The Never-Ending Rant
Good Morning Mr. Ikari
by Ira GoldbergIssue IX - July 26th, 2000
Why is it that life just doesn't seem that damned interesting anymore? The more I see things in the world, the more I over-analyze, the more I try to get something out of what I watch or what I do, the more I try to experience some new revolution of thought.
If only I were so lucky...
Within the last two months, I started to reembrace Evangelion. Perhaps its the people I hang out with more, perhaps just the monotony thats become my life during this hectic summer before college, but for some reason I began to latch on to Evangelion again and I see things differently this time as I watch the series.
I am Shinji Ikari. Perhaps its a cruel irony that we both have the same body type, perhaps its also an irony that our voices change rather siginifigantly based on our mood; however, there is no denying the fact that I, Shinji Ikari, and Hideaki Anno are one in the same.
The more I look at things I do, I realize its simply for the praise of other people. My will isn't to work 40 hours a week, to continually display some kind of HTML genious for my age, to just analyze something thats wrong so I can fix it, its so people take interest in what I'm doing. If I were an EVA pilot, my goal would be that same as Shinji's as revealed in Genesis 0:10.
But there is the difference though. In the very end, Shinji got better. After the entire ordeal, all the drama that consumed his life that he never asked nor deserved, he became better. When am I supposed to become better?
Where's my challenge, my pandora's box, where the hell is my EVA?!? Shinji is driven to things by his circumstance. He came to Tokyo-3, he piloted the EVA, he did everything all for praise because it no longer existed where he was. Where's my new outlet. None looms over the horizon.
Please, whatever you do, DO NOT interpret this as some kind of suicide letter or outcry for help. Its not, its just an article about Shinji and me. Maybe I'm overanalyzing again... damn...
Can I go to bed yet?