Annoying child actor
Macauley Culkin!
His affront(s) toward us:
Smarmy rich kid millionaire; Bailed patrents outta
bankruptcy; Made stupid films.
How he should die:
Mauled by palestinian freedom fighters.
Black militant actor Larry
Fishburne!
His affront(s) toward us: Starred in
many anti-white movies, poking fun at whitey.
How he
should die: Crushed under wheel of redneck's 4x4.
Unfunny late-nite talk show
host Jay Leno!
His affront(s) toward us: Lame
political humor, Dorito pimp.
How he should die:
Poured into concrete, chin exposed, used as speedbump at
local supermarket.
Saturday morning comedian Carrot Top!
His
affront(s) toward us: Huge teeth; unfunny props.
How he
shoul die: Bled to death after scalping by angry mob of
Pueblo indians for mocking their feathered head dress's.
Retired WWF grappler
Tony Garea! His affront(s) toward us: Unsightly
man-breasts; Speaks french.
How he should die: Victim
of stabbing by envious former tag-team partner, Ric
Martel.
Unfunny
hispanic comedian Paul Rodriguez!
His affront(s)
toward us: Always bets on Chavez; knows what a "churro" is.
How he should die: Freak Macarena accident.
Son of Bruce- Brandon
Lee!
His affront(s) toward us: Too dainty; Only had
1 testicle.
How he should die: Mortally wounded by
prop gun while filming a movie about birds.
Character actor Nick
Nolte!
His affront(s) toward us: Squinty eyes;
smokes too much; never appeared in blackface at social
function.
How he should die: Alcohol poisioning after
drowning sorrows over Ellen's Homosexuality.
Bad singer & worse father-
Eric Clapton!
His affront(s) to us: Doesn't
practice window safety; responsible for death of son;
shunned taco bell in favor of Spago's.
How he
should die: Follow in his son's footsteps.
Mouse-faced actress Sandra
Bullock!
Her affront(s) toward us: Dissed Keanu; prefers
Masengill over Summer's Eve.
How she should die: Burned to
death in fiery bus wreck.
Goofy lookin' actor Keanu Reeves!
His affront(s)
toward us: Appeared as homosexual in "My own private Idaho", and
enjoyed it; dissed sandra; his band sucks.
How he should
die: Burned to death in a fiery bus wreck.
Mega-hit director Steven
Spielberg!
His affront(s) toward us: Allowed "Jaws" to go
to crap after 2nd installment; burned Xmas tree to ground in
mocking gesture of St. Nick.
How he should die: Crushed to
death by 2-ton animatronic T-rex, in upcoming "Jurassic Park"
sequel.
World's richest
computer nerd Bill Gates!
His affront(s) toward us:
Not fluent in Polish; stuffs pillowcases with 100 dollar
bills.
How he should die: Beaten to death by nation's
poor.
Ex-mayor of NY & E.T.
lookalike- David Dinkins!
His affront(s) toward us:
Sucks at tennis, despite hours of practice; always mopping sweaty
brow.
How he should die: Impaled on post of costly headboard
purchased by taxpayers.
Rotund talk-show host Rikki Lake!
Her affront(s)
toward us: Fat.
How she should die: Bludgeoned from behind by
disgruntled talk-show host Tempest Bledsoe!
Yet another annoying talk-show host
Cathy Lee!
Her affront(s) toward us: Lousy wardrobe;
never gave regis an on-air handjob; hired young asians instead of
old mexicans.
How she should die: Victim of drive-by shooting
executed by the deadly "Tongs" of Chinatown, in protest of unfair
labor practices.
Cutesy TV
stars The Olsen Twins! Their affront(s) toward us:
There's 2
of them, for Christ's sake!; Snubbed Harriet The Spy.
How
they should die: Drowned in a vat of multi-colored "Wacky Balls"
at Discovery Zone.
Regretful
horse jockey Christopher Reeve!
His affront(s) toward
us: Refuses to share vast supply of WD-40; Continues to bet on
ponies, despite equestrian accident; cant join us in impromptu
Macarena.
How he should die:
Pushed off cliff by vengeful "Mr. Ed"!
Holy woman Mother Teresa!
Her affront(s) toward us: Helped Millions; Wacky headdress.
strong as a bull.
How she should die: Blown to pieces by
Iranian Pants Bomber!
Wannabe
rapper Marky Mark!
His affront(s) toward us: Ruined
perfectly good Lou Reed song; cant rap OR act; white.
How he
should die: Hacked to death by vengeful sibling Donnie Wahlberg
(who went from new kid on the block to old bum on the
corner.)
2-d advertising icon
Mr. Clean!
His affront(s) toward us: Mocks the bald;
allegedly gay; hasn't changed clothes in years, despite cleanly
moniker.
How he should die: Flattened by runaway Michelin
Man.
TV nebbish- "Screech"
from Saved By The Bell!
His affront(s) toward us: Akin to
Carrot-top; once dry-humped Sloth's leg.
How he should die:
Choke to death on chicken bone at fave after school hangout, The
Max.
Glorified hoopster & 3-D
advertising icon- Michael Jordan!
His affront(s)
toward us: "God" complex; disgraced Looney Toons character by
appearing in lousy film; name on overpriced sneakers.
How he
should die: Shot to death by disgruntled Knicks fan, in mid-dunk.
America's beloved wax statue
Michael Jackson!
His affront(s) toward us: Resembles
science experiment gone awry; has breeded; miserable pop music;
snubbed Tito.
How he should die: Bludgeoned by Tito,
weilding Elephant man's hipbone.
Ex-football star & current boxing
tomato can- Mark Gastineau!
His affront(s) toward us:
Lousy boxer; ugly wife.
How he should die: Driven to suicide
by ghostly manifestation of Lyle
Alzado.
Maniacal funnyman Rip
Taylor!
His affront(s) toward us: Femminine.
How he
should die: Whisked away & hurled into Grand Canyon by mob of
angy jesters, mimes, and the entire cast of Mummenschanz.
Aged sagging hispanic maraca shaker
Charo!:
Her affront(s) toward us: Went into hiding
after brief stint on "Hollywood Squares"; Flaunts out-dated
bellbottoms.
How she should die: "cootchie-coochies'" right
off cliff, into shark-infested waters.
Has-been celebrity Cher!
Her affront(s) toward us: Snubbed Sonny; unsightly ass tattoo;
reduced to pushing makeup on late-nite infomercials.
How she
should die: Blugeoned to death by Sonny wielding elongated skull
of Rocky Dennis.
Essentric
musician Prince!
His affront(s) toward us: Insists on
being called "Wacky Symbol"; femminine; deformed son's head
shaped like Lucky Charms "clover" marshmallow.
How he should
die: Shot to death to the beat of "Jungle Love", by crack-crazed
rival Morris Day!
Romance novel coverboy & butter peddler- Fabio!
His
affront(s) toward us: Blatant nipple flaunting; better hair than
Jewel; Snubbed Yakoff Smirnoff.
How he should
die: After career fizzles, changes name to "Flabbio" & eats his
way to an early grave in front of boob tube.
Zany haired rapper Coolio!
His affront(s) toward us: Stupid name; browbeat Michelle
Pfeiffer in music video; wes'side foo'.
How he should
die: Trips on baggy jeans & falls off stage during concert. On
way down to the floor, throws up gang signs instead of attempting
to break fall, resulting in fatal concussion. Dies for his set.
Stevie Wonder sound-alike
Jamaroquai!
His affront(s) toward us: Video frightens
housecats; white(?); beady eyes.
How he should die: Crushed
between couch & wall due to moving floor on the set of latest
music video.
Corporate whore
sellout- Bono!
His affront(s) toward us: Let U2's
music go to shit; hairline rapidly receding; snubbed Taco Bell in
favor of Kmart's food court.
How he should die: Pulverized
onstage during lukewarm rendition of G-L-O-R-I-A, by falling
oversized "disco ball" prop.
Repulsive whats-its-sex freak RuPaul!
It's affront(s)
toward us: Dainty; frail; refused to administer swift reacharound
to aging funnyman Milton Berle.
How it should die:
Pummeled to death by portly pugilist Butterbean, after he
misunderstood playful rear-end pinch as mocking gesture of his
manhood.
Glorified club
fighter Butterbean!
His affront(s) toward us:
Resembles Buddah; furrowed neck; cliche "flag" trunks; murdered
RuPaul.
How he should die: Internal burns causing
rupture of organs, due to mistakenly ingesting blazing hot wok
oil
during feeding frenzy at BeniHana's!
Has-been rocker- Sting!
His affront(s) toward us: Refuses to acknowledge existance of
grappler with same name; pompous peacenik; nazi war criminal.
How he should die: Set ablaze & charred in roomful of candles
during impromptu rendition of "Every breath you take.
Pre-pubescent rockers-
Hanson!
Their affront(s) toward us: We thought they
were chicks.
How they should die: Killed in a fiery tourbus
colission with pre-pubescent rockers Silverchair, during
mad
dash to get home before curfew.
Click