The Phillip Ruddock Blues

[A new song on the album bestoff. Some of these lyrics first appeared in a diatribe performed in late 2001 at the Prince of Wales Hotel, Melbourne. Thanks to Richard Miles for transcription help.]

[intro chorus]
Everybody help yourself...

Australians all let us rejoice
buddy, hold yer horses
It's time patriotism was
exposed to market forces

The love of country may not fit
in with efficiency
costs exceeded benefits
at Gallipoli

Self sacrifice just cannot pass
a profit loss assessment
Those ANZAC boys were slaughtered on
returns for investment

A government will only stop
you getting what you can
it just distorts the market
to help your fellow man

From the cradle to the grave
let self interest be the rule
why should we help those parents who
send their kids to state schools?

I got a fuck-off job, I got a fuck-off car
I got my fuck-off girlfriend in a fuck-off bar
You want the fuck-off time, the fuck-off day
Look at my fuck-off watch, I fuck-off say

To get a job that pays for fees
It's easy, all you jerks
You need to go to private schools
You see, the system works

This is my fuck-off club, this is my fuck-off crowd
The fuck-off DJ trippin', get the fuck-off sound
You want to fuck-off dance, you want my fuck-off place
The answer's written on the bouncer's fuck-off face

Why should we let towel-heads in
'Cause their ships won't float?
What other race has ever come to Australia on a boat?
And if self-interest should rule
Five miles out from shore
Why the hell don't it apply to those who live next door?

(chorus) everybody help yourself

Why should you ask me for my help
just cause you're Aussie too?
What's the difference between
those boat people and you?

Australians all at once rejoice
at our shared common wealth
but now if you're Australian
help your fucking self!

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