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Too Much Zelda
How to know if you play too much Zelda:

1. You put on a blue shirt and sink yourself to the bottom of a lake.
2. You put on a red shirt and walk into a volcano.
3. You think that when you turn sixteen, the Triforce will appear on your hand.
4. Your Nintendo explodes.
5. Your thumbs are bloody from the controller.
6. You think that a magnifying glass will reveal hidden items and walls.
7. You dig up your yard hoping to find rupees and hearts.
8. You get arrested for pulling a sword on someone and when the cops ask you why you did it you tell them that you thought he was Ganon.
9. You’re the only kid on your block that wears a pointy green hat and a skirt.
10. You go to school with a whole arsenal of items such as bombs, a sword, a shield, and a bow & arrow to destroy your science teacher who has disguised himself as Ganon.
11. You walk out in front of a car because you figure you’ll get to start from your door again anyway.
12. You catch a firefly in a bottle and jump off of your house.
13. When you go swimming in a public pool, you keep an eye out for giant amebas and Octoroks.
14. You think the moon is going to consume... consume everything.
15. You put on a one-eyed mask and talk to rocks.
16. You play an Ocarina in band class.
17. You go to the back of your church and play the Song of Time, hoping to discover a secret door.
18. You really DO own the Triforce.
19. You go into a desert and play the Song of Storms on your Ocarina, just so you can look for a secret dungeon that isn’t really even there.
20. You shoot your teacher with an arrow and explain to the class that she was definitely a Gerudo in disguise.
21. You’re in love with Zelda.
22. Your TV freezes up.
23. You’ve beat the running man.
24. You dress up like Link every Halloween.
25. A dead guy in the cemetery gives you a hookshot in REAL life.
26. You search for ghosts in a huge field.
27. You know Rauru personally.
28. You bow down if you see a triangle.
29. The only time you listen in geometry class is when they’re talking about triangles. (I don’t listen anyway.)
30. Your closet is the door to the Golden Land.
31. You own a mirror that takes you to an opposite world.
32. Your Nintendo runs away.
33. You put on gloves and start trying to lift huge rocks.
34. You put on winged boots and run off of your house.
35. You’re the only kid in town that gets shot at by bushes.
36. You don’t believe in Playstation, Sega, or Atari.
37. You find yourself constantly glancing up at the moon.
38. You walk up to a big tree and try to start a conversation with it.
39. You try to talk to rocks in front of your church.
40. You realize it’s your bedtime so you play the Song of Time backwards hoping to slow down time.
41. You get a tumor from the radiation coming from your TV.
42. You’ve never played any other game.
43. You build a tree house, draw a picture of a dinosaur on the tree, and decide to post your scores for the marathons, horse races, etc. up on the wall.
44. You get arrested for going into other peoples’ houses without knocking time and time again.
45. You can’t resist breaking every pot, or cutting every clump of grass that you see.
46. You create a cushioned golden altar to set your game on and you hire guards to guard the game with their life.
47. You constantly hum songs from every Zelda game.
48. You die your girlfriend’s hair green while she’s asleep.
49. You kill somebody with the Master Sword because they turn off your Nintendo before you get a chance to save.
50. You equip Link’s entire inventory and go on a quest to stop the kid down the street from buying a Playstation.

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