PoemPage5

There is a darkness residing within
Darkness that causes me to want to sin
I had thought to eradicate this one inside
Before she causes me to be sentenced and tried

Who is this one who wants to seek out men?
When will she leave? I want to know when!
When the knife cuts deep it hurts me not
It's the only weapon against her I've got

There must be some way to scare her away
A way to convince her to go elsewhere to play
I want to be whole, not fragmented like this
I want to be One person when I give a kiss

Instead there is Me, the good and the faithful
Then there is her, bad, dark, and lustful
Within me my logic, my intellect, and dreams all cry
Within her all my passions and fears doth lie

These parts of myself, how to combine them?
They are so diverse not of the same system
Which one is me? one, both, or all?
I seem to be stuck in an endless, spiraling fall

Maybe I belong on some street corner!
Better than here, an unconscious mourner
When you no longer know which one is you
You begin to wonder if you are lost in there too

Should I write my eulogy, say my goodbye?
Continue to fight? I know not why!
If the sickness resides deep within me
Then the good must be dying, so shall it be

I cannot allow this whore to ruin my life
She must be removed, impaled on the knife!
Once and for all, show her who's boss
But in the end who's the one with the loss?
3/22/96
This poem is about self hatred and trying to dissociate enough to remove the abuse from me and put it all on this other person. I am slowly (very slowly) accepting it as my experience although I still find I need other "aspects" too much to lose them. This is about the one I gave all the bad to then wanted to get rid of (as if the bad would go too!) I like to think I have a better outlook now * smile*