"A fellow with a red bag having sleeves to it for a coat; with two red bags without sleeves to them for trousers, with an embroidered and braided bag for a vest, with a cap like a red woolen saucepan; with yellow boots like the fourth robber in a stage play; with a mustache like two half-pound paint brushes, and with a sort of a sword-gun for a weapon, that looks like the result of a love affair between an amorous broadsword and a lonely musket; discreet and tender--that is a Zouave."

"A fellow who can pull up a hundred and ten pound dumbbell: who can climb up an eighty foot rope, hand over hand, with a barrel of flour hanging to his heels; who can do the "giant swing" on a horizontal bar with a fifty-six tied to each ankle; who can walk up four flights of stairs, holding a heavy man in each hand, at arms length; and who can climb a greased pole feet first carrying a barrel of pork in his teeth--that is a Zouave."

"A fellow who can jump seven-teen feet four inches high without a spring board; who can tie his legs in a double bow knot round his neck without previously softening his shin bones in a steam bath; who can walk bound in tight rope with his stomach outside of nine brandy cocktails, a suit of chain armor outside his stomach, and a stiff northeast gale outside of that; who can take a five shooting revolver in each hand and knock the spots off the ten of diamonds at eighty paces, turning somersaults all the time and firing every shot in the air -- that is a Zouave."

	-Daily Intelligence, Wheeling, Western Virginia, Feb. 23, 1861

• You see a girl walking down the street and you wonder how she'd look in a hoop skirt.
• You've ever bought a car or truck based in part on its ability to carry all your reenacting gear.
• You think that brogans are actually comfortable.
• You see a piece of property while driving down the highway and remark, "That'd be a good site for a reenactment."
• Your living room table is covered with paper and black powder for rolling blanks.
• You've become accustomed to the taste of black powder, and now sprinkle it on your food.
• You like loud noises and fire.
• You know why hardtack is called hardtack.
• You can write off a thousand dollars worth of guns on your tax returns.
• You'll wreck a $70.00 pair of shoes to check out a possible reenactment site.

10.   Our Lt. is younger than most of the reenactors.
 9.   We have a Vivandiere to bring us refreshments mid-battle.
 8.   Our pants match the red roadster you dream about.
 7.   The food!
 6.   You always know where your unit is, just look for the red.
 5.   Dying gloriously in battle is our #1 priority.
 4.   We have lots of room in our pants.
 3.   Hand to hand is our goal in every battle.
 2.   More food!

Special Zouave Commands and Maneuvers

Zouave Shuffle

A dead sprint forward while emitting a loud yell.

Zouave Rest

A standing position, staring at the ground in a reserved yet infuriated manner.

Zouave Greeting

Standing in an exposed position in front of the enemy with the rifle held at the first band, the weapon is shaken above the head while bellowing in a manner that would resemble a Zoua Oua native.

Zouave Mess

Mess call in a Zouave camp can consist of roasted boar, entire sides of beef, venison or possibly sea food if the sea is within Zouave running distance. (approx. 150 miles)

Zouave Assault

A rush forward of all Zouaves with bayonets fixed, rifles loaded, and pistols cocked, yelling for the entire duration.

• (NOTE: This maneuver is unstoppable except in the case of complete disembowelment and dismemberment of all Zouaves involved. And this may only be achieved when they have riddled by bullets of at least a .44 caliber diameter in all vital areas of the body. Calibers of .36 or below are typically ineffective except at angering the attacker even further.)

Zouave In Place Rest

Lounging in chairs at the end of the battle line with a cold drink in one hand and a rifle in the other as you harass the other troops standing in line.

A little known part of the Zouave history is that their uniform was changed from the browns and tans of it's origin to a bright vibrant red for the purpose of blending in with the surrounding topography. It was first tested in the Crimean war against the Russians. A Russian Captain by the name of Zorkey Gookoff, remarked, "It was always difficult to see the Zouaves until they were almost upon us with the bayonet." Thus, we can see that the baggy red pantaloons and particularly the yellow tassel swinging in the air were wonderful additions to the uniform that so optically deceived the enemy.
Even as late as WWI the deceptively clothed Zouaves were seemingly the only units that were able to sneak up on German machine guns, undetected, blending in with the green of the French country side. It was said by one Zouave of that era, "Whoever just ordered that assault was a moron." As is anyone who believed what they just read...