DAMSEL IN THE ROUGH at Barnes & Nobles Also at Amazon.com

The era is Ancient Greece during the start of the Roman Empire. Amazon warriors travel in secret tribes, not always getting alone with each other. The world is a deadly, changing place afflicted by the superior technology of gods. Damsel in the Rough is Tasha Malone Fidelli, a resourceful co-ed and unwitting time-traveler from Brooklyn, New York. Excellent Sci-fi, active, packed with valid survival techniques, unique questions about prehistory events, and mostly adventure with rampant humor mixed in the lore of mythological fancy. SAMPLE TEXT: This is Chapter 4 split into small pages, no frames, and much kinder to WEBTV browsers. _____

Real Estate Terms

 
Sophisticated City Living - next to a noisy bar.
 
Old World Charm - Has some woodwork, needs cleaning.
 
Contemporary Feeling - Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.
 
Close to Lakes - Impossible to park on street from April to October.
 
Picturesque setting - Abandoned cars and waist-high weeds on neighbors lots.
 
Wide Open Floor Plan - previous owner removed supporting walls.
 
Updated Kitchen - Sink no longer overflows.
 
Security System - neighbor has dog.
 
Needs TLC - major structural damage.
 
Motivated Seller - been on market for 14 years.
 
Convenient - next to freeway onramp.
 
Mint condition - spilled mouthwash on floor.
 
Neutral Decor - No murals of nudes or Elvis.
 
Move-in Condition - front door missing.
 
Cozy - no room bigger than 9'x 6.'
 
Light, Open spaces - many holes in walls.
 
Outstanding - sticks out like a sore thumb... 

SCIENCE and MEDICINE



The following list of phrases and their definitions might help
you understand the mysterious language of science and
medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone
reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.

"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"... I didn't look up the original
reference.

"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"... These data are practically
meaningless.

"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO
THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope
to get it published.

"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"... The
other results didn't make any sense.

"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"... This is the prettiest graph.

"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"... I might get
around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

"IN MY EXPERIENCE"... Once

"IN CASE AFTER CASE"... Twice

"IN A SERIES OF CASES"... Thrice

"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"... I think.

"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"... A couple of others think
so, too.

"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"... Wrong.

"ACCORD1NG TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"... Rumor has it.

"A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF
THESE FINDINGS"... A wild guess.

"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"... Three pages of
notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.

"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE
A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"... I don't
understand it

"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"... They don't
understand it either.

"THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE
EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS"... Mr.
Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it
meant.

"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"... A totally
useless topic selected by my committee.

"IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER
1NVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"... I quit.

Whoopi Goldberg, Harvey Keital. Whoopi Goldberg plays a Reno lounge singer who hides out as a nun when her villainous boyfriend (Harvey Keitel) goes gunning for her. Maggie Smith is the mother superior who has to cope with Whoopi's unorthodox behavior, but the cute script turns the tables and shows how the latter energizes the stodgy convent with song and attitude. A real crowd-pleaser and a perfect vehicle for Goldberg, this is a happy experience all around.

WHOLLY HOLY BLOOPERS

The tradition of holy howlers popping up in religiously related documents continues undimmed. Witness the following sampling of bona fide bloopers culled from various church bulletins and orders of service:

-The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind, and they can be seen in the church basement Friday afternoon.

-This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north end of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

-For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

-The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

-The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

-This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. White to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

-The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.

-Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

-Tuesday at 5 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early.

-Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

-Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

-On a church postcard:

[] I have received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour.
[] I would like a personal call.

-Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say, "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

-A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

-Today's sermon:

HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK?
with hymns from a full choir.

-On a church bulletin during the minister's illness:

GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better

---

Steve Martin, Debra Winger. When con-man turned preacher Jonas Nightingale rolls into a small town plagued by drought and unemployment he has two things on his mind... getting his truck fixed and separating the locals from what little money they have. Before the film ends he finds himself in the center of a situation that borders on the supernatural. As Jonas finds himself doing the right things for the wrong reasons this hardened huckster finds himself in the last position he expected to find himself... out of control. This movie looks at the life of a traveling evangelist/flim-flam man with an honesty that is at the very least unsettling. It shows some of the "tricks of the trade" in a way that makes you wonder about even the most sincere traveling evangelists. Plus, this film is backed up by some of the finest gospel music ever put on a movie soundtrack. The scene with the choir singing acapella as the crew put up the tents is worth the price of the movie. Steve Martin does a great job as Jonas. Supporting players Debra Winger and Liam Neeson and Meatloaf round out a fine cast. I highly recommend this film

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JOKES

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