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// janet jackson |
The evolutionary process uses natural selection as a tool to reward those individuals that have developed an advantage that helps them survive in their environment. Such advantages occur by means of mutation, and spread on through generations. With this concept in mind, I strongly assume that musician Janet Jackson would benefit immensly from a three foot neck. Her shapely body and luscious curves can only get her so far in life, and as she starts to look more and more like her brother, her success cannot retain such momentum. With a longer neck, Ms. Jackson would be capable of browsing the surface of the earth on all fours without the requirement to bend her arms when the need arises of pummeling her face into the ground.
If the threat of a nuclear war ever became a reality, Janet could burrow a hole in the ground, digging tunnels with use of her gigantic neck, eating small earthworms that survived the blast. Amazingly, these worms are learned in the ways of atomic warfare. Their worldwide network, run throughout the tunnels, has been the ideal way to obtain plutonium for the past two decades. These earthworms, in close contact with the ever evasive land cockroaches, know all and see all. They were there when the bombs were dropped on Japan. Janet Jackson was not. The worm network owned three casinos and eight Wet 'n Wild's across the nation. They functioned under everyone's noses, but completely out of sight. How were the humans supposed to know a bunch of worms owned a Wet 'n Wild water park? It was never up to them to ask such questions so long as they had the slides to go down.
After this abrupt, completely frivolous visit with the worms, Janet's neck elongates on her traversal to the land of the arctic. Her memories of pop stardom so far in the past, she never cared to look back. Nachos were never more than just small tortillas covered with cheese. The water balloons never held a disjunctioned human head in its entirety, but she was a fighter. Sometimes getting the complete upper cranium to fit into the rubber shell was her fundamental goal in such difficult times, yielding the remaining portion to an outlook of spliced reacquaintance with its lost counterpart. No more... this was her new life. The polar bears, the arctic roamers, did not accept her. Her false sense of security shattered; all that she had made herself to be was to be questioned. Remembering an old tale she had heard, she bought a red glow stick and attached it to her nose with masking tape. The bears, approached by the sister of the pop king once again, became deeply offended at the notion of a glowing red nose. The arctic roamers called upon the awesome power of the worms.
Showered by the rain of atomic weapons, the lead bear asked Janet in a tone so melancholy, "Why did you make this so, Ms. Jackson. Why did you bring to us our end? We had so much more to experience. Our lives were so full." The lingering darkness, engulfed with such hopeless depression, blurred by the tint of a windy white blizzard, the intense cold sedating the flesh with the sensation of a thousand needles... time was now ending. "I just wanted to belong", replied the desperate woman. "I just want to be accepted." The lead polar bear, looking at her with a glare of such skolding defiance, speaking above the explosions of the nearing apocalypse, spoke the wisdom that so many have forgotten, "Janet, all you had to do was be yourself. That's all you needed to be."
Thousands of bombs of the most destructive power now ripped apart the single place still thought to be safe. The hope of a world gone mad, now completely destroyed with menacing synthetic compounds coupled with the natural effects of gravity. Life brought itself to an end. The universe never to know again of such an existance. Now only comes end to the essence of purpose. Time is over. Space is an empty infinity. This day... the last.
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