February 15th, 2001
I wrote to Lycos and it seems like my deluxe guestbook is gonna be down tll March.  oh well.  this is one of those times when I just hate change.  I wish I had more time to edit this page but it seems like time isn't on my side these days.  Lately I've just been taking life as it comes..trying not to worry too much.  I think the reason I worry too much most of the time is that I'm just one of those people who think too much..about every single thing. One great thing about living in the 21st century though is that much of the thinking has already been done for us.  We posess so much more knowledge than our predecessors, yet there are so many questions that have yet to be answered.  And then it's all a matter of perception..even when we have the "answers" we don't all see things the same way..which is actually a good thing..if only everyone were more openminded and could get along a lil better.

December 30, 2000
You know what pisses me off a lot these days?  The fact that all the media seems to be feeding us these days is crap.  I'm sure this was always the story but and I totally understand because it's all about ratings and what people what..and it seems that people want such things these days.  What has happened to ethics?

Most people surfing the internet know that it is wise to be critical of what we read and see online, but it's so easy to assume that we are given the *truth* when we see it on television, especially on the evening news.  I mean, the BCTV newshour is on top for one of the most watched "tv shows".  How much of the stuff they tell us are representative of what really is out there? Any sociology/crimminolgy student would be quick to tell you that most murders are by people you know rather than total stranger as the hungry viewer is lead to perceive.  And like reading a history book, we must remember that there is always another side to the story.  These days I much prefer to get the "up to the minute weather" report by looking outside, and I'm usually more knowledgeble about health issues by looking stuff up on the internet.  As for trivia, I get plenty on a daily basis--and I don't need to hear the news from a beautiful and articulate(and filthy rich) anchor person as I can read the newspaper.  At least I'm not fed the same "headline" over and over again as if I didn't have the ability to remember what is old and what is new.  Watching the  news is as bad as knowing nothing  if one is only a sponge.

December 28th, 2000
I've finally gotten to cleaning my room this week.  When I talk about messy rooms, most people do not realize how messy my room really is.  I would describe how it is, but I must admit I'm too embarassed.  I'm not a messy person though.  In fact I would consider myself a perfectionist.  The problem is that I can't seem to throw anything away that has any meaning to me and everything sees to have some meaning, no matter how trivial it is to others.  My family just calls it garbage and laziness...but I keep everything!  Old bus transfers, neat shopping bags from my favourite stores, and lots of stuff from school.  I swear one of these days I'm gonna get organized, get a filing cabinet and have everything in its place(although this would only make room for more "junk".)

December 08th, 2000
It's been a few months since I've updated this page.  My birthday has come and gone(I'm now 20) and the first semester is almost over.  What has changed?  I got new glasses-black/navy ones by Saki and I got a new job as a part-time sales associate at Banana Republic.  It's my first sales job so I'm kinda nervous.  My first shift is tomorrow.  My boyfriend is now a supervisor at his workplace and I'm happy for him.  What hasn't changed?  I'm still hard at work on that B.A. at UBC (3rd year) and as I mentioned earlier I'm still with my sweetie. And of course the weather is always changing...

Speaking of change, I've been thinking a lot about this lately.  I was talking to my friend Larry, and he was saying "people change".  I mean, as most people do, I do know this..it isn't a surprise.  But what if we change for the worse? instead of for the better?  And also we change so slowly we don't even realize it until one day we talk to an old friend who has known us forever and they say to our faces that we have changed?  How are we supposed to react? Accepting change is one thing, but accepting the fact that oneself has changed is not so easy. I mean, it's like a loss of self.  Am I better? Worse?  It feels like I have compromised certain qualities for others.  Can we have everything?  Today I took the charisma test and I realized my suspicions are true: that I have not only changed, but that I probably changed for the worst.  Maybe relationships don't change as much as the people.  When they say for better or for worse, do they also mean we have to love the person who we did not fall in love with?  Should we accept this loss? or should we work on the qualities that we once had? 

I don't want to make it seem like I've had no control over who I am/was, but the last few years have been so crazy.  I would get out of one dilemma and end up in another.  Relationships, failing, family crises..you name it..and all the while people were telling me that I was too nice, naive, and lacked self-esteem.  And so I worked on my confidence  and I learned to not so readily believe and accept what people tell me.  Now I am too critical, and even cold at times.  I find myself judging others...I've become the kind of person I never ever wanted to be.

off topic: My fav song for today: Matchbox 20's "If you're gone" =) it's so nice.
August 29th, 2000
Did you every have one of those moments when you feel as if you have grown??  I mean you have grown over a great amount of time, but it is at that instance that you feel...like you know for sure you are standing on the top of a new hill...and you could see all before you the little steps you took along your journey...and that you are a bit different from who you are when you first started with all your hopes and dreams, and of course, fears.

July 15th, 2000
As someone who's pro-choice, I believe every woman and man is entitled to their view on abortion, whether they think it's wrong or right.  Those who call themselves pro-life are free to share their opinions, but just as much as they are allowed to condemn abortion, the rest should be allowed to make their own choices.  How can I respect them, when they can't respect others??

Usually I am not one who's very political, and I try to avoid the whole debate on abortion; I am passive, but I am pro-choice.  This may anger many people(i have never had an abortion, but I know those who have), but it angers me just as much that some pro-life people think the answer is aggressive behaviour such as the recent stabbing of Dr. Romalis(he'd been attacked before).  I don't have much more to say, and you can bet that I will be voting in the next federal election and the new Alliance leader Stockwell Day and his "christian values" do not appeal to me.
 

June 27th, 2000
Life has its ups and downs, but I definitely enjoy the ups.

June 8th, 2000
I'm feeling pretty good today.  Sometimes I feel like nothing can get me down.  I remember like a month ago I was up late watching tv(another one of those bad days)..and I watched the movie "love story" for the first time.  The movie is just amazing, and I've added it to my favs list. 
A bit of love story(the midi).
"love means never having to say you're sorry"-from love story

May 23rd, 2000
As you can see, this page is getting a bit long(I'm moving my journal to pita.com as soon as I have the time to).  Anyway, the following entry is a long one..so enjoy.  All links open in new broswer window.

Over the past few years, I've become quite internet savvy.  There was once a time when I begged my friends to explain stuff like ICQ to me, but soon I realized that I could manage without their help.  Of course I was given a few pointers along the way, and I've made mistakes, too, but I've realized that to not venture out into the WWW, even alone, would mean missing out on a lot.

I consider myself an expert now on navigating the WWW.  The best thing that I've discovered is FREE lifetime internet service.  I once forked out $15-20/month for a half decent  ISP, but why bother?  Companies like Bluelight, altavista.com, and Mypoints.com offer free internet service for the small price of an ad banner. 

And long gone are the days when one had to worry about having your won email addy.  I have several , and hotmail.com is still my favourite.  A good tip is open one email addy that only your friends and family know about, and use another separate account you give away to less trustworthy sites, mailing lists, etc.  I NEVER reply to spam.  Just hit DELETE because once you reply you'll be on their mailing lists forever.  Another great unique site is Beme.com cuz you can get your email forwarded anywhere you like.

ICQ is a must have after a web-based email account.  It stands for "I seek you", and millions use it to see when their friends are online, to send messages, and to chat, or to swap files.  It is an amazing program, but beware: it is a bit addictive. And one day you might realize that 200 buddies is way too much.

It's fun to meet other poeple who are just like you.  And it's quite interesting how you can "bump" into people you already know.  Two great gathering places are AsianAvenue.com, and Collegeclub.com.  As a member of AA, you'll have a "get to know you" page, and I swear the hits on your page will soar once you hit the lounges.  The best feature about CC is the clubs.  You can join the clubs that interest you, and your mailbox will be full forever! ps.  Beware of the mackers!  And remember that anyone can make themselves appear really attractive, no matter how big a loser they are in real life.

There are plenty of get rich quick schemes to avoid such as skybiz.com.  BUT there are also a few worthwhile programs to consider.  Remember that legit and good companies usually have professionally done sites.  If the site looks cheap, then something might be wrong.  Be wary of things that sound too good to be true.  Use your common sense.  Also, if anyone asks you to hand over some of YOUR dough then pretty much it's 99.999% a bad offer.  Same thing with email addys.  They should have a good reason for wanting any of your personal info.  I cannot emphasize enough how much I hate spam!  It's a nuisance, and it's illegal.  Also as bad is the fact so many ignorant people click on the forward button w/o thiking.  Unless you want everyone to hate you, and think you're an inexperienced idiot, then I recommend this:  When in doubt, DELETE.

If your pockets are a bit empty these days, and saving money on the ISP isn't good enough, then there's Mypoints.com and Cybergold.com(which was recently purchashed by Mypoints).  They are still two of the best rewards programs online.

Mypoints.com is a bonus.  A year ago it merged with Bonuspoints, and I still only have good things to say about it.  In the past year, I've acquired at least 16, 500 points, enough to get something really nice at Roots.com, Eddy Bauer, or at any other of their participating merchants(i just received my first Roots gift certificates worth $100 and a $50 La Senza gift certificate).  Of course 800 points is adequate to get your first free certificate.

I feel compelled to warn peeps about the uselessness of some search engines.  Try this site to search for freebies instead.  I like it, and I'm sure you will too. http://www.freebies.miningco.com.  For rebate lovers(100% off!), there's cyberrebate.com, which is a way better deal if you live in the US.  Last, but not least, here is my recent discovery.  The Babelfish translator!  You can now tranlslate your emails, webpages, and short passages with a simple click!  Hopefully this entry was useful(and not too boring).. 

April 21st, 2000
My right eyelid is wrinkled in a funny way.  It's been like this for a month now..usually it comes and goes, but this time it just refuses to leave.  I guess it happens to me because I'm chinese, and I have asian eyes.  It happens to some of my friends too and since it usually happens to one eye,  Some people don't notice it, but I definitely do.  There's no way to get rid of it except to wait for it to go away on its own.  It seems to be permanent this time though.  The permanence of my wrinkled eye lid does not bother me too much.  It is just another physical flaw that people, and myself must live with.  Why am I worrying about an eyelid when there are bigger things to worry about?   The triviality of this does bother me.  April showers brings May flowers.  I do love flowers.  It hasn't rained that much this month, which is good I guess.  I do love the occasional warm, summer shower..I didn't think so before, but rain does seem to have a bit of romance in it... but summer is still far far away.  I am just so emotional.  It doesn't take much to make the tears start gushing out, blurring everything that is beautiful around me.  I've just finished reading Gap Creek which was one of Oprah's old book club choices.  It was ok, not one of the best books I've read..I still prefer Martha Ostenso's Wild Geese, or Gail Anderson-Dergatz's The Cure for Death by Lightening.  In all three books, the heroines were very strong..this reminds me of that quotation again..the one about how we're " smarter than[ we ]think, braver than [we] believe, and stronger than [we] seem"*.  I guess we all are...but sometimes all that adversity we must face in life can be pretty discouraging.  There's always something standing in front of me, trying to block me from moving forward, but I'm not afraid anymore..i'm even willing to push it down instead of going around it.  But all at the same time, I'm gonna stay my old self.cuz I LIKE who I am.

*winnie the pooh

April 1st, 2000
On Tolerance:
I am not gay, but I believe deeply in the issue of tolerance.  There's a big debate over whether gay clubs should be allowed in schools, and many parents seemed to react with much fear.  Being gay is not a contagious disease, and if a child is gay, not accepting it would not make the child heterosexual. About a month ago, a boy committed suicide because he was being taunted at school because he was supposedly gay;  he just couldn't take it anymore.  That should be a lesson that we need to be more tolerant and open minded, not only of gays, but also of all those who are different.  These people who are opposed to these clubs and alliances say that as parents they feel that they are entitled to an opinion and I believe they are, but they definitely have a responsibility to teach kids the meaning of tolerance--that being different is not bad.  A child may not be gay, but he/she may be teased, taunted, and bullied for being of a certain race, sex, for the way they dress, for being too fat or too skinny, or just for being smart.  It is a shame that some parents are sending out such a message of intolerance.  This is definitely not something we should be proud of.
 
 

March 18th, 2000
there's something very appealing about those UK bands.  Lately I've discovered the new group "Westlife" and they are wonderful =)  They are quite popular in various parts of the world except over here!  Hardly anyone I've talked to is has even heard of them.  I accidentally came upon them one day on a search for new midis, and so far I've heard "swear it again" and their remake of "seasons in the sun" and I think i'm in love.  Well, I think i'm definitely gonna go down to the Virgin Megastore downtown in search of their CD(hopefully i won't have to buy an expensive import). 

They are not the first UK band that I've fallen in love with.  I was a bit sad when "Take That" broke up a few years ago. I listened to Robbie Williams when he went solo(and i especially like "Angels") but he's just not the same.  I found a great "Westlife" fan site(I would recommend u check them out). I just love the songs! 

March 12th, 2000
I am full of secrets that I can't tell-my abnormality probably is the result of those things I can not talk of.  I've always believed that dreams don't mean much, since they are just stored up memories or thoughts.  But then I feel haunted-by my past, present, and future...  Sometimes I am able to ignore all this, but these thoughts, memories wait behind corners waiting for a weakness.  I would like to believe i'm strong, but I succumb to whatever holds me down.  Perhaps this is because I don't know what I want, and sometimes I just don't know what I'm supposed to be doing.

March 5th, 2000
Wow..i guess i deserve like a huge pat on the back cuz I made the "hobbyists" page on losers.org.  For one thing, I HATE to be labeled.  This is what they have to say: "They have bizarre interests. They spend their time in strange on [sic] unfruitful ways. They brag about it. They scare friends and relatives. They're hobbyists."  Hmm..oh do I?  Actually, this "labeling" was an attack on my midi pages, which were part of my first web page.  Their specific comment was "Hurray for you and your MIDI PAGES."  Well, thank you..and hurray for you and your pages of "losers".

Here is the email I was about to send them but decided not to(because I DO have a sense of humour).

You may post this email if you want.  Actually I WANT you to, please.  What an idea.  It's all in the name of fun eh?  Well, I did read your disclaimer and I still do not agree.  I do not intend to be hostile, but my opinion just happens to differ from yours.

Here are the reasons why I am disgusted by your site

1) a personal webpage is obviously a very PERSONAL thing and how do you classify anyone as a loser anyway? 

2) it takes plenty of time to make a page(nice or ugly), and I don't find your site as any encouragement for anyone to create a personal webpage.  Rather, it is a discouragement for one to be oneself, which I feel personal webpages are all about.  We have enough judging and labeling going on in real life.  I see the WWW as a place where you can express yourself quite freely.  I feel that your immature, hypocritical, ridicule(see, i can be a name caller too)is merely a sign that you have nothing better to do.  You call yourselves losers, too and I can't help but to agree. 
 

February 27th, 2000
note: forgive me if u are a super skinny model, or a fan of one, but I never mean to be offensive-just honest. 

There's a lot of talk about models being "too skinny" these days and there was a time when I didn't think there as a problem, especially when I was "perfectly skinny".  I'm not fat now, but the fact is that I'm just not as skinny as I was a couple of years ago.  The thing that bothers and ANNOYS me very much these days is that not only are these models extremely skinny, they are also very young.  I mean the ever so popular 13-16 year old models.  These girls have barely gone though puberty( i didn't start to have the hips and thighs until I was 18-19).  The bodies of these girls are what many women, aged 18+, covet because we miss that body-and a time when we didn't have to worry about our hips or thighs being too big, when our clothes just hung on us.  We know that it's not reality(the reality is that many of us are beautiful the way we are), yet we still sometimes allow ourselves to be disillusioned...

February 08th, 2000
Note:  i was told that this was a bit harsh, but after some thinking I've decided to keep this entry because it was my first reaction and I choose to stick by it. 

There are some things which I once liked, but now do not think are worthy of my praise such as kfc(yuck), McDonald's(yuck), Pantene Pro-V(YUCK), and now the Oprah Winfrey Show(Oh YUCK!).  Is there nothing she would do for ratings???  Now I'm gonna sound really pissed off in this entry, so if u don't want to read this stop here.  On yesterday's show, they were talking about parents who failed their kids because they just weren't around much.  They were well-off families, and the kids drank and did other bad stuff like (ohmygod) have sex.  This is my two cents.  I do think there are parents who just aren't around too much even though they care.  Some parent DO need a tighter grip on their kids.  BUT not all kids turn out horribly.  The show was shocking but you can't believe everything you see on television.  I'm sick of how the media and stuff try to get ratings by their stupid totally shocking new stories that usually do not tell the whole story. 

What is wrong w/ you Oprah??  The show made it sound like all kids were doing this stuff behind their parents' backs, even if the kids were very well brought up and obedient.  For one thing, I come from a barely middle class family where both my parents have to work their butts off so we can live a barely comfortable life.  And if anything, they have TOO much control over my life.  I have never drank a drop of alcohol in my life(not kidding) and I do not go raving, clubbing, take drugs, or have a criminal record.  I'm 19 but I live the life of a 10 year old.  And one thing Oprah emphasized is that all these kids were sexually active.  What a shock!  Even good kids are doing it these days, by the way and sometimes you just got to let teenagers make their own choices(cuz they are almost certainly not gonna listen).  Do we get any credit?  We have brains.  I guess you do not remember much about being a teenager do you , Oprah?  Oh, but I must give you credit for one thing you were right about.  YES, being 13-14 were the hardest years of my life.

January 21st, 2000
Sometimes I feel insane.  Sometimes I feel so different.  Sometimes I just don't understand, at all.  Sometimes I want to enjoy every precious, happy moment, and make it last forever.  Sometimes I just want to cry. 

January 14th, 2000
I'm sure I said this tons of times before, but time really does fly.  Sometimes it seems pretty good, but then I think about how much time I waste.  Moving on..

I guess I would call this page a success.  I didn't make it so that I'll get thousands, or even hundreds, flocking here so they may visit yet another personal web page.  I like people who come here because they think it would be interesting, so I chose to not list it on any search engines.(word of mouth is great!)  I try to visit most of the web pages of those who sign my gbook, and I have to say I'm so impressed!  The majority of visitors to this page are female, and these females have some kickass pages!!!  I especially luv those pages that are "different" and totally honest.  Keep up the great work, okies?

December 29th, 1999
My hunni gave me one of his cute hamsters for Christmas.  It's still a baby and it's so scared.  My mom wasn't too happy(she doesn't like pets) but I guess i'll keep it for now because I love it so much!. 

I was reading the paper today and I read something funny.  This whole year, i've been trying(unsuccessufully) to convince all my friends that the new millennium does not actually begin until the year 2001.  There was a quotation from X-files where Scully informs Mulder that the millennium does not actually being until 2001, and he replies with "nobody likes a math geek, Scully".  It's are all arbitrary anyway...

I went boxing day shopping on the 26th and I think i'm over my mall addiction!  I hate a crowded, stuffy mall.  I no longer get that same high i once got.  And Christmas is just no longer as exciting as it once was...I really like my life now though, and there's not much i would wish for except that I wish my parents would be less overprotective and let me live my life..

December 23rd, 1999
Note:  I AM atually getting free internet service right now from bluelight.com-pretty good for a free isp!  AND it turned out freewwweb is not a scam, but an poorly organized company.

I usually don't want to admit my stupidity but I think this is important, mostly as a warning to other people out there, because we all make mistakes sometimes.

I guess I should begin by saying that I'm one of those people VERY against chain letters, spam, all advantage, etc.  I've always believed that I know what's real out there and what's totally not.  The only program I'm part of is mypoints.com which I know for sure is 100% legitimate.  But I must admit that  yesterday I fell for a credit card scam.  I know that in the United States, some companies provide free internet service and I came upon this company that offers free isps for Canada too!  First I thought, "wow it sounds so good!" but I was already caught because my brain stopped thinking.  The site looked so professional and without much hesitation, I signed up.  A few minutes later when the service failed to work AND the 1-800 number called was out of service did I realize that I just fell victim to a major scam. 

They had possession of the credit card number and the expirary date which probably wasn't even sent over a secure connection and what was worse was that the whole "too good to be true" deal wasn't even a real deal at all.  The company is called freewwweb.com so beware.  I guess part of the reason I fell for such a scam is that I'm naive.  I'll fall for anything if it's not obvious because sometimes it's so hard for me to believe what people out there would do. I'm sure people who aren't gullible become victims, too so this message is for everybody.

On a happier note, I passed calc!  And yesterday was the last day of my xmas exams so finally I have some free time.  I also went on a wonderful dinner cruise last night with my boyfriend and two other friends of ours.  Also, two more days until Christmas.  I wish everybody out there a very merry  Christmas and a wonderful new year(if the world doesn't fall apart like some people believe will happen). =Þ I haven't really been a good girl this year, but maybe i'll try harder next year..heehee.

December 14th, 1999
"What's popular may not be right, and what's right may not be popular" --unknown

~~The Reality of being UNcool~~

This entry doesn't really relate to my current life since in the real world, people judge you for more than the clique you belong to.  I guess this is mostly about high school, especially grades 9 and 10.  Those were certainly the most unhappiest times of my life and I'm sure it is/was for many out there.

I guess it started mostly in grade 9, although the following story happened in grade 8.  I wasn't ugly, it's just that I didn't dress the right way, didn't hang around the right people, and worse of all, I did well in school.  I remember the "cool" kids, those ones with the pants about the fall down and the girls with their low-cut bodysuits.  I was the one who always dressed "differently".  I was also the one who everyone copied homework off and according to some, I was always the teacher's pet although I never sucked up.  One day I decided to NOT let anyone copy of me anymore and I guess I never knew how this decision would make me a bigger nerd.  In French class(we had a VERY blind sub that day) everyone was chucking paper balls at me and yelling at me.  I just couldn't take it anymore and so I talked back, and before I knew it there were people after me, wanting to beat me up.  I never did get beat up, but I think after a while, I kinda lost my self--the self that didn't care what people thought.  I was told to cut my hair, buy new clothes, get rid of my glasses, and I eventually did with the exception of my glasses.  I started to get lots of "compliments", but how could I call them compliments when all of a sudden people like me more just because I'm wearing new clothes?  But I guess I was weak and the pain of being uncool was too much, and so I slowly and reluctantly gave in to all the pressures to be "cool".

Once in a while I see someone who dresses kind of different, and is confident and doesn 't worry about the way other people see him/her.  I guess I admire that a lot.  It takes a lot of strength to come out of highschool unchanged.  I'm a hyprocite for saying this though.  I remember very much how I made fun of people sometimes because I thought they were weird or different.  I must add, though, that maybe that's what highschool is about--cliques, being cool...no matter how wrong or stupid it is, most of us have or would go through it. 

"Never be content with someone else's definition of you
Instead, define yourself by your own beliefs, your own truths,
  your own understanding of who you are and how you came to be
And never be content until you are happy with the unique person you are. "-unknown

"The more popular you are, the more unpopular you become"--mayling
 
 
 

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