Ron Hitler Barassi of TISM talks to Adam Perrett @ Planet magazine, Deakin University

Iím no shining wit, whoa, Iím a whining shit...

1. Deakin University, and the larger scheme of things (and stuff about headjobs).

Ron - OK, Planet. Whatís that?

Adam - Student magazine, Deakin Geelong.

R- Ah right, down there in Geelong. Right. Iíve gotta say, and I know it has been said before Adam, but Deakin Uni surely must be for the people who couldnít get into a real uni. That must really shit the people at Deakin.

A- Ah...

R- You go to a party and there is all these Melbourne Uni graduates and even Monash Uni and you say ĎIím from Deakin Unií and there must be that sneering sense of social superiority. ĎIím doing agriculture at Deakin Unií. That would fuck you around wouldnít it?

A- Yeah, but the only thing that keeps us going is knowing that we are above La Trobe.

R- (Laughing) yeah, thatís a good point. Look, thatís the thing. I think TISM are the Deakin University of rock Ďní roll. You know, youíve got your You Am Iís and youíve got your bloody Snoutís and, now of course Sydney Uni would have to be the Dirty Three, and here we have TISM, the Deakin Uni, and La Trobe Uni, fucking hell, who would be La Trobe Uni? Weíve gotta be talking Mother Goose or something. No, I reckon your La Trobe would be Natalie Imbruglia, or whatever her name is. I tell you what, I donít know what you guys reckon, but Iíd root Natalie Imbruglia. I reckon sheís all right. Sheís got that sort of waif-like childish face, you could just see her lips wrapped around your manhood without a problem, because there is no problem with fellatio, I certainly enjoy fellatio, there is a sense of not only sensual pleasure, an impaling power, and I wouldnít mind my dick in her mouth, there is no problem there. You blokes from Deakin Uni probably donít get your dicks sucked very often, I mean, the blokes from Sydney Uni probably have RSI of the ballbag because they have girls lapping at their genitals left right and centre, but your Natalie Imbruglia, sheíd be all right I guess as far as your headjob goes.

A- Yeah, ah, um, yes. Yes, yes, um, Iím with you on that.

R - Whatís wrong there? Donít stammer, letís all agree. Iím not putting her down, I donít think a headjob puts a girl down, I think headjobs are very life affirming. Ron Hitler Barassi would like to say to all the readers, especially to the female readers of the Deakin Uni magazine, that a headjob is an extremely empowering for a girl, and if any of them would like to test it out on me, feel quite free.

A- Ah, Iíll issue the invitation for you.

R- The only thing I must warn them is that I am a bit of a premature ejaculator, so for a headjob for me, itís not like your 20 minute long production like it is for the lead singer of Cordrazine or something, I betcha he could last the fucking distance, but for me, if I get lips within six and a half foot of my cock and Iím spoofing, there is no problem there. To me, a headjob, Iíll tell you, when I get a hooker to give me a headjob, sheís gotta pay me.

A- (Laughing) Yes, yes...

R- As men, as men, everything about a headjob is good, because in a lot of sexual acts there is a down side, always a part of your body that gets a bit of wear and tear, there is always give and take in sex, except for the headjob. On every level, you have got to love it, from the psychological level of power, you got to love it in the physical sense of that sensualised centralised bundle of nerve endings that is the tip of your penis getting full on 100% attention. You got to love it, your just sitting there, or lying back, and it is all happening to you. It is the smorgasbord of the sex acts, itís not like your French restaurant where there is pleasure and pain, and it seems to take a long time and you have got to know the right things and stuff, with a headjob it is just full on snout in the trough material. Gotta love that. Whatís the uni, Dookie or something, where all the farmers sons go?

A- Yeah, Dookie, just outside Shepparton.

R- Surely you have to look down on those bastards. Imagine how big One Nation would be up there in Dookie, they could start the One Nation student union up there in Dookie. Fucking farmers. Jesus Christ, Iíll tell you what, how dare they start whingeing about the aboriginals and migrants getting all the money, and the fucking farmers, Iíll tell you what, come up to the fucking city and just take the contents of my wallet you fucking wankers. Cut out the fucking middle man, what else do you fucking want?

2. One Nation, Pauline Hanson and some highly offensive and possibly defamatory comments.

A- What did you think of the Queensland election?

R- Ah, look, with Pauline Hanson, itís too easy, itís too easy, we all get on our uni educated latte drinking inner city groover fucking high horses you know. You, me, everyone reading this newspaper, except for the newspapers being distributed in Dookie, would surely start from the position that Pauline Hanson and the One Nation party is a repellent, retrograde, viciously wrong system of beliefs. I actually find, except for Pauline Hanson, that the rest of the people who stand at the One Nation elections, are actually quite nice people. You see them on ĎSundayí or on Ď60 Minutesí or something, and theyíre just duffers, theyíre these old duffers who are wide eyed innocents who have woken up and realised they are in 1998 and itís not 1958 any more, and theyíre a little bit sad about it. I think One Nation is a party that is as much for duffers as it is for vicious racists, Hanson aside, you know, Iíve never met her, but you have got to be sus about Pauline Hanson, also her brains trust, your John Pascarelli or whatever his name is and that David Oldfield, theyíre more threatening, but as far as the people who vote for Pauline Hanson with their zimmer frames and their old persons whingeing and their colostomy bags, itís hard to go full throttle at them, you sort of think, Ďwell, in ten years time theyíre all going to be deadí.

A- That may be true. Do you buy the so-called sexuality of Pauline Hanson?

R- Ah, no, no no no. Is this a book or something?

A- You see on the TV and on radio how guys see her attractive. Do you buy that?

R- God almighty. I mean, the only person who Iíd like to see give Pauline Hanson a bit of good aggressive deep dicking would be some big well-hung aboriginal tribesman who puts his didgeridoo right up there. Iíd give Ďem a bloody government grant for that. Thatís the ultimate, I reckon if bloody Ď60 Minutesí or ĎToday Tonightí want a real scoop, should fucking get a picture of Pauline Hanson getting one from some well-hung aboriginal Koori bloody master of the sex act, that would put the wind up them all. I reckon she would go for a bit of deep anal fucking, this is what Ron Hitler Barassi thinks of Pauline Hanson. She has this sort of sense of repressed pain and I just think a little bit of anal sex... none of this could be printed, so letís stop there and move on. I could keep crapping on here, but you wouldnít be able to use a word of it, would you?

A- Ah, probably not...

R- I think Pauline Hanson is probably very very attracted to aboriginal men, and thatís what I think she is trying to repress. I think that aboriginal men and Asian men really turn her on, in a very very deep way. People have told me that the female orgasm is seismic, it sort of comes from within, from the centre, Iíve only been told this, Iíve never seen a female orgasm, nobody Iíve ever slept with has had an orgasm, but I have been told there is a seismic convulsion to the female orgasm and I feel that when Pauline Hanson sees an aboriginal or Asian man she is deeply repressing that desire to have multiple orgasmic experiences.

A - Okay, okay...

R - Rubbish really isnít it? We can move on, itís only fucking Deakin Uni.

3. The media, where TISM fit in and some other insightful comments.

A- Thanks a lot for reminding me of that, I donít feel bad enough about still being here. Ah, the album. No, better still, the media, and the advertising and this. Whatís with the change?

R- Now, Iíd like to pull you up on a point of order here Adam. People have somehow constructed around TISM this sense of precious avant garde musical terrorists who are in the middle of the rock industry and are mocking it with a sort of cynical self interested master plan, but thatís fucked, you know. We realise videos, weíre out there doing interviews, look, Iíll tell ya, I have no problems at all with success. If success means a large audience, Iím dying for an audience, donít worry about that, Iím an audience slut, I have no problems with having an audience, the problem comes when you might have to dumb down to get one. None of want to dumb down to get an audience, but I donít think releasing a video or doing an interview is necessarily dumbing down. You know, Iíve got no problem with your Dirty Three theory of rock and artistic preciousness, where you are somehow contaminated by the awful brutal glaring touch of the crowd, your own poetic flame will be blown out by the massed wings of the great unwashed... Fuck that, you know, Iím into having an audience, I want to reach out, TISM want to reach out and communicate with as many fucking people as we fucking can. Like, we were talking One Nation, I sort of reckon there is a vague One Nation analogy possible with rock music, because, Iíll tell you what, I donít know if Iím especially stupid, but when I put on a Tricky record or a Portishead record or a fucking OK Computer and all that sort of shit, it just bores the fucking life out of me. Itís shoved down your throat, itís like Pauline Hanson says, globalisation, you know. Someone had better fucking explain to me the fucking reason for Portishead or Iím gonna... you know, I think we should have a lot more trade barriers, but I don't think in terms of goods and services, I think more in terms of musical exports from fucking Britain. OK Computer? Fuck, if it was OK Commuter, thatíll be all right, and itís 6.45 and weíre all at the station, it would be all right then, but what the fuck does that mean?

A- Fuck knows.

R- What the fuck was that paragraph anyway? I started at point A and went to point Z and missed everything in between.

A- Hey, Iíve got to try to write this later.

R - You got this on tape or what?

A - Yeah.

R - Thatís all right then.

A - Iíll just keep rewinding and try to figure out what the hell you are saying.

R- Look, just take the consonants out. Iím far better with vowels. Just make it a vowel only interview.

4. Wheel of Fortune, back to Pauline and those farmers.

A- (Laughing) Do you like Wheel of Fortune?

R- Wheel of Fortune? Thatís fucking great. Itís a fucking great society when one of your biggest cultural debates is who replaces Baby John. Not for us your debates about the state of Jewish American writing with Normal Mailer, or the reappearance of Celtic tradition society with Melvin Braggís new novel, nuh, for good old fucking Australia itís who should replace Baby John. Thatís what I call a cultural debate.

A - Or the controversy then Kerry Friend got the arse to bring back Adriana.

R - I donít know, anyone who is watching television at that time of day, yeah, I think we should take a One Nation approach here, just round Ďem up and gun Ďem down. Thatís what I think. Anyone who has ever watched daytime television, I think we should export them all to, I dunno, Pauline Hansonís electorate.

A - Ron, youíre talking to Uni students.

R - Thatís right, she hasnít actually got an electorate at the moment, sheís still the member for Oxley, but theyíve changed all that shit. Yeah, sheís an easy target, Pauline Hanson. Fucking, the thing I donít like is when your uni student groover inner city person just scoffs, thatís not gonna help anyone. I reckon we should all go to that Dookie or whatever and persuade them to, what I would like to see is a great big huge dance party out there at the Dookie campus. Wouldnít be great all those farmers sons with their clod-hopping fucking Blundstones ratshit bowl haircuts trying to get into a dance party and theyíve all got pot bellies and all the gays pulled up from Melbourne have these impeccably chiselled pectoral chests and stuff. That would be fuckiní ace. If I was a girl, no wonder girls like gay guys. Theyíre appalled at this clod-hopping bog-Irish Western suburbs farmerís son in fucking Dookie, Iíd go for gay guys too.

A - The beauty of Dookie is, and Iíve been there, is that it has a piggery next door. The place stinks.

R - (laughing) Ah, thatís fucking great to know. A piggery at Dookie.

A- It tops it off.

R - It does, doesnít it. Fair dinkum farmers, the way they fucking whinge, I tell ya, I dunno. Weíve all got a hard life. Anyway, thatís what we think about that. Actually, personally, I think the new album is pretty good. Like itís all right.

5. The new album, some stuff about some of the songs, and an explanation.

A - Itís all right.

R - Thatís TISMís review of the new album - itís pretty all right. I reckon you blokes from Dookie should get out and buy it because it has a lot of three chord thrash songs. Just for the Dookie edition of your magazine, tell Ďem itís like the latest Screaming Jets album or something.

A- Maybe with the CD-ROM you could have had more animal references or something.

R - Thatís right. Just tell Ďem on the CD-ROM there are tips for pig-breeding or something.

A- Thatíll start selling it. What I wanted to ask you is the last song on the album, ĎThe Menís Roomí, brought back memories of Ď40 Years of Living Then Deathí.

R- Yeah, I think youíve picked up on that. Yeah, there is a certain bleak world view, both similarly written in the third person, I always thought the Ď40 Years of Living Then Deathí lyric suffered from a rather obscure confusion in some of the lines in the verse, but, ĎThe Menís Roomí yeah, I think itís a good concept that whole, you know, you work your guts out and itís pissed up against the wall, I do like that imagery. Your standing there at the MCG, pissing in the toilets in this line of men, 150 men in a line, pissing up against a wall, and then in 30 seconds, except for those guys who have trouble urinating in public, thereís another 150 men pissing up against the wall, and itís hard not to think there is a certain symbolism in this one.

A- And in ĎThe Parable of Glenn McGrathís Haircutí there is more of that, but in the first person this time.

R - Exactly right. Again, there is a very self-conscious attempt to write a parable there, in terms of the simple story alluding to things instantly recognisable amongst the audience to which it is directed. And so ĎThe Parable of Glenn McGrathís Haircutí is an attempt to say what I think we all know, which is those kids at school which were good looking and successful, you gotta hate them. Those kids at school, the boy who first went along to the social and got the first kiss and then offered you a smell of the stinkfinger later, youíll always smell the finger but deep down youíre thinking Ďyou cunt, look where youíve been and Iíll never get to beí, and as a premature ejaculator, itís fucking true.

A -Thatís very true. We canít go any further without mentioning ĎI Might Be A Cunt, But Iím Not A Fucking Cuntí and two things, Triple J not playing it, and...

R - Itís hard isnít it? There certainly an orthodoxy at Triple J, the party line is as orthodox at Triple J as it is at Gold FM, but on the other hand, I mean, fuck me dead, you release a song called ĎI Might Be A Cunt, But Iím Not A Fucking Cuntí and what do you expect? You canít have your cake and eat it too. Like, they didnít play it because of the swearing basically, and I can see it from there point of view. I actually like the song, the thing that disappoints me about some of the reaction to the song is peopleís reaction was confined to Ďoh how naughty, oh those naughty boys TISM have said a naughty word, fuck, and another naughty word, cunt, and oh thatís so naughtyí and I must admit, I was sort of, and I shouldnít have, I was disappointed with that reaction. The phrase, ĎI might be a cunt, but Iím not a fucking cuntí, I liked it, and we used it in the song, not because of itís naughtiness, but I reckon it says something that we all know about. I havenít said the phrase to anyone who hasnít understood the concept, like itís actually quite a subtle concept. You could be a cunt, the difference between being a cunt and being a fucking cunt, itís something thatís very hard to put into words, but itís a difference we all appreciate. Thatís what I quite like. Itís the sort of phrase you here everyday, itís worth having a song about it. So yeah, Iím disappointed not by the fact it wasnít played on triple J, well, Ďcause fucking fair enough, you canít put the word cunt on radio, well, you just gotta live with that, Iím disappointed in terms that people can only see itís naughty schoolboyness. We were attempting to use the common dialect of people in the street, to sum up a term, have a good pisstake. Itís more than just naughtiness. Thatís very profound isnít it? Donít send that up to Dookie will you, theyíd feed that one to the pigs there, pigs eat your recycles newspapers.

A - Ah...

6. How to finish an interview, Moe and weíre going west.

R - Look Adam, Iíve gotta go, Iíve got another fucking interview, isnít that shithouse. Iíve got this interview schedule here and it gives you about ten minutes to each journo and it ten minutes to stop a paragraph.

A - How many more interviews have you got to do today?

R - About fucking 400. Iíll tell ya, Iím out there selling this album like an Encyclopedia Britanica salesman.

A - What are the rest of them doing?

R - Yeah I know, theyíre cunts. Theyíre getting their cocks sucked by young negresses, theyíre in this cocaine induced orgy of sexual nirvana, while Iím here busting my balls. Sometimes I think itís unfair.

A - I think it is to, damn them.

R - The only thing is that I cum so early, I do the interviews to recover. Iím just doing this in between ejaculations. Thatís why I get so much time.

A- Fair enough, can I ask you one last thing?

R - Yep, OK.

A - The word Ďwestí as in a geographical location. Why does it suck? Like, youíve got the western suburbs in Melbourne and Sydney, even down here, Geelong West...

R - Oh yeah, I see where youíre coming from, but it doesnít apply to Adelaide, Brisbane not so much either, and of course, west in Perth and youíre in the drink. So, youíre right though, mind you the Western Districts goes against the trend. You go far enough west of Melbourne, youíre cooking, where as east of Melbourne, in the suburbs, youíre the sort of pencil-neck middle class private school educated turd like I am, but if you keep going, youíre in Moe, and if youíre in Moe mate, youíre fucked.

A - (laughing) Yes, especially if youíre a toddler.

R - (laughing) Ah yes, Iíll leave the rest to you, Iím not touching that one. ĎIf youíre in Moe, youíre fuckedí, I reckon that should be the name of someoneís autobiography. Iím sorry James, ah, I mean Adam, Iíve really got to go.

A - Thatís fair enough, thanks for your time mate.

R - Good to talk to you, see ya.

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