech also reflects my own personal struggle to come to terms with the war and the u.s. role in global politics, policy, and culture. i firmly believe that after this conflict in the middle east, the united states will emerge as The Superpower. i am reluctant to give up ideological thoughts that the u.s. acts on moral principles, that there are universal humanitarian rights that should be protected, and who else to champion them but the u.s.? and yet increasingly i have come to conclude that such pursuits are just as oppressive as 19th century imperialism. how arogant of us to say that our paradigm is the best, to conclude that our morals and philosophy somehow reflect some fundamental truth.

but that?s even in the best case scenario. if history is any lesson, the reality of the situation is that we are ultimately out to protect the united states? societal and economic infrastucture. and therefore the very reasons given in support of the war, as outlined in this article by thomas barnett of the u.s. naval war college, become the very reasons why this war is so unjust and should not be executed. and i believe this is the danger that eisenhower, in the blossoming idyll of the 1960?s, heard as distant, encroaching hoofbeats. he speaks of mutual respect, of nations coming to the table as equals. this is hardly what the u.s. stands for now. rather, it has become, ?do it our way, or not at all.? the middle east represents one of the remaining unstable and threatening areas of the world. but rather than learn to work with these nations, rather than accept that they have legitimate right to run their own government, to be hostile to the u.s., we choose to obliterate them and instead install an extension of ourselves.

?...As a private citizen, I shall never cease to do what little I can to help the world advance along that road...?

and now, watching the protests in san francisco on t.v. thrills me to no end. i understand that it hinders business, makes life impossibly inconvenient. one woman, close to tears, blurted out, ?i just want to get to work!?

i have little sympathy for such complaints; that?s the point. war is a disruption in all of our lives, and maybe it?s time that we reprioritized our values. dare to consider the possibility that certain causes might be more important than our daily struggle to make ends meet. civil demostrations are the last weapon left to a society of non militants. how else can we make our voices heard? how else can we express our dissent? let us treasure such events, let us revel in them, and most of all, let us realize when the time is right, we must hold nothing back.

which lead me back to a dream that i had a while back. i envisioned a mass global protest, all citizens who recognize that there is something wrong with the world. we would all unite to rage against the regime. it would not matter if we agreed on any one cause; the point is that we all agree to disagree, to perform a massive power coup against governments world wide. listen to us; we are tired of the world being run without our consent. how many would join? if enough did, how could the governments of the world ignore us?

march 20, 2003

yet another reason why california should secede.

march18, 2003
if i hear anyone complain about long lines at the dmv, i will laugh dryly and humourously. you ain't seen nothing until you've gone down to the govenment agency formerly known as ins, and now rather ominously has become a bureau of the department of homeland security. arrived there at 7:30 am, left circa 4 pm. spoke to an agent for, oh i don't know, maybe ten minutes max. the rest of the time, you sit and wait. there ain't shit to do. i finished my book, cursed myself for not bringing another book, stared at the blank t.v. screen hoping to somehow use my telekinetic abilities to turn it on, listened to the hits of the eighties piped endlessly through the speakers, slept for a little while, considered throwing spit balls at the picture of bush on the wall, realized that was a bad bad idea, looked around desperately for any bit of paper to read, spoke to some disgruntled and impatient folk, but mostly just sat on my ass bored out of my mind.

on a side note, while waiting outside at the security check point, i noticed that posted on of the building was a not very ominous sign, times new roman font printed on regular letter size orange paper, and slipped into one of those plastic slipcovers you get at office depot for cheap, that said (i can't recall the exact words), that the current security status was orange. i stared at the sighn for a moment, not really understanding what it meant. then it dawned on me. i the morning the status went from yellow to orange. did one of the employees have to type up a new sign? do they regularly stock orange paper? was this some sort of special sign distributed from the d of hs itself? i imagined some agent walking up to the window, nonchalantly taking down the old sign and replacing it with the new. what did i expect? i'm not sure, but definitely something more dramatic. if we went to status red would red lights begin to flash? would a constant computer generated voice repeat "red alert- read alert-"?

march 17, 2003

overcoming resentment is my next personal challenge. it is a bitter poison that festers in my soul and discolours my world. i use it as a shield against further injury but it causes me great pain. it makes me feel impure, dishonest, and enslaved. how can i move beyond it?

on a completely unrelated note, after having read more about sars, it is clear that it is not enviromental but very much organismal. this story is immensely interesting to me and i shall be following it closely.

march 16, 2003

been reading laurie garret's book the coming plague when i read this article in the nyt about sars. the unsettling facts are that the pathogenesis of the disease is not yet understood, and already it has manifested globally, if it is the same thing. it is possible that the cause is environmental rather than organismal. more interesting info on the cdc website and the official travel warning of the who. a sober reminder for us to keep ourselves in good health. which means i should probably stop drinking so much.

on the positive side(?), a major epidemiological outbreak might forestall the war.

march 14, 2003

am making dinner for mon cher and ma mere. i have all my mise en place completed, and now i await his arrival with some trepidation...

earlier today, i implored, "hey mom, *please* try not to say anything weird tonight, ok?"

she looked at me sympathetically. i think she knows she's kind of off the wall. "oh, okay, i'm sorry. i won't talk about anything personal of yours."

that's not really what i'm worried about, i reflected. i should have known that the word "weird" would mean nothing to someone who was so inclined. if she just talked about the personal stuff, that would be find. i don't care about childhood stories, about how much breast milk she gave us kids (yes, she did talk about that once), or even the more painful aspects of our past. such stories would be a welcome relief. oh no, what i am refering to is the time she grabbed the arm of my then boyfriend and said, virtually in tears, "thank you for going out with my annie." and "i am so happy that annie has you to take care of her now." if that doesn't scare someone off, i honestly don't know what will. hell, it's almost enough to scare me off. if i steer her away from the wine it should be okay. but i think maybe i need a prepartory drink. wish me luck...

march 14, 2003

just paid $2.60 for a loaf of bread. i feel so dirty.

on another note, i thought of a temptingly horrible practical joke to play on my former employers... i thought of sticking this sticker on every one of their delivery trucks. sweet justice for the poor drivers whose jobs really do suck, and who are dreadfully underpaid and underappreciated.

march 13, 2003

been reading memoirs that my sister posted a couple of years ago. my first reaction is to think, rather hotly, "hey, that's not what happened!" but then, i have to think. who is to say whose memory is superior? okay, i *think* i know the answer to that one, but really, can i truthfully state that my memory is better, and that the way i remember things is the way they *actually* happened?? maybe i can. there have been a couple times where my memory of things has been verified by eye witness accounts. but ultimately i think that memoirs reveal more about the rememberer, than about the actual facts. maybe some day i will post my version of things.

have also been going down memory lane via old photos that i have. a large fire destroyed most of the family photos, but there a few that relatives have given us over the years. i realized why i don't really like photos; ther's something about them that i find inherently melancholy and poignant. looking into the happy faces of a carefree youth, when my sister and i were fast friends, when we could be tomboys, and make funny faces, when my parents got married. they were happy times, times that we can never return to. but looking into smiling faces reminds me that times were not so carefree, that behind the smiles and happiness there were dark times, fights, sickness, resentments, failures, guilt. we are told to smile for the camera, and pretend that those moments were not there, that they are to be remembered. but when i look into photos, of my family, of my friends, i feel like i can see the pain there, the bad times are all reflected in their faces. not making much sense, i know. am tired. it's been a strange day.

march 13, 2003

today is the day i get my life together. i'm going to clean my room, finally put away that pile of laundry that's been sitting on the floor forever, do my taxes, finish this damn query for this artcile i want to write, deal with my bloody $3000 insurance bill (don't ask), fix the toilet which leaks, weed my garden, call my high school friend who called me some three weeks ago and i still haven't called back,and...?

oh yeah, and i'm gonna win the lottery.

and now (from deano) the beastie boys have a new warm spot in my heart.

march 12, 2003

jesus christ. i can't fucking believe it. can you? it made me laugh and recoil in disguest all at the same time.

march 11, 2003

we seek the spectacular signs in life, the bears, eagles, and mountain lions, but perhaps it is the smaller signs, the ants, beetles, and spiders that we should see. in our search for the obvious, we are become blind to the realm of possibilties that exist beyond the worn paths we so dilligently tread.

fear is also one of the things that keep us so well trained, fear of the unknown, of change, and fear of the intensity of existence that we might encounter. how can we let such a thing prevent us from becoming who we are? our bodies are bits of earth given transient corporeal form. when that time has run out and our substance reclaimed, who can say who has been more successful in life? who can say who has lived life more fully? the soul's journey may not necessarily be our own, and all other things are transient.

would you remain within the cage of your fear, your wings bound?

rather, embrace the fearful things in life; pain, grief, unfettered passion, love without hope of return, ephemeral joys, and the power of truths unveiled.

and remember that all things shall pass.

march 10, 2003

isn't it great to be american? rest assured that even in the invent of war our vacationing and travelling rights, at least, will be fully protected, according to this email i received from united today. sadly, no such guarantee exists for our civil rights.

"United customers can book future travel with confidence

March 6, 2003 - United Airlines today announced changes to its travel policies to address the needs of customers who want to purchase tickets for future travel but are concerned about the unsettled international environment. "We want our customers to know that they should feel confident about booking future business trips or spring vacations," said Chris Bowers, senior vice president ? Sales and Reservations. "If a military conflict should begin, United Airlines will be providing support and flexibility for customers to change plans." United's policy changes, if a war begins, are as follows: For customers who choose to postpone travel, the full value of the unused ticket will be applied toward the purchase of a new ticket with no change fee. Future reservations will be subject to availability and applicable fare rules.

Customers with domestic itinerary tickets issued before the start of a military conflict may postpone their travel through September 1, 2003.

Customers with international itinerary tickets issued before the start of a military conflict may postpone their travel through December 31, 2003.

To be eligible, customers whose travel falls within qualifying travel dates and who choose to postpone their travel will need to contact United prior to their originally scheduled departure.

For customers en route who want to change their travel plans, United will assist with rebooking and will waive change/cancellation fees for a specified period of time.

Specific travel dates will apply to these policies and in the event of war, United will communicate publicly the effective dates of the airline's revised travel policies. United will continue to monitor the situation and make appropriate changes to its policies as necessary. United works closely with the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) to ensure customers the highest level of safety and security standards.

For elite Mileage Plus members, United will extend elite status by one year for US National Guard and military reservists called to active duty and for members of the military who are deployed. Also, military personnel holding valid tickets for dates during which they are expected to report to active duty may have those tickets changed or refunded without incurring a service charge. This includes Mileage Plus award tickets."

We have established these guidelines to assist you should the international situation change and you find your travel plans need to be adjusted. If a military action begins, we will send you another email update, and details of United's travel policies will be available at united.com. We appreciate your business and are committed to providing you with safe, dependable and convenient service.

march 10, 2003

oh, and before you go out to buy an emergency preparedness kit, tarps and duct tape and all that, consider this. all you're really going to want in such a situation is a case of vodka. vodka can be used for disinfection, antiseptic, and to preserve fruits and vegetalbes. it's flammable (albeit with a cold flame), and if worst comes to worst, you're going to be damn glad it's there.

march 10, 2003

more humorous political and social commentary from mr. bland.

the lord?s day

i have this fantasy...

it?s mid morning on a sunday. we bask in the warm sun, my friends and i. we are content, having feasted on a brunch of fresh strawberries, popovers, and shirred eggs, and now mimosas in hand, loaf about in lounges and lawn chairs on the vast expanse of green grass. we are dressed in our fancy clothes; we have been up all night partying. but now we linger in the lazy sunday hours, unwilling to let the weekend pass. as the day wears on, we switch to mint juleps and mojitos, lemon drops and capirinhas. when the shadows grow long, we begin on gin and tonics, sangria, and whiskies on the rocks. and finally, when darkness has fallen and crickets begin to chirp in the balmy night, we can deny no longer that the day has come to an end. so we bid each other adieu, with the promise of many more such sundays to come.

march 8, 2003

nor (on a completely different subject), despite the "asian fusion" cuisine of the nineties do i know of any chef or restaurant that was successfully able to incorportate seaweed into non traditional asian dishes. though its texture might be a little odd for some, i think that its flavor would be pleasant to most western palates. i can't think of any country outside of asia that uses seaweed regularly in its cooking, but i suspect that failure to be due to my ignorance and not actual fact.

march 8, 2003

the process of plant and animal domestication is frequently invoked in support of genetic engineering. the argument is, in short, that through this process, we have essentially been performing genetic engineering for millenia through the process of selective breeding. i have heard and agree with many arguments that challenge the parallel drawn. there are several key differences which, to any one who has even a vague idea of process of genetic engineering, make clear that one is innocuous while the other opens a pandora's box of potential horrors.

however, one argument which i have not heard linked in connection to genetic engineering is to challenge the assumption that plant and animal selection has been a success. look at agriculture now; we have developed plants that require incredible investments of time, water, energy, fertilizers, and in some cases pesticides. consider animal agriculture; we have created beasts that require enormous investments of food and energy and which sicken very easily. furthermore, they may very well be the reservoirs for a whole slew of human diseases (syphlis, influenza, bovine encephalitis,etc).

march 7, 2003

this morning i got up at 6:30 am, went for a swim, headed to a cafe for breakfast, and then indulged my impulse to go to the beach.

a girl can get used to this whole unemployed thing.

march 6, 2003

how is it that the world seems to know when you are in a fabulous mood? strangers seem compelled to talk to you for no reason, passerbys return your goofy smile. even the birds seem to know, and sing their loudest just for you.

march 5, 2003

i decided that i am in training. heavenstibetsy, not the half marathon (which is very grueling and the qualifier for the region)! i think i will stick with the 5k. but then, who knows?

march 5, 2003

is my left big toe super pointy? i noticed a lot of my socks have a hole there.

march 5, 2003

diarrhea of the mind is not an attractive thing, i know. i can't help it. i've been rather uninspired today, spending my time searching the web for little tidbits of amusement.
and now i am wide awake, having drunk two cups of coffee around 9 pm *and* having jet lag. which i decided not to get over. after all, why bother? i have nothing pressing in the mornings, no reason to have to get up early.

a friend and i were talking about photoperiods, and how our circadian rhythms are set. he had a simple question: "what if you're blind? how does it work then?"

alas, michael, i have no answer for you.

march 5, 2003
is it just me or did this week's the onion seem almost painfully cynical?

and

from brianstorm: who said the us government couldn't be fun?

and you, too, could be a terrorism buster.

march 4, 2003

sample conversation with mom:
me: "i'm not going to be home for dinner tonight. i'm having dinner with a friend in the city."
mom: "ok. that's fine."

a few hours later...
mom: "how about udon or ramen tonight?"
me: "i'm going out to dinner, remember?"
mom: "oh! you mean you're not going to eat with me at all tonight?"
me: "um... usually there's only one dinner so when i said i'm going out, well, yeah."
mom: "oh, okay. i see. have fun, then."

oh mom, i do love you.

march 4, 2003

picked up a copy of a writer's mag out of general curiosity, hope for inspiration, and to look for possible contests to enter and make a buck or too.

maybe i picked up the wrong one, but man, it had trashy, cheap-ass fiction in it. i think i can enter a contest or two, but i might feel kind of dirty afterwards.

march 3, 2003

today, i ain't got shit to say.