THIRD OUT OF THE BLOCKS
08/01
Well, this has slipped to the eighth day again... not that it really matters. In the intervening stretch, I slept. And slept some more. And then I stayed up way too late and got destoryed the next day due to 2 hours of sleep. So you see, a good balance is necessary in this department to avoid serious entroubulation. To continue dragging this out, I'm doing plenty of stuff this week, so there should be some good fodder for complainture. Until then, to the column we go!
..you betta be excited...
RECENT COLUMNS: READ US.. WE'RE PEOPLE TOO!
Ride along, little dogie...
THE EVIL NExUS OF DEATH
Yesterday evening, seized by an incredible lack of anything to do, coupled with a car, and not much else, we decided to go for a bit of a ride to nowhere. It was going fairly well at first- tooling along down roads towards nothing in particular is a good venue for conversation and stuff, even if you are stuck in the backseat craning your neck forward. Anyhow, we eventually came to this road which led north... or so the story went. Turning onto this road, we continued in the alleged direction until it mysteriously changed into Rural Road one. Almost immediately thereafter, a big-ass rain storm came up, which, coupled with some foolish turns and such, sort of disoriented everyone(by the time turning around came up, it would have taken to long to do so, as per the curfew of the driver. Lousy curfews- why do parents do that??? It's silliness and causes accidents.), so basically, we were lost, though no one would admit it quite then. Eventually, we were going what turns out to be northwest when we saw a sign that said "Now Entering Durham Region". This was somewhat surprise, since we were on Durham Rural Road 13 or something like that. So that was weird, needless to say. Slightly weirdified, we continued down that road, getting progressively more lost. Road signs pointing to Port Perry showed up at various intervals, pointing in various directions and offering various distances. Every direction claimed to be east, and every time we saw city lights, they were in the opposite direction we had come from. Anyhow, we continued along this straight(I emphasize straight) road, and came to another road sign. Which read "Now Entering Durham Region." Well, that was completely whacked out, since mere moments before we had been in Durham Region... or so the sign claimed. Through sheer luck and a few good turns, we finally outwitted the rainstorm and got home, but it never gave up. When we finally found the right road, the rain just stopped mysteriously. Prior, it had increased in intensity, as if trying to keep us held up. In conclusion, this was clearly an evil nexus of some sort. BEWARE!
You saw nothing.
A STELLAR ACQUISITION
Well, I was gonna not talk about baseball, but then it occurred to me the Jays were sucking it up, and Gord Ash completed a questionable trade. So first, the sucking it up. Freakin' Jays, freakin' Jays! Now, the trade. If you're going to get pitching help, why don't you go after a GOOD pitcher, like Brad Radke or someone else similarly useful. Why not actually solidify your rotation, instead of just jam a bunch of second and third rate pitchers together and hope that their combined crapulence somehow adds up to more than mediocre? Oh, wait... it's because of the budget. How silly of me to forget. Baseball sucks that way- teams with no money have no hope- herego, the Jays are screwed, especially now that they picked up Trachsel, whose nickname just happens to be the Human Rain Delay. With such an ominous moniker, you just know they've screwed up somewhere, and additionally, they've now lost five games in a row! Ridiculous, I say. Ridiculous.
Once again, beef took over Ash's brain, rendering it useless except as an agent for use in gravy.
THE CONCORDE JET
So I'm guessing, if you watch or read or even have any contact with media, that you've heard of the Concorde jet that spontaneously caught fire and took on a hotel building in a fight to the death- which it promptly lost(despite causing grievous damage to said hotel). A number of people were killed, but what I can't quite seem to understand is why everyone is so damned interested in this thing! It's not as if planes don't crash every week or something, and this was hardly the biggest, firiest, most horrible plane crash ever constructed. In fact, the fatalities were relatively low, and there was even a cool movie-style scene where a woman in her hotel room leapt heroically out the window at the head of a big fireball to be flung across the ground, unharmed. The point is, there's really no sense in dragging it across the news for a full week, and certainly no reason to get up in arms over the fact that the inquest will likely take over a year. It's a plane! It crashed! It might not have crashed if some other stuff hadn't happened- but hell, Hitler wouldn't have taken over Germany if some other stuff hadn't happened, so that's hardly a good way to look at things, now is it? Get something useful to be interested in...
Smouldering wreckage or the Maginot line.. you decide.
RUNNING OUT OF STUFF...
Running out of stuff to talk about sure does suck, I must say. I went to the iDance rally today, and it was fun. You don't care, though, so I'm not going to trouble you with the details, except to say that I saw far too many moose along the way, and also saw someone who I really don't like there, which was fairly irksome. Anyhow, I've got to work tomorrow at a fairly early(at least compared with my recent schedule) hour, so I don't think I'll be investing too much effort in dragging this out- or at least not too much more. Yep, I think I'm done.
Now I know I'm done.
Yet, I keep typing.
What a bad habit.
Well, there's nothing to be done, except...
Fine.. you win this time.
Whoa... haiku. Who knew?
What a perfectly quaint bicycle!
Less so are these feet. I hate feet.
INTREPID BABY SAYS:
How dare they mock my feet? Those are the most intrepid feet this side of Casablanca, the world capital of intrepid! Why, if I wasn't in this stupid jumper, I'd go there right now and give that caption a piece of my mind.
.... What? You mean my mind IS controlled by these captions? Curses! Now I'll never be as intrepid as I could be without this tedious intervention. Hmm. I"ll have to think about this one, although my cap is so delightfully soft that I'll have trouble concentrating on my head. Wait! I don't need to think about my head... I need to think with it! Eureka!
... Oh, right. I didn't actually discover anything. BLAST!
I'm lonely... Netscape crashed 4 times while I wrote this... pity me! Or at least send email.
INTREPID MINION SUNNY LAMORTE REPLIES:
Idiot...
INTREPID BABY REPLIES ANGRILY:
Hey, you're the one in a stupid yellow chair. At least I get sky blue background.
GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!
Go Home! Inmediately!
AN INTREPID SHOUTING MATCH OCCURS...
Dummy!
Stupidhead!
Meanie!