In Loving Memory of Grace




Daddy’s Grieve too

It must be so hard on you to be a Dad who grieves,
when real men don’t cry or become upset
only women do you are told to believe.

Your dreams are gone ,
your future’s changed
Your wife’s just not the same,
You hold your head as high you can
and play your part of the game

Your heart just tells you differently,
It aches and hurts you so,
When will someone give you permission
to let your emotions show?

They ask you how your wife is,
Ignoring the fact you hurt too,
You answer the question but always wonder
when will they ask about you.

Keep the memory alive of the child you love
and your love will always shine through .
And maybe one day this world will know
That Daddies always grieve too

Written for me by my wife
DO NOT COPY WITHOUT PERMISSION



As Theresa has told our story I would like on my page to say a little about men in grief. To lose Grace is the hardest thing I have ever had to live through and something I never thought would happen. My life is a lot different to pre Grace days, Theresa and I have both changed and my outlook on the world has as well. In most ways I feel I have changed for the better as I appreciate life so much more, especially Zachary and my time spent with him. I hope you gain something from reading my page and my sympathy to you if you are here as a sad Daddy.


Marriage statistics are not that great if you have lost a child, I think it is something like 80% don’t make it. I can say we have but not without a lot of hard work. It is something we both have felt very strongly about and I remember Theresa saying to me not long after Grace died, “This is not going to destroy us”. at times the enormity of grief felt like it might but we have survived.

For me one of the things I found the hardest was that this was happening to my daughter and family and I had no control over it. As a Father and husband I should be able to protect them and keep them safe from harm. I hated the out of my control feelings and just wanted to make it all better. I just wanted to go back to work to be away from it all. I wrongly thought that being away would stop the pain but it didn’t. Hiding away at work doesn’t help anything.


The hardest time on our marriage was perhaps three months later, I feel I was over my initial grief and Theresa was just starting hers. I also had been out of work since two weeks after Grace’s death due to a uncompassionate employer, this did not help. She asked me to leave numerous times and a few times I did but always after reassuring her I loved her and that Grace’s death was not her fault. Wives take on a lot of blame through the death of a baby and as unrealistic as it may sound believe me to them it makes sense. I know at times my wife called herself a murderer and all. I probably at the time wasn’t as understanding as I am now, it just seemed so stupid. We need to reassure them of our love and tell them many many times it wasn’t their fault and they did nothing to cause it.





My advice if you are a friend, relative or colleague of bereaved parents.

Always mention the child by name and if at work at least acknowledge that a child was born and died. Bringing it up does that cause pain to parents, it is far more painful if you say nothing.

Ask how the Father is, many many people ask the Father how the wife is but not many at all ask how we are. We have feelings too and need to be acknowledged.

Offer practical support, bring food, offer to mow the lawns or take surviving children to the park. Everyday tasks are almost impossible for bereaved parents to do. Offer to help practically instead of just saying if you need anything ring me. Grief makes it hard to make decisions and while it may sound easy to ring and say do something its not for hurting parents. If you offer I am sure they will be pleased and accept your offer.

Last but not least don’t forget about bereaved parents, our loss does not just get better or we don’t ever get over it. Every special day or anytime we see a child that age we still hurt. Offer a kind word or a hug it will mean the world to sad parents.




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