The Way Home ~ Part Two *** TEARS UNSHED ***

(Tsukushi)

6 Months later...

I was walking across the road. I could hardly see where I was going. In the shadows, I could barely hear Tsukasa and Rui shouting out my name. A light drizzle started. It quickly picked up and a massive thunderstorm started. All that ran through my mind was revenge. Reiko died at the hands of the same group of assassins who had injured Tsukasa. This time, though, they did their work clean. Reiko died. Fast. That was at least a consolation. The news hit me this morning. In the newspaper. My okaasan called. She was crying. She had never cried before. Not even when otousan died. She cried. The sound of the heart-rending cries tugged at my heart-strings. They snapped. In the distance, I could faintly make out a figure. I ran. No one could touch me.

When Reiko died, I should have been there. Instead, I was in Tokyo, having the time of my life. When he died in the hands of the murderer. I didn’t know what to think. They had kidnapped him for a ransom of US$25 million. My mother was fifteen minutes too late. When she got there with Reiko’s teacher, all they saw was a dead body. Red paint was sloshed everywhere. Some of it mingled with Reiko’s blood. A massacre except it was all planned out for one. They couldn’t finish off Tsukasa so they had to start on Reiko. There I stood in the raging storm. Nothing but a windbreaker covering me. It could have been a singlet for all I cared and I still felt chills run down my spine. I ran. No chances of Rui and Tsukasa catching me. The assailants were put behind bars. How could this have happened? They had another group. A group so powerful, they were more formidable than Doumyouji Kaede herself. So powerful, they had influential powers that spread halfway across the world. So powerful that they themselves could bring all active police to a halt.

I hated myself. For not being there to help prevent the incident. I could have help okaasan. I could have. When okaasan called me yesterday, I knew something was up. I stood there in the rain for awhile. In my windbreaker’s pocket was a wallet containing an identification pass and ¥30,000. I could hear pounding footsteps in the background. I ran faster. Barefooted, I slipped as a torrent of rain pelted my back. I fell onto the gravel, scraping my knees. An intense pain jolted up my leg like a streak of lightning. My old injury. I shivered. I looked out and saw only silhouettes of trees. Nobody. No car. No movement. Rui and Tsukasa. They were chasing. Let them chase. Let them do what they wanted. The war had just begun and already I had lost. My spirit disintegrate as I watched the world swirl. No. I hadn’t lost. I gritted my teeth as I struggled to stand up. I pulled the windbreaker closer to me. Despite the action, I failed to find any warmth. The news that day before had chilled me to the bone. Okaason had only me left. I couldn’t leave. She would die. Die of heartbreak. Faintly, I remembered Tsukasa telling me that no one could ever die of heartbreak.

I smiled cynically. That was past. Now, I was Tsukushi. Just Makino Tsukushi. Not Tsukasa’s. Rui’s? I do not know. I knew something though. If I could, I would leave. Leave and take okaasan with me. Coming back here was a big, big mistake. Although I had rarely seen Reiko these two years, there was this part of me which was willing to go back into my family. My family of three after otousan’s death. Now, it became two. A family of two.

If Reiko had died because of an illness that bitter taste in my heart would not have been there. No. He died at hands of a murderer. A murderer so deadly yet got his way. A murderer I swore to revenge. Stumbling on the rough asphalt, I bruised my already stinging feet. I felt a migraine coming. All I wanted to do was rest. Rest and never to wake up again. But then, I picture of okaasan swept through my mind. A picture when I was just a little girl. Okaasan was holding me close. I could still hear the words she said that night, “Tsukushi, okaason’s always there for you. The sky could fall and the ground crumble but I will be there as a shelter. I would never forsake you.” As a rush entered my body, I slumped onto the ground. My hands clenched. I saw the world through a vortex as my head spun. A lonely blackness touched my mind. I closed my eyes.
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As Tsukushi stirred, the sunlight shone into the room. The bed felt soft. Soft, unlike the ones at hospitals. She didn’t want to open her eyes. Despite the heavy blanket on her, she felt a chill in her body. A feeling of foreboding overwhelmed her. She touched her forehead. A migraine was coming on. She bit down on her lips. The pain was excruciating. She felt as though her head was about to split open. She clutched the blanket as tight as she could. That was the only way she could keep herself from screaming. Just then, a figure walked in. He was carrying a bowl. She didn’t notice him. She was in too much pain. The figure quickly settled the bowl on the side table.

“Tsukushi! What’s wrong?” he asked.

Someone was in the room. Yet she could hardly see him. The room was starting to become hazy. The voice was familiar but she couldn’t place it anywhere.

“Tsukushi,” the voice called again, this time more urgent. He placed a hand on her forehead. She jerked back as she felt pressure on her head.

“Go out…” her speech came out slurred.

“Please,” she cried softly. She was in intense pain. A trickle of sweat started rolling down. She gripped the side of her bed. The pain in her head was overpowering.

“No, we have to get her to a hospital,” another figure had entered the room. No, three other figures.

“Please, no- no hospital,” her mouth just let out the words. She couldn’t comprehend them.

Then, she used her two hands to clutch her head. She felt two pairs of hands forcing her to lie still. Then, a cool towel was placed on her head. The pain was subdued. By a little. She moaned softly. The world was spinning.
*
“We can’t let her carry on like this,” Akira said, head in his hands. “We have to bring her to a hospital.”

“Didn’t you hear what she said? She doesn’t want to go!” Tsukasa snarled.

“Tsukasa, get a grip. Tsukushi has to go to a hospital, like it or not. Her condition is not getting any better.” Rui intervened.

“She’s not getting worse isn’t she?” he snapped back.
“Yes, but we have to get her to the hospital where she can be treated properly,” Rui sighed. “It’s not like any of us have studied medicine…”

“Let’s just wait a few more days,” Soujiro said.
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Tsukushi kept as quiet as she could when she sat up. She didn’t want anyone rushing in to check on her. She looked around. It was familiar. The white-washed walls and the scenic lake curtains. An elegant white chest graced the room. As though it isn’t white enough, she thought irreverently. But despite the drab colors, the room was flourished to its fullest. It looked as though it was styled by a designer. Rui’s home. She was sure. Rui had always asked his mother to keep his rooms plain and white. What was decoration for? He just used the room for sleeping. So why waste money on the interior design? She almost smiled when a thought entered her mind. Reiko. He was murdered. She was prepared to feel that old fire blaze again but instead, came a calm demeanor. It was shocking to feel that steady coolness she had never felt since she entered Eitoku. She put a hand to her head, expecting a migraine any moment. She rubbed it. As she moved her elbow, it met a hard, smooth object. Tsukushi picked up the slender book. Her diary. The one Rui had bought for her. She smiled softly. He was so thoughtful. Opening the diary, she flipped to the other half of the diary. She started a new entry.
*
Dear Diary,

It has been a long time. I guess I was too rash. Reiko died 4 days ago. I guess I

couldn’t have done anything. I couldn’t blame myself. Still, I wanted to avenge

him. The make his death worth it. Yet, I knew it was almost impossible for me to

take them down. I think that I must have worried Rui and Tsukasa sick. These

past few months have been killer for me. First, there was Yuuki who left. I really

wanted to kill Soujiro for choosing Sara over her but I guess there was nothing he

could do. His mother had threatened to hurt Yuuki’s family if he didn’t take Sara. I

guess he felt very remorseful. At least he knew who he loved. Whereas, I was

still stuck in between Rui and Tsukasa. Soujiro had traveled from Tokyo to Hong

Kong to Canada where he found Yuuki. I guessed he must have found a way or

another and finally convinced her to go back with him. Then, there was the

departure of Tsubaki. Her mother had forced her to marry a gajin. He was the multi-

millionaire owner of the oil company. I had seen her a last time before she left for

Europe. We had met in secret. Tsubaki was in tears then. I never knew someone

so strong could be hurt so badly. She finally broke down in front of me. She also

asked me for something. She begged me to take Tsukasa back. She didn’t want

him to suffer the same fate as him. I had begged her to rise up again her mother

but she was resigned. She said that even if she didn’t go with the marriage,

Tsukasa would have to. Better her than Tsukasa she had said. Then, there was

the crucial demise of Reiko. Under the hands of a murderer. A murderer who

killed rich heirs. They were the same ones who had caused Tsukasa to have a

memory relapse.

16/6/03
Tsukushi

I closed the diary. Each word I wrote about Tsubaki and Reiko sent a dagger thru my heart. Each, a slap across my face. Each, a whip across my back. It hurt. A lot.
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I quickly sat up as I saw her stir. Her doe-like eyes held mesmerizing for me. After all these years I still could not forget the day she professed her love. Yet, how could it all have faded so fast? It would have been a lie to say that I wasn’t jealous of Rui. Who couldn’t be? He could have snapped his fingers and Tsukushi would come running. I guess all these sound bitter. At that very moment, I felt like pushing her into my arms, telling her how I missed her. She was essential to me like air was. Some how, I felt now one could ever take the place of Tsukushi. Tsukushi might have put me in a less important position in her heart, but I will do whatever it takes to win her back. She was mine and will be.
*
I woke up with a throbbing pain in my left knee. I turned to my left and saw Rui leaning his head against the bed. His eyes were closed. I smiled as he slept on, his face serene. I shifted to my right, trying to get up from the bed. Doing that, I woke Rui up. We stared at each other for a moment.

“Hi,” I said softly.

Rui gave a soft smile. “How’s your head?”

“Fine,” I said, tilting my head. “You spent the whole night here?”

“Yea,” Rui said sheepishly.

I smiled slowly as I struggled to get up from the bed.

“What are you doing?” Rui raised his brow. “You are still very sick,”

“Rui, shut up. Help me,” I said, secretly happy for his attention.

Rui rose and reached over. He lifted me into his arms. I blushed a fair shade of red.

“Up to now, I still cannot understand why you always do that,” Rui said as he ruffled my hair.
*
“You still brooding about Reiko?” Rui asked Tsukushi as they were walking along the sandy stretch of beach.

Tsukushi kept quiet as she stared at the ground. Both of them had taken of their shoes as to not let them get wet. She looked at Rui’s feet, callused after many years. She looked at hers. Scars of three days ago showed evidently on the soles of her feet. Ugly raw scars were stretched across her feet. She winced as she added pressure on them.
Rui sighed. Tsukushi could be that infuriating at times. She just refused to enter the conversation if it was a topic she absolutely refused to talk about.

“He’s gone, like Melissa, like Shizuka, like otousan… there’s nothing I can do,” Tsukushi said finally. She sighed.

Rui put an arm around her and a sad smiled wreathed upon his face.
********************************************************************************************

“Do I really have to?” Rui asked.

“Ok, I will.” He sighed as the caller hung up the phone.
*
Before long, F4 and Tsukushi were at the doorsteps or the luxurious Hanazawa Mansion. It was bigger than Tsukushi’s but that was expected. Nowadays, the Hanazawa’s stocks were reaching the same elevation as the Doumyouji’s.

“You sure about this?” Akira muttered in a low voice. Rui could understand his tension. His parents were very understanding about his studies but they could be very stiff around company he mixed with.

“Yea.” Rui said before reaching inside his pocket to take out a lock of keys. He fumbled with them, then twisted the padlock on the gate and stepped into the patio.

“Rui, there’s my boy,” a voice boomed into the hall.

Rui groaned inwardly. He knew his father was in one of his formal moods.

“Hi,” Tsukushi said tentatively as she stepped out of the shadows.

“Who’s this?” a soft voice called as a gorgeous lady stepped into the light.

“Tsukushi. Makino Tsukushi.” Tsukushi smiled politely, taking the hand offered to her.

“Ah, Makino Minu’s daughter? I am Hanazawa Yuri. Pleased to meet you,” Yuri smiled lightly as she shook Tsukushi’s hand. “You’ve grown prettier.”

Tsukushi flushed a crimson red. “Thank you.”

“F4? Long time no see.” Hanazawa Akin smiled as he turned to the three uncomfortable boys in the hall.

“Hanazawa-sama,” they greeted in polite unison.

“Well, I have asked the servants to prepare a large amount of Italian food. We had best be heading to the dining room. This way,” Yuri gestured to a hallway brightly-lit with fluorescent wall lamps.”
*
Tsukushi sat at the third seat at the marble table. She looked around her. The panels on top of the walls were adorned with very tiny silver stars. They were so tiny, you had to squint to get a better view. The walls itself were a plain white but the furniture which was enclosed in them were very exquisite and elegant.

“Tsukushi dear, what do you do nowadays?” Yuri asked her, shaking her out of her slight daydream.

“Me? Well, I go to school sometimes.” Tsukushi replied.

“Sometimes?” Akin asked.

“Yea, well, sometimes I am too tired or busy to go…”

“Oh, how did you get to meet Rui and F3?” Yuri asked.

“Well,” Tsukushi paused. She didn’t want to tell Rui’s parents about the red-tagging incidents.

“She enrolled in Eitoku,” Rui hastily replied.

“I know that, dear. I am not that back in modern news you know. I was asking, how? Eitoku is very big and I know F4 is not well-known for their friendliness…” Yuri smiled smugly.

“Well, actually, I was red-tagged by them,” Tsukushi bent her head.

“Really? Red-tag? But how is it that you all are so close?” Yuri asked curiously.

Tsukushi shifted uncomfortably. If she was to tell Yuri about her and Tsukasa’s past relationship, Rui would get uncomfortable and Yuri would ask if they were dating.

“Mom,” Rui said, frowning silently.

“Well, well. I guess these topics are not the ones that you’d rather be talking about… Ah, there’s dinner.” Yuri said as a platter of steaming spaghetti was laid on the table.

“Tuck in,” Akin said.

“Tsukasa, how is Kaede’s business?” Yuri asked as she helped herself to the lasagna.

“Okaasan’s business is blooming as usual,” Tsukasa said, causing a ripple of laughter.

“Glad to hear it…” Akin said.

“Let’s save all small talk for later. We’ll enjoy the five-course meal right now,” Yuri said.

Tsukushi caught a fading glimpse of relief on Rui’s face.
********************************************************************************************

“So, tell me dear, how did you meet Rui?” Yuri asked as she and Tsukushi sat down on the futon. Rui and the others had gone to the study to discuss a business deal and left Tsukushi with Yuri.

“Rui? Umm, actually,” she hesitated.

”I know dear, many people think we old folks have no eyes, but I know exactly what’s going on in Rui’s small circle of friend…” Yuri said, sighing.

“Well you see, a friend of mine had offended Tsukasa and well, I stupidly assaulted him by reprimanding him. From that day onwards, he made my life sheer hell.” Tsukushi remarked dryly. “Then, I… I kinda had a crush on Rui,” Tsukushi blushed. “But he had Shizuka then, so he ignored me. But we soon grew to be fast friends. He was always there for me when I needed him.” She smiled.

“I understand you and Tsukasa were a couple… what happened?” Yuri asked curiously.

Tsukushi stopped short. “I… I don’t think that’s a good thing to talk about right now…” she trailed off.

“Why not? But, I will not push you any further if you do not want to talk about sensitive issues. So, what is your relationship with Rui now?”

Tsukushi bit her lip. She didn’t know how she felt about Rui. That was one of the most frustrating things in her life. “I guess I really do not know…”

“Do you… do you love him? Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to probe… but I just would like to find out more about Rui’s social life. He doesn’t really tell me anything,” she said, shaking her head sadly.

“He doesn’t really have one,” Tsukushi said dryly.

Yuri laughed lightly. Tsukushi could see her face crinkle up into a pleasant façade. It was then she realized how pretty Hanazawa Yuri was. Her auburn hair caught the light of the wall lamp.

“But, he really is a very good friend,” Tsukushi said, sighing softly to herself.

She did not notice the light look that held place in Yuri’s eyes.

Soon, you will know that you love Rui, she thought to herself. I just hope it will not be too late.
*
I sat in the leather chair, half-hearing the hearty discussing Hanazawa Akin was having with Rui, Akira and Soujiro, when a knock on the door came. A girl no older than Tsubaki stepped into the study.

“Hanazawa-sama, madam has requested for you and your guests to join her in the dining room. Hanazawa-san,” she looked at Rui. “She also requests that Rui bring a violin.”

“Violin?” Rui raised his eyebrow.

“Ok, you may go now,” Akin made a sweeping motion with his hand. Along the way, we stopped by Rui’s bedroom to get his violin.
*
“Yuri? What is this about?” Akin asked as he entered the dimly-lit room.

“Rui? Good, you have your violin. Tsukushi-chan also has hers. You will play a song for us.” Yuri said.

I was shocked. When Yuri asked me to go to the music room to pick out a violin, I didn’t think this was what she had in mind.

“I am sorry but I only know how to play one song.” I said.

“Then play that song!” Yuri said.

I looked at Rui. He knew what song I was going to play. We sat on the two chairs that had been set up for us. I opened the casing as Rui did the same. I tested the strings and looked at Rui. He nodded his head. I began to play.

“The “Spring in Autumn”!” Akin murmured softly, nodding his head.

Before long, the spacious room was filled with light and up-lifting music. After the first rendition, Rui began. It was a soft and unnoticeable cannon but to the both of us, it was natural and heard. I closed my eyes and felt myself sway as I pushed the bow against the wire-like strings. I had memorized the entire piece which was four pages long. I heard Rui stop. I opened my eyes. I was about to end when Rui said, “Go on,” I smiled slightly and began again. I could feel my body alongside with the light music. It was as though I was part of the music. I pulled the bow lower and opened my eyes. I heard soft rounds of clapping. I smiled lightly.

“That was great,” Rui said as he looked into my eyes. I walked over to him and hugged him.

“You taught me,” I whispered.

We pulled apart.

“Wonderful,” Yuri said. “I presume Rui is your “teacher”?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “A wonderful one too.”
********************************************************************************************

Tsukushi sat on the foot of Rui’s bed. She looked at the figure on the bed. Way to go. Not past half an hour and Rui already fell asleep. She rose and walked over. She grinned slightly and jabbed Rui in the waist.

“Don’t do that,” Rui grunted as he went back into his dreamland.

Tsukushi smiled softly as she stepped out of the room.
*
Tsukushi sat in the futon, stirring her latte.

“I’m sorry! I’m late!” Shigeru slipped into the brown chair. She was panting and her hair was in tangles.

“What happened?” Tsukushi asked, concerned.

Shigeru smiled. “I saw this ad in town. It’s an ice-skating festival in Osaka!”

“So? No… You are not telling me what I think.” Tsukushi said hurriedly.

“Why not? You won’t be alone; we can go together, along with F4! Isn’t that cool?” Shigeru smiled again.

“Wait a minute. This is so abrupt! So fast! But why are you so interested in ice-skating now?” Tsukushi asked as she leaned back.

“I got a new pair of ice-skates from okaasan yesterday. It would be so cool. I haven’t been skating in quite awhile.” Shigeru said dreamily.

“Competition? We have to practise you know? It isn’t just a piece of cake…” Tsukushi said, frowning.

“I know! But there are different categories! We could enter the intermediate one!” Shigeru said, getting more excited.

“Intermediate?” Tsukushi echoed. “We don’t even know if we can pass amateur!”
She laughed.

“Why not? You do actually think too low of yourself!” Shigeru frowned.

“It’s not exactly that but you can’t actually think too highly of ourselves too,” Tsukushi remarked dryly.

“Tsukushi! It’s just for the sake of skating! We’re just gonna have fun!” Shigeru said.

“In that case...”
*
They were sitting in Tsukasa’s living room when Shigeru brought up the skating issue.

“Why not? That’ll be cool,” Akira nodded his head enthusiastically.

“Count me in!” Soujiro agreed.

She turned to Tsukasa and Rui.

“I’m cool with it,” Rui nodded.

“Tsukasa?” Shigeru asked.

“I can sponsor you all with new skates,” he said, a smile lighting up his face.
*
Putting on her skates, Tsukushi admired them. The skates were a snowy white color and the laces were a raven black. The blade was thin and sturdy as she stood up to test them. She ambled awkwardly to the ice where Rui was already testing his skates.

She put her feet on the clear, cold ice. She slid gracefully forward. The ice was a smooth and even ground. She skated closer to Rui.

“This is cool, I’ve almost forgotten how lovely it is to be on ice,” Rui remarked.

“Yea,” Tsukushi said, smiling. She took his hand and started skating around the rink. They were soon joined by F3 and Shigeru.

“No offense, Shigeru, but we just don’t have the synchronizing techniques!” Akira remarked dryly.

“Who says so? We can hire a coach,” Shigeru argued.

“And learn all there is to learn in a month?” Soujiro challenged.

“No way!” Tsukasa cut in.

“You all are so pessimistic!” Shigeru said.

“Yea, not everyone is so happy-go-lucky like you,” Akira muttered.

“Actually, it is possible. We could hire a coach, start vigorous training everyday and we might be able to enter,” Tsukushi mused.

“Your houses all have skating rinks. Mine doesn’t.” Tsukasa said.

“Why not?”

“Kaede doesn’t permit skating. She says Tsukasa might fall and break his leg,” Akira explained, laughing.

“You all could go to my house to skate… we have top facilities.” Shigeru said.

“Too far! From my house to yours, it takes an hour to get there!” Soujiro laughed.

“Tsukushi? Maybe we could go to yours,” Rui asked. “It’s in the central.”

“Me? Yea, I guess we could.”

“Wait a minute, this is progressing very fast. We can dance on ice, yea, but synchronizing? I don’t think that’s possible!” Akira cut in.

“If I remember clearly, you were the first one to agree.” Soujiro remarked wryly.

“Yea, whatever. I just don’t wanna look like a fool in front of everyone.” Akira said.

“We won’t. Trust me,” Shigeru said.

“We’ve done that plenty of times. And you’ve given us plenty of reasons not to.” Tsukasa said under his breath.
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There was this one particular feeling that stayed in Tsukushi. A dreaded moment when time would come and take away all she treasured. A dreaded time when her loved ones would be stripped off her. She felt that one powerful dreaded moment that day Reiko died. She still bore that feeling deep in her. She just didn’t let it float up. She didn’t want to burden any one. She only showed her emotions when she had control over them. That was how it worked. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy. Her friends gave her many reasons not to be. It was just that when she stood alone, under the vast skies, she would feel that dread welling up in her. When she was alone. But she rested assured. For Rui and Tsukasa would never let her be. Yet, she knew, that fire in her blazed once, and would blaze again.
********************************************************************************************

She lay still on the bed, waiting for sleep to overtake her senses. A soft knock interrupted her. The door opened and Tsukasa stepped inside, in his hands was a small bouquet of flowers. She smiled softly in surprise and delight.

“What are you doing here?” She asked slowly.

“Tsukushi, I’m not going to let you go again.” Tsukasa cried softly as he swept the petite girl into his firm arms.

She cried out, startled. She squirmed. But barely. She didn’t react to his touch and hug. She just sat there, waiting for things to sink in.

“Haven’t you heard me?” Tsukasa pulled away.

“Yes, I did.”

But why are you still so…. Expressionless?” Tsukasa asked, shaking the thin girl by the shoulders.

She used a hand to shrug his hands off.

“This is not the way to treat me,” she sneered icily.

“What did I do? I’ve missed you all the time you were with Rui. All the years you spent abroad. Every single second you were away, brought me antagonizing pain!” Tsukasa cried out.

She sat on the bed, taken aback. Such feelings for a savage of a man to be revealed, so shocking. This was the one man who had given her the world. She had rejected it. Was it time to take it back? She didn’t know, she was going to find out now.

“I’ve also loved you, right from the beginning.” She said softly as she placed a palm on his face. A bout of uncertainty hit her. Loved him? She did. But love him? She soothed away her fears, telling herself she was the lone person who had given her love to Tsukasa and stole his heart.

“Could we… could we begin again?” Tsukasa asked, not daring to believe the turn of the situation.

Tsukushi paused. She had never taken time off to think about this. She pushed away all doubts and held him in her arms.

“Yes,” She said, her voice muffled. “We can,”
*
As they made their way onto the skating rink, holding hands, the four other people already there, turned towards them. Tsukushi flushed furiously. She took in all there facial expressions. On Shigeru, there was a mixture of awe, regret and happiness. Soujiro, a mixture of complete perplexity and awe. Akira was just stunned. She turned slightly to Rui. She had expected to see anger and unhappiness on his normally expressionless face. Instead, what she saw threw her off track. On his face was a slight happiness. A cynical happiness. She smiled softly to herself. But a prick of doubt poked her. Hadn’t Rui always found a way to keep his emotions from getting to her? Yet as she looked at Rui again, his head was focused on his blades. He was working on the laces furiously. She seemed to be the only one noticing him. The rest of them were talking to Tsukasa. She knew that he was venting his feelings on the laces. What exactly were those feelings? She couldn’t tell. She let go off Tsukasa’s hand. She smiled saying she would be back soon. She walked off in the direction of Rui, separated from the bustle of the other group.

“Rui,” she called out.

Rui turned and looked up at her. He gave her a smile.

“What’s up?”

She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Didn’t Rui even care? Wasn’t Rui able to see the state of sheer delight, mixed with apprehension, she was in? He didn’t even care? Didn’t he love her?

“Oh, nothing, I best be joining Tsukasa now,” she forced a smile on her face. She beat her head. What was she trying to do? Stir some emotions out of Rui? She shook her head. Now, she was with Tsukasa. Nothing could change that.

She was too preoccupied in her thoughts; she didn’t notice the sad look Rui’s smile conveyed.
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He lay on the king-size wearing a white shirt and khakis. His hair was unruly because of all that tossing and turning. His face had pressure marks because of leaning on the pillows. Every minute or so, Tsukushi’s face entered his mind. He could see apparent joy on her face. He smiled cynically. Yet, there was a feeling in her face even he could not read. Maybe she had blocked that feeling from showing? She had that gift but Rui had always been able to penetrate her trail of thoughts… why not now? Maybe Tsukushi did the right thing y going back to Tsukasa. Wasn’t he the one that she loved the most? Yea, she loved him but… in a different way. All along, he had been the one there to see her through. He knew her better than she knew herself. Yet, could that have been a platonic relationship? He knew that in the past when she spent time with him, she always longed for Tsukasa. Losing Tsukasa would have been a dagger in her heart. Yet, he was the first one she fell head over heels in love with him. He smiled sadly. He had her the last time but he didn’t treasure her. Maybe that was retribution. Maybe that was the consequences of spending more time with her than he should have.
*
Tsukushi paced around the garden, mind on something. She felt a sharp sting when she recalled the way Rui had reacted to the news. Smiling scathingly, she faintly recalled Rui telling her that he loved her. Maybe that was in the past. Maybe…just maybe, he didn’t care for her. Every negative thought of Rui sent shudders down her spine. She tried getting that inexpressive face out of her mind but it seemed like all it ever did was sit there and stare at her, poking into her thoughts. Entering her soul.
*
Tsukasa was at his table working. Every now and then, a smile crept onto his face. He was ecstatic that Tsukushi had actually forgiven him. A knock sounded on the door, yanking him out of his sweet daydream.

“Don’t you know who to knock softly?” he asked looking down at the piles of papers to be signed.

“Don’t you know a proper way to address your mother?” Kaede demanded.

“Okaasan!” Tsukasa looked up. “When did you come back? I thought you were staying in New York till the 15th of July?” He groaned inwardly.

“That doesn’t matter. I see your father has piled the work on you. It’s better that way. You won’t have time to sneak off and play with your good-for-nothing friends. Are you still dating that Makino girl?” She asked, eyes stony.

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.” Tsukasa answered levelheadedly.

”Hmmp,” Kaede snorted inelegantly. “Didn’t you two already break up? Now she’s back again?”

“We made up.” He answered coolly.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you but Rian Tanakei, Enya Tanakei’s daughter, has her eyes on you. Not to mention other girls.”

“So? They don’t mean a thing. You cannot force me to do something I don’t want to.” Tsukasa snorted.

“Oh? We will see when the time comes,” Kaede smiled tightly as she spun and walked out of the office. Tsukasa’s eyes bore into her back. If looks could kill, she could have been lying on the floor face down, dead.
********************************************************************************************

Tsukasa held Tsukushi’s hand as they cruised down the street. Tsukushi felt an excited flutter as she clung tightly on the firm, reassuring grip. All of a sudden, her thoughts drifted to Rui. She patted her head softly, as though trying to get the thoughts out of her head. She was soon taken into a boutique.

“Try something on. It’s been a long time since I’ve splurged on you,” he said with a boyish grin.

Tsukushi smiled softly. She felt guilty for thinking about Rui when Tsukasa was so nice to her.

“Don’t worry, I can buy my own things,” she smiled as she squeezed his hand.

She let go and walked towards a rack of chiffon dresses. She scanned through all the evening gowns and finally saw one that she liked. It was a thin strapped dress. It white with and imprint of a flower on the bottom left.

She took out her credit card and proceeded to the cashier’s counter. She didn’t want Tsukasa to pay for this gown.
*
She glanced at the white dress lying on her bed. She finally figured why she had bought such a simple yet elegant dress. The flower –hana- on the bottom left had a significant meaning for her. It was a long ago memory of a childhood experience by the countryside where many flowers grew untamed. Such was prettier as they weren’t trimmed to perfection. Perfection was not natural. She sighed as she rummaged through her bag on top of the futon. Just a week ago, she had moved back into the Makino mansion. Yet, it was still so bare, so cold. Minu was at a temple where she would be staying temporarily to recover from her heavy shock. Her hands touched a hard-cover book. Her diary. She picked it up and set it on the table. She began writing.

…………………………And despite all that, I still cannot forget Rui.

Tsukushi
21/6/03
*
Rui was at the hot springs in Osaka. He had made a secret trip there. He didn’t want any of the F3 to follow him. He needed time to think. Time to accept the truth. He couldn’t deny it longer, could he? Tsukushi wasn’t his. He let the hot smoke envelop him. It had been a long time since he had a real taste of love. Shizuka was the first one to give it to him. His feelings for her began to change. Tsukushi was the other but not really the other. Yea, she had fallen head over heels in love with him in the beginning. But the rest of the time belonged to Tsukasa. Just a year ago, she was confused with her feelings. He just sat waiting patiently. Now, the one he loved was with his best friend. Someone he would never betray if the emotions of love weren’t so strong. Yet, not a minute passed without the gleam of her hazel eyes caught light in his mind. It was time to forget, wasn’t it? He shook his head sadly. Now that Shizuka was gone, Tsukushi almost, he had no one to confide in. His mother was a no-no. She had never really understood him the way Shizuka and Tsukushi did. F3? He couldn’t really tell them anything without being gawked at. He was very intense. His life was very deep. No one had ever been able to fully understand his meaning except for the two girls. One was gone. Forever. He couldn’t bear to lose the other. It is for her own good, he thought, she has been waiting forever to find true love. That is in Tsukasa. Not me.
*
Soujiro

I can never understand the complicated love triangle of Tsukasa, Tsukushi and Rui. It had always remained a mystery to me. I think it also is a mystery to them. For me, I’ve learnt not to take life so seriously. It’s time for people to loosen up. Now, Tsukushi’s back with Tsukasa. Why the rash decision though? Didn’t she resolve not to get into another relationship? I couldn’t ever understand. Yet, this is somewhat different from my relationship with Yuuki. Although we had our relationship on the rocks a few time, I’ve really learnt to treasure her. I love her dearly. At least I know I love her more than Sara. I just wish Tsukushi could be clearer about her feelings for my both best friends. I’m very sure Rui was very hurt. I knew he flew off in his private plane. He thinks Akira and I don’t know about his frequent trips to the hot springs in Osaka to think. I basically think he goes there to “revitalize” himself. Life had always been hard for him. First, he had autism. Then, came the death of Shizuka. One he held very dear. Now, it was Tsukushi. The one he held dearer than Shizuka. The one he didn’t realize he loved until it was too late.
*
Tsukasa

Tsukushi was back with me. In my arms. I wonder though, what could have caused her to change her decision. I could have sworn I felt a glimmer of hope in her eyes when she saw Rui. I try not to be too pessimistic but Rui was the one that always could really understand her. I try all my best to understand the complexity of the “triangle” between us. I guess Rui, who is the deepest thinker, can’t even understand it. For the past few nights, I have spent them without sleep. I try to picture my life without Tsukushi. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t. I could do it without seeing Rui in the picture. I knew I was supposed to hate Rui. He is my best friend. I couldn’t bring myself to hate him. I don’t even think I am really capable of doing so. I just hope that Tsukushi has come back to me for good.
*
Tsukushi
It was time to say all goodbyes to Rui, all those pleasant memories only he could have given me. It was time to face the harsh reality. I chose Tsukasa and I was going to stick by him. I couldn’t let anyone get hurt by my rash indecisions. I was going to stick by who I chose. Even if it killed me.
 

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