kajira

Gorean Comedy Central

I'm a Kajira now? What??

We've all been there, you wake up one morning and you know, you just know you are something different from all your friends, you feel an aching need to have steel around your neck, you think of a man and you start to drip, the idea of being on your knees for something other than scrubbing the floor and cleaning up the hair ball the cat deposited last night, and picking the play dough out of the carpet and looking for your contact lens and while you are down there realizing there is enough food on the floor to sustain a small third world country.....ummmm.. sorry, I digress, (clears her throat to continue) and you suddenly can't stop talking in third person you know... you are a kajira. What do you do now? Follow I R A Goreans simple plan, and you will find your admittance into Gor to be most pleasant, and easy.

Getting a Collar

Having a collar is one of the most important things you can do, towards being recognized as a real Gorean. You must obtain a collar at all costs.  Of course a personal collar is what you want, but Masters can be funny about just giving them away. You must prove yourself first, so we recommend within 1 week of coming online, you find a tavern, and beg a tavern collar. This will give you the initials after your name you seek, and the credibility you need to survive on GOR. Once your tavern collar is in place, it is important to keep moving forward with finding a personal collar. Any slave worth her salt, will have a personal collar firmly in place within 2 weeks of landing on Gor. If this isn't true, we recommend the remedial "How to be a Pleasing Slave" course, which can be ordered in the general store. There are many ways to move that along, see the chapters on dancing, dripping, and serving.

Dripping

This is a fairly self explanatory section. When you are a slave, you drip. For some it is a medical condition, but we slaves know it for what it is... pure unadulterated lust and need. To paraphrase Descartes, "We drip, therefore we are slaves" The trick, though is to accurately describe your drippiness. Words like juice, moistness, glistening slave heat should be used repeatedly in describing yourself.

Describing Oneself in a Serve

Kajira... this is your time to shine! I don't care if you are 450 pounds, have 2 different colour eyes, a nose that makes Jimmy Durante's look small, all references to your warts and your hump should be limited. You are no longer short, you are now 5'10, your measurements are 40, 24, 36, you have tiny hands and feet, and your hair skims over your butt. It is either red or blonde, figure out what the Master likes best and then tell him. You speak in a lyrical voice, and you are 26 years old, not married, no kids and just smart enough to not be a bimbo. And you are dripping.

Serving

Serving is where you show how graceful you are. This is very important, because often, it is serving that causes you to drip. As a kajira, you are there to do two things.

Talk to your friends in whisper

Please Men

The order of importance is debatable, but both things should be accomplished. When you approach a man, you want to make yourself sound as sexy and alluring as possible. Refer to the section on describing your self in a serve.

When you walk, make sure your hips sway hypnotically, your breasts heave rhythmically, your tiny feet pad sensually and your glorious mane of hair tickles your butt.

When you bring the drink or bosk, to the feet of the man, there are a few things you must
remember. *Always* taste the drink. I have been witness to two cyber deaths, and it wasn't pretty. It
is so hard to gasp your last breath and type, and we are here to make things easier and more
pleasing for the men.

Also hold it to your rapidly beating heart for three beats.The purpose of this is not really known, but
it gives you a chance to get the vessel close to your heaving alabaster breasts.

Finally kiss the rim leaving the dewy imprints of your full lips on the side, turn the glass to him, and
offer him the residue of your love and devotion.

This should make you drip.

I am dripping just thinking about it.

Dancing

Dancing is basically finding a polite way to scene. An effective dance has you describing how you make yourself orgasm.

The pole dance, you use the pole to rub against until you climax.

The whip dance you use the whip to rub against until you climax.

The tile dance, you climax on the tiles.

The Belt dance, you climax below the belt.

Free form dancing is encouraged.

You can climax anyway you want, as long as you do climax. Of course, it goes without saying that you can dance in a way that would shame the best belly dancer, and you have the grace and poise of a prima ballerina, and the flexibility of a gymnast.

Dancing makes you drip lots.

Masters love it, when you dance, and drip and then lay yourself at their feet. (I need a moment... I am getting all flustered thinking about it.....) Okay I am all better now, I can continue to the next section.

But I am still dripping.

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