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// online advertisers |
I realize these are troubling times for advertisers on the internet. People have gradually stopped clicking on those advertisement banners you see all over websites... wait a minute? I don't remember seeing them for the last three years or so. Why is that? Oh, I know! Because after hundreds of these pieces of shit appearing on my screen, my brain has developed a filter to them... disallowing any consideration to even aknowledge their existence.
But you know what? I respect companies that can keep their online advertising campaign down to a reasonably sized, informative banner ad. That's all they need. Even though I ignore these ads most of the time, the ones I'm interested in seem to catch my attention. Not a coincidence; this is the whole notion of targetting an audience... make sure the people that are interested in your service see your ad. What a relatively clean cut concept.
Unfortunatly, my respect for online advertisers has plummeted over the last two years in particular, as these gimmics have apparently devolved to the level of excrement you'd expect from corn thrusting chimps given a keyboard and half a clue.
Online Advertising Timeline:
- Simple, targetted, informative ads
- Ads with bigger font and lots of contrasting colors
- Flashing, seizure inducing ads with little information
- Popup ads
- Popup ads that pop something else up when you close them
- Popup ads that stay out of view, completely obliterating any purpose they may serve
- Ads that look like windows
- Ads that look like error windows
- Ads that have no message, but still look like error windows
- Ads that look like windows and include a false close button
- Punch the Monkey
- Ads that scroll with the browser
- Flash ads that popup on top of everything, but are technically not popups
- Flash ads with sound that make me shit my pants when I'm blasting music
- Movie previews at two frames per second and stuttering sound!
- Little cars driving across the text I'm trying to read, as if to say "Hey, look at me, I'm wasting your time!"
Where does it end?
- Little cars doing driveby's across your daily news
- Enlarged severed private parts
- Nude pictures of your parents
- Live executions
- Hidden live executions... you can't see them, but they are there!
This is getting out of hand. I used to think television commercials were a nuissance, at least they don't hover over the middle of my favorite shows, enducing seizures and encouraging me to punch a monkey. So, advertisers, what the fuck? Want my attention? Go neuter a polar bear with a pair of needle nose pliers. No need to advertise, I'm sure I'll hear about it.
...and here is the sad truth.
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