The Official TISM Summer Festival Guide, Benedict Watts, Juice, December 1998


"I'm always abhorred [sic] by the appalling conditions people put themselves through," says TISM's Humphrey B. Flaubert. Even brushes with pop's upper hierarchy don't phase him. "I met Courtney Love in the middle of her 'lost weekend' period, so that was very nice. There were rumours about what she was getting up to with that pleasant chap from Ministry. Mr Jourgenson was a very lucid man."

Why does he think TISM's dance-trash-pop goes down like a dream on the festival circuit? "When you've been listening to a day of 16-year-old-boy's-bedroom-runner-smelling-masturbatory kind of music, you need a can of creaming soda and that is what TISM's all about."

And so, here are Humphrey's musings and tips on this Summer's festivals.

Meredith "There's a certain type of person that usually goes: the sun beaten Aussie alterna-yob. It's that not needing to shower on a regular basis scenario. I recommend you whack some Sol-Vol soap in a syringe and pop it in your veins and a band like Pitchshifter might even sound tuneful."

Glenworth Valley & The Falls "If it's a beautiful environment, we'll come along and spoil it [TISM are performing there]. I've often though that we were the aphids of rock."

Big Day Out "The blue light disco of the '90s. Every member of the audience should be wearing Bermuda shorts, brown sandals and walk socks and have a sign on their backs saying 'I'M DIFFERENT'."

Vans Warped "I'd just like to say that Vans is one of the finest clothing manufacturers in the history of the world... and, ah, I'm a size 8.5, black, please, sir."

Homebake "That's going to be a celebration of all the great things about Australian music in 1998 - plus TISM."

Vibes "The best thing about techno is the way that it pisses off people who like rock music. If TISM played at Vibes we'd come across like the Screaming Jets. We'd be deliciously appropriate for it."


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